[effy2014]

The new information does give me pause. On one hand, I don't equate a man's status in a business with his ability to relate to a woman in a social situation. The potential of being rejected by a woman is a far greater blow to a man's ego than being bested in a business deal. I can also see how you can be intimidating . . . It has nothing to do with how sexy you look or dress. Smart, confident, direct women who can communicate can be intimidating. You may be easy going, but perhaps your desire to not be suggestive or flirty kept him guessing whether you approved of him.

On the other hand, he should be able to follow simple instructions. You were direct in the path you wanted to follow. He ignored it in an odd sort of way. He was attempting to financial success, empathy (comment about your divorce) and romance. By your description, all seemed a bit overplayed and forced. If not nervousness, it doesn't seem like he was being himself but acting some sort of part.

[Motorguy]

From what I red in your post Kitty, it just seem this guy was trying way to hard to try and impress you with his corky sense of humor. It reads that he was not being him self as he has been divorce for 12 years and is probably way out of practice of how to really act on a date with a lady. But i feel you turning down his offer to go on a jet set trip to Vegas was very smart on your part. To me that was way out of line asking a women you really don't know to accompany you on a trip like that. I don't see it being anything you are doing wrong Kitty, you are just looking for that great and right guy. I see it as looking to buy a house you have to look at many sometimes before you find that diamond in the rough that you will like and finally fall in love with. When you at least a expected you will find that special guy to have and love in your life again Kitty so good luck and god bless.

[atskitty2]

Effy, I mostly agree with your business/social comment, but I was more making a point that generally speaking, I think if we can handle nerves/pressure rather gracefully, we can handle it...work or social. I am this way, whether that's a natural inclination I always had, or from my career training, I'm not sure, but it holds true at work, and in my personal life.
So, maybe you're right...he differs from me in that way. I just thought that could be some indicator, some idea of his general personality in stressful situations.

I appreciate all the feedback & have had a day off work & thought a bit about all this-myself mainly. I think effy, you're right again, and maybe it was you who suggested months ago, that my efforts to be non-suggestive & conservative in dress & conversation, are indeed sending a mixed signal at best, and confusing to most men, and women too probably. I'll work on that.

MG, he's actually had relationships in this 12 yr period, a couple longer term, and he dates quite a bit more than I do.

So...any more thoughts? Ladies??

[DreamP346]

Sorry I'm late to this discussion. You listed all the weird/bad stuff. But this guys obviously did some good stuff too since you are considering a second date. So lets look at both sides. He sounds desperate, lonely and trying really hard. That's not necessarily all bad. Haven't you ever felt lonely and desperate? We are all human and we often do things that aren't the smartest moves, especially when dating is concerned. The thing is, if we were watching a chick flick, we would think all these moves were really romantic. Think about it, if a guy you rejected showed up at your house outside playing a boombox, that would be super creepy, but that is a classic movie moment from a classic romantic movie.

I would talk to him, make it clear you aren't the type who is going to be swept away by those larger than life romantic gestures. If anything, they creep you out. If he is cool with that, then set up a second date.

BTW, my husband asked me to take a trip with him on our first date. Of course, we had known each other a month, been out together along with other people, and when he ask, he did it more as a challenge and was shocked I agreed. If the hormones are flying, the alcohol is right and both are feeling the attraction, stupid and creepy things actually sound romantic.

[atskitty2]

You are right sp, and I didn't think the things were necessarily red flag territory, because I did get a stronger sense that nerves were overtaking him. There were more positive attributes to cancel out that 15-20 minute frame of madness! The crazy talk calmed, he's "normal" again in all our chats since, and I'll be seeing him again in the next few days or so for our second meeting. I agree that in certain scenarios this would have been endearing, and many women would be charmed by all the attention, it's just not me, and I've made that pretty clear to him, I think.

I am very "guarded". I think he got the picture, and I think he's holding back. He did say he can't wait to see me again last night, and I could sense there was a big stream of "dumb" just wanting to come pouring out after that, lol, but he dammed it up & went on with our discussion. So, I think my forgiveness without making him feel foolish has been a good approach. I definitely DO feel like he's a good guy, genuinely, and should this progress, I'll be very happy to have an expressive, affectionate man on my hands! Just not on a first date. If my instincts are correct, he's shown self-restraint & discipline & actual respect & caring for my feelings on the matter by not getting all gooey every time we chat, since that first night when he got all silly. What I haven't decided yet is how I feel about the fact that he seems to already be having these feelings...and then I remind myself to stop analyzing the life out of it & just see what the next turn holds.

Thanks for commenting! I appreciate the thoughts!