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A tricky situation.. Opinions/advice please!

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  • A tricky situation.. Opinions/advice please!

    Hi everyone! This is my first time posting here. I decided to join this forum as, honestly, I feel like I don't have many supportive people in my life and would really appreciate some advice.

    I dated someone for 4 years - all throughout high school. He was my first love and I feel like we have great compatibility and really care for each other. Our relationship had it's moments and was on and off at times. I decided to break things off when I learned that he was talking to a girl that I really didn't like. He swears that nothing happened and they never hooked up, but I really don't trust her and I know her intentions are not good. I was younger, maybe insecure and definitely spiteful, so I dumped him and soon after that began seeing someone else. I really think that I was so used to being with someone that I just wanted that again and really without any disrespect to the new guy, but I feel like he was a rebound

    I constantly compare other guys to to him and I have cheated on guys that I've tried to date, with my ex. I tried not to care and to move on. To see other guys. I just can't and I have no interest in anyone other than him. I thought maybe time was all I needed but here I am, 8 years later, still feeling the same way. My ex and I have met up many times (more so recently) and have talked quite seriously - as though we were getting back together. When we talk, I feel like we are right back where we left off and it just makes sense and feels right in a way that I can't really describe.

    So why don't we just get back together??? Well there's one major problem.. My ex and I do not talk consistently. We've kind of always kept in contact since breaking up but the past two years, we've talked more frequently. Even still, we have periods of time where we will go days or weeks without speaking to each other. He is almost always the one to initiate an actual conversation or time to see each other because most of the time, when I do, he does not reply. Sometimes we go days talking to each other and being..us...again, but then EVERY single time, out of absolutely no where, he disappears on me. There is no period of time where the conversations just slowly die out and we stop talking. It happens completely out of no where. Two weeks ago, we saw each other four times in that week and talked every single day, all day. This past week - NOTHING. We were actually having a nice conversation at the time that he just decided to disappear.

    One major factor in all of this, and a big reason as to why I feel like he may be doing this is our backgrounds. I'm Russian and he is Indian. Different religions of course. His family is strict on these things. Personally, I feel like he wants to talk to me and be with me but he is afraid of what his parents will do or say. He has mentioned marriage numerous times and many times looks very worried about his parents when bringing them up. I've met all of his friends, many of his cousins, but never his parents. In all of this time. I think he's scared... But regardless, he's 25 and it really bothers me that at his age, he can't just stand up for himself and what he wants. Or does he just want to mess with me???? I am extremely confused.

    This entire situation has caused me a great deal of stress and I've felt really depressed lately. It's very bittersweet when he begins a conversation with me, or spends time with me because I never know how long until the next time he disappears on me, and how long it will be until he sees me again. I love him more than I can explain and to be honest, lately I've been unable to focus on anything really. My performance in school is deteriorating, I feel less happy overall, less inclined to want to go out and have fun....I feel very alone.......I constantly beat myself up for the fact that I left him years ago and wonder what would have happened if I had just stayed. I feel like I should have. I break down and cry almost daily. It's been eating away at me and I'm not sure how to overcome this. I can't picture my life with anyone else. I feel like this is some sort of punishment and I'm doomed to be without the one I want for the rest of my life.. I wonder if we will ever just be back to normal.

    Please let me know what you think of all of this. What would you do? What do you think is going on? I know it's hard to say when you don't know us personally but anything that you have to say is really appreciated. Thank you for reading.
    Last edited by caliblonde; 10-14-2014, 10:13 PM.

  • Hey i havent actually even had a girlfriend or nothing but i am chinese and i can possibly relate to this in some way as he is indian. In these cultures most families w have been brought up to marry people of our own race. I hate it! Im 19 but think it is absolute bull that we shouldnt mix. I get the feeling that he doesnt want to dissapoint his family or possibly strain his relationship. There is a lot of pressure on the son to marry a wife of their own ethnicity. I think that he is into you but you should ask him whether he is serious and if there are problems. thats all i can say since i've been brought up by asian parents!

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    • Thank you for your reply martw95. I really wish parents would be more understanding and accepting in today's time and especially living here in the US.

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