Constant fighting and disagreeing with boyfriend! Is it me and what do I do?
Hello,
My boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years. Let me start by saying I was married for 12 years & met my current bf after my separation. I have 2 children from my previous marriage. The reason for my divorce was bc my ex cheated on me multiple times. With all this being said, my bf was a breath of fresh air. Treated me like a queen. He is 39 yrs old, never been married & no kids. This was 2 major red flags for me at first, but he is a licensed counsler & thearapist so after talking a lot, I felt I had to give it a try.
One of our first big sit down talks consisted of us telling each other we would be honest (no lying, withholding etc.), communicate & try our best to protect & think about each other in every situation. Let me tell you, I had NO IDEA the extent he would take these things to. So here's where the trouble started. I had a facebook page. On it, I still had family pics only with the kids & ex husband. To say he had a fit would be an understatement! I told him they were there bc my kids were in them. He yelled about how disrespectful that was & how he would never have an ex on fb etc. I said fine, I will remove them. Being with someone for 15 yrs, you have a lot of history and/or pics. This did take me a while being that I work full time & I'm a single mom with pretty much no help from the ex. He went through my fb with a fine tooth comb. Found a couple of pics that I missed & blew up AGAIN! I apologized & removed them. He continues to this day to throw all of it in my face claiming I wasn't ready for a relationship & how disrespectful it was. Moving on, I told him I dated very very briefly before him a guy & it didn't work out. I didn't hide anything from him, I was upfront & honest (probably more than most)! The ONLY thing I didn't tell him was his name. Now this guy was a friend first BEFORE we dated briefly. It just didn't work out. He is ALSO on my fb. My bf, while combing my fb page for things he doesn't like, saw an old post with my ex-husband commenting(along with others) in reference to a basketball game. He flipped out AGAIN, I apoligized & said it was bc it was a tagged post not mine. In this post, the friend I dated briefly was in it just talking sports. I told my bf, by the way, the other person in that post is the guy I told you about. That's when my nightmare began! I thought I was being honest. However he said that was with holding & I can not be trusted! I was also trying to quit smoking. He hates it & I wanted to quit as well. I did sneak & took a couple of puffs off a cigarette. He smelled it & asked me. At first I did lie & say no but then immediately turned around & said I'm sorry, yes I did.
Now we are at the present 2 yr together mark. This was all around the 3-6 month mark. (I know this is long but trying to give background info lol). I am not allowed to have any social media websites. I do nothing with any of my friends. I'm not allowed to talk about sports (which I love) with him, co workers, I have to tell him where I am at all times (when I leave, in between stops, when I get to where I'm going, etc. etc.) He calls me names, tells me I'm stupid, bipolar, crazy, piece of S***t, and much much more! He is verbally & emotionally abusive along with controlling. He says he does these things bc of what I did & that it's my fault. He says he knows he has an anger issue but I caused it & that he's only pushing me bc he knows I can do better. I've told him repeatedly & still do that I can't function like that. Putting me down, calling me names & pressuring me doesn't make me do better! It does more harm than good. He says ok but he doesn't know how else to be. Now every phone call, every conversation, every DAY is a fight and/or argument! I'm under a lot of stress already financially being a single mom & with my relationship problems on top of it, the stress is MAXED! To the point that it's affecting me physically! Just this week, he has given me hell bc I'm taking my son to a football game with me & not him.
I know most of you after reading this would say, just end it. I do care about him & he is so convincing that I'm constantly doubting what I think & feel! He makes me feel as if all of this, my problems with him or in life period, are my fault! Please take the time to read this bc I'm so torn. I hate being mean & hurting peoples feelings yet I am miserable!
My boyfriend & I have been together for 2 years. Let me start by saying I was married for 12 years & met my current bf after my separation. I have 2 children from my previous marriage. The reason for my divorce was bc my ex cheated on me multiple times. With all this being said, my bf was a breath of fresh air. Treated me like a queen. He is 39 yrs old, never been married & no kids. This was 2 major red flags for me at first, but he is a licensed counsler & thearapist so after talking a lot, I felt I had to give it a try.
One of our first big sit down talks consisted of us telling each other we would be honest (no lying, withholding etc.), communicate & try our best to protect & think about each other in every situation. Let me tell you, I had NO IDEA the extent he would take these things to. So here's where the trouble started. I had a facebook page. On it, I still had family pics only with the kids & ex husband. To say he had a fit would be an understatement! I told him they were there bc my kids were in them. He yelled about how disrespectful that was & how he would never have an ex on fb etc. I said fine, I will remove them. Being with someone for 15 yrs, you have a lot of history and/or pics. This did take me a while being that I work full time & I'm a single mom with pretty much no help from the ex. He went through my fb with a fine tooth comb. Found a couple of pics that I missed & blew up AGAIN! I apologized & removed them. He continues to this day to throw all of it in my face claiming I wasn't ready for a relationship & how disrespectful it was. Moving on, I told him I dated very very briefly before him a guy & it didn't work out. I didn't hide anything from him, I was upfront & honest (probably more than most)! The ONLY thing I didn't tell him was his name. Now this guy was a friend first BEFORE we dated briefly. It just didn't work out. He is ALSO on my fb. My bf, while combing my fb page for things he doesn't like, saw an old post with my ex-husband commenting(along with others) in reference to a basketball game. He flipped out AGAIN, I apoligized & said it was bc it was a tagged post not mine. In this post, the friend I dated briefly was in it just talking sports. I told my bf, by the way, the other person in that post is the guy I told you about. That's when my nightmare began! I thought I was being honest. However he said that was with holding & I can not be trusted! I was also trying to quit smoking. He hates it & I wanted to quit as well. I did sneak & took a couple of puffs off a cigarette. He smelled it & asked me. At first I did lie & say no but then immediately turned around & said I'm sorry, yes I did.
Now we are at the present 2 yr together mark. This was all around the 3-6 month mark. (I know this is long but trying to give background info lol). I am not allowed to have any social media websites. I do nothing with any of my friends. I'm not allowed to talk about sports (which I love) with him, co workers, I have to tell him where I am at all times (when I leave, in between stops, when I get to where I'm going, etc. etc.) He calls me names, tells me I'm stupid, bipolar, crazy, piece of S***t, and much much more! He is verbally & emotionally abusive along with controlling. He says he does these things bc of what I did & that it's my fault. He says he knows he has an anger issue but I caused it & that he's only pushing me bc he knows I can do better. I've told him repeatedly & still do that I can't function like that. Putting me down, calling me names & pressuring me doesn't make me do better! It does more harm than good. He says ok but he doesn't know how else to be. Now every phone call, every conversation, every DAY is a fight and/or argument! I'm under a lot of stress already financially being a single mom & with my relationship problems on top of it, the stress is MAXED! To the point that it's affecting me physically! Just this week, he has given me hell bc I'm taking my son to a football game with me & not him.
I know most of you after reading this would say, just end it. I do care about him & he is so convincing that I'm constantly doubting what I think & feel! He makes me feel as if all of this, my problems with him or in life period, are my fault! Please take the time to read this bc I'm so torn. I hate being mean & hurting peoples feelings yet I am miserable!
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