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It feels like I'm loosing him.

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  • It feels like I'm loosing him.

    I've been in a long distance relationship for sometime now. He lives in the US and I live in Europe.
    He used to be all over me, making me feel loved all the time, texting me a lot, writing that he loves me and things
    ike that.
    He recently moved to a another state which increased the time distance between us, he also started a new job and don't know anyone from there, so he has also been spending time making nw friends. He is very busy, and I don't really blame him for it, so many new things going on in his life. But I can't help feel that he don't care for me as much anymore. I get that he don't have as much time for meright now, but when he texts me it's not at all as romantic like it used to be, and rather short sometime he won't even write "I miss you back", Im such a girl when it comes to things like that... It makes me very sad and I resent him for being kind of cold I feel like he's either lost interest in me or that he's taking me for garanted (He recently said that our relationship feels "solid", and Im not sure that's very good)
    Is it normal that this things happens when someones getting a new job? Im trying to be understanding, and Im trying not to freak out and give him time, it feels like the best thing to do right now. I just wish I didn't feel this sad and affraid to loose him.
    So girls, please tell me what you think, about you experiences with this, and if you have advices I'd be so greatful.
    I really care about this person.

  • What are your ages? How often do you see each other in person? How long have you been in a LDR? More detail would be really helpful.


    • We're around 25 and been dating a year now. We try to see each other as often as we can, the longest gap between seing each other has been about 3 months. We'll see each other soon. Thank you for replying.


      • The thing is that he's short in his text messages, but when he send me emails he keep saying he loves me soo much,
        ... So maybe I'm worrying over nothing, but I just don't see why he's being like that on texts all of a sudden,
        just really don't se the point. It might be because he has a lot of other things on his mind though, Im trying to think about how
        I've felt in situations like that, but it's kind of hard. Also he might feel comfortable, knowing I'm there for him, and don't feel like he have
        to be that sweet all the time..


        • I honestly think that you can't judge until the person is in front of you.

          When you both see each other again "apart from sex" gage his body language, words, eyes.

          Long distance is extremely difficult because you live in your own world for a period of time then catch up and go back to that own little world .

          A new job, new environment, being maybe further away, is also difficult and takes time to settle into.

          To me solid is exactly that. He feels safe, secure and interested.

          Try texting him something cheeky here and there, or funny. It takes two to keep a relationship alive and "I miss you" stated all the time I don't really think is a man's trait, here and there but not all the time.


          • Thank you so much for answering, what you wrote makes sence to me.

            I just cant wait to see him to figure things out, that's probably the best way to know. We will soon, Im so anxious though.

            I want him to feel that we're solid, but don't want to be taken for granted. Until we meet I guess I should stay busy to not over think things, because right now Im analyzing everything.


            • You didn't mention when you text him, but the LAST thing an employer wants to see is the new guy texting his girlfriend during work hours.

              And the last thing a new acquaintance wants to see is the guy he's talking with take out his phone to answer a text.

              Your boyfriend may have been depressed about his employment before so needed all the contact with you to keep his spirits up. Now that he's got a reason to get out of bed, he doesn't need all the X's and O's from you.


              • Pollon: thanks for your thoughts on this. I think you might be right, especially about the last thing, that ge might feel happier now when he finally started working, after all he's been waiting for it to start since the end of may.

                Im not textning him when he's working most of the time, and Im okey with him not answering during working hours. He's still short during the weekend though, and it hurts. I don't think he want's to hurt me, he might just have other things on his mind right now, and adjust to his new life must come first, but I can't stop worrying about that he might just not want to be with me anymore.. Even though he assured me he want to, I feel like I've been too needy and Im affraid I ruined everything...


                • A woman who loves herself knows who she is, what she wants out of life, what she will and won't accept... In that, it shines very bright and the other sex (male) sees it and talks more because he has his own fear of losing her, especially in a long distant relationship.

                  When she text messages all the time even after hours He sees insecurity and it's not as appealing

                  You are being too needy I can feel it and you will frighten him off "maybe"...

                  Men like still to chase a little or to know their woman knows they are safe.

                  Even if you don't text often and he doesn't either, you will work out if he is worth being in your life if you just get to know you a bit more, love you a bit more and stop worrying if you will be loved back.

                  Don't feel hurt that's your own in-security playing up ok.

                  Take a deep breathe and try some ignoring making him wonder it should never be a game but you do need to get a handle on yourself and know you are a good woman, attractive, can find anyone because you know what you want and if it doesn't come your way, then he wasn't meant to be.

                  But he's out there.

                  What hobbies do you like? What do you do with your spare time?

                  Our brains are our most important part of our body, if we keep it active, it doesn't leave much room for thinking
                  PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                  • I know you're right, and I just thought to myself "what on earth happened to me, Im not that kind of girl"
                    Normally I'm a pretty indipendent girl, I love the world and travelling by myself, I am self confident and have pretty bright
                    view on life. I've been the girl who gave advices to friends to not be too needy when they've been asking what to do
                    in simular situations. I've lost my grip here and I really need to take a deep breath.
                    It's been a rough couple of months in my life, I guess I got weak somewhere along the way.
                    I've lost quite a bit, and when he started acting differently I guess i just tried to grasp on the how it used to be,
                    refusing to loose that too, but I know deep inside that he's busy and I know things change, nothing can ever stay the same forever right?
                    I mean, that would mean never moving forward either.
                    I hope it's not too late to salvage this situation with him though. I've been texting a lot less, and shorter (still being nice though!)
                    and I'm not going to ask when we shall talk, I'll leave that up to him.

                    I have a lot of hobbies, seing friends, go to the art gallery, write, paint,
                    read and so on.


                    • funny thing is, a friend of mine recently moved to another country and started a new job, and he was very slow answering emails,
                      I didn't even think about it, but one day I got an email saying "Im sorry for not replying earlier, but Im busy with my new job and
                      this is how I get when I settle in to new situations" ... and I was thinking, of course I get it!
                      Wierd thing my mind started spinning when it comes to my bf...



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