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How do I feel better about my boyfriend watching porn?

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  • How do I feel better about my boyfriend watching porn?

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and 2 months. I recently found out 3 weeks ago that he had been watching porn our whole relationship... The conversation came up one night and I asked him if he had looked at any pictures or anything (inappropriate or wrong) that had to do with girls. I asked because 5 months ago I came accidenltly across a picture of a celebrity on his iPod and she had a super tight dress with her butt facing the camera CLEARLY it was fake.... I mean cmon its so obvious.. I was upset because he always told me he only looked at me and stuff and didn't want anything more. He always has thought I had a nice behind and its big so he says..... But why go look at bigger that's not even real if you apparently already "have" "big"? He was silent when I asked him why he was looking at it and remained silent for the whole car ride where we were going. He told me he came across it and clicked on it cuz he heard his friends talking about it and wanted to see if it was fake or not.. Um hello? Who cares what your friends say... You have a gf and I always got nervous when he would be around certain friends.. And he would always assure me and say he wasn't influenced by their words so I believed him. But obviously this picture proved otherwise... Thoughts ran through my head.. I asked myself honestly what he's saying can't be true... how did he ironically come across a picture accudenlty on Instagram and payed attention to it because of what his friends said.. He also screenshottted it. His excuse was "I screenshottted it to see if it was fake.. Hello? It's fake you can see it in plain site.. Nothing is that ungodly huge and still looks good naturally...why do you need that in your photos? Why wouldn't you feel guilty having it there? You tell your gf she's the one you're gonna marry and love her to pieces but go ahead and have the guts to do that? Makes no sense.. I thought he felt strongly enough about me and my body not to be sucked into stupid stuff like that or want to be....I felt lost and so insecure.. Here my boyfriend is looking at some other chicks butt.. I know he likes butt the most on a feature of a girl.. And here he is looking at someone who is clearly way bigger and better than me.... Months went by and I would break down sometimes about it and I would ask questions and his answers would change.. He always said "I don't like fake fake is gross I don't want fake" well one day I broke down a few weeks ago and he told me all the same stuff he had before and some of it was new news little things that didn't make sense. Then I found out he was lying about how his friends never said ANHTHING... He made it up to "make me believe him more" believe what?!! That you didn't like fake or want that trash? Cuz obviously you did if you screenshottted it or looked at it? What are you even trying to prove to me? I felt betrayed and so destroyed... He admitted to liking it but didn't want it..And when I thought that was the worst I asked him the question "do you look at other stuff?" And he said "yes" and I was balling at this pont and I asked him what and he was crying and said "sex" and I looked at him with disgust and tears streaming down my face... I couldn't believe it! I had given him everything... sex all the time every time we saw eachother which was a lot! I let him touch me and be with me whenever he wanted. I gave him everything.... I asked him what the girls looked like and there was days were I had to squeeze information out because he would keep lying.. He said there were two chicks and watched their videos.. One with big boobs and the other with a big butt. They weren't even beautiful... Or gorgeous or pretty.. These girls only had their fake bodies! I looked up who they were and I was devastated. I felt so insecure about my body. Her I am a size B and he's here looking at a chick with super big boobs and another one with a huge butt. Obviously so fake! All Those times he told me I was the best and I was the hottest and I had all he needed and wanted and liked... I felt they were all lies. Literally my heart was breaking into pieces my self esteem was gone. I no longer felt attractive to him or good about my body.. I felt like there really was more that he liked and found more attractive.. He would quickly assure me "no you're all I want I never wanted them I only liked what they had" I asked if their bodies turned him on and he said "no I turned myself on" but now does that make sense? He's a guy... If my body turns him on why won't another body? If we have sex al the time why do you need to watch porn? He said he did it when we didn't hang out or do anything.. And said every once in a while and did it "only to feel good" how do I even believe him? I asked if he ever thought about having sex with them or touching them and he would always say "no they aren't mine you are" all those answers just seem to good to be true.. I asked him "did you watch it for ther bodies?" I mean obviously it seemed that way because he had to choose between which girl he wanted to watch... They even had names. He would say "no I watched it for the sex" and I cried and cried so disgusted with everything and so was he. I hated it he hates it. It was destroying me. I thought he only wanted to look at me and like what I have.. After all that's what he told me? We were so deep in love I thought that was the case.. He balled his eyes out begging me not to leave him and of course I didnt because I love him too much. He said he would never do it again and found it disgusting and didn't like fake and never realized it. He promised not to lie to me ever again. But yet still did when I would ask him questions about it the next day.... How can someone not feel guilty lying to the love of their life? How can someone not feel guilt looking at another naked girls body and liking it when you have a perfectly good girl? How can I be the girl of his dreams and in his eyes the girl he really really is attracted to... He lied to me and told me the truth finally a week later when we were talking about it again. He said they did turn him on and he watched it for their bodies I coukdnt believe what I was hearing. After he promised he wouldn't lie and saw me at my weakest point totally throwing my whole self out there balling my eyes out my heart broken and he still lied... How do I even look at him the same? Or even feel good about myself... I don't know how I can go on and move past this.. All these lies.. My trust is broke I can't believe the guy who is the love of my life who I want to marry and think is the one.. I can't help but be disgusted. I don't feel the best anymore or hot or good enough...I can't help but look at him and be disgusted and heart broken he liked another girls body to the point of making himself sexually feel good and they had so much better than me. He says "I don't think they have better you're the best I never thought about them being better" just seems to me as if he really did think there was better than me.. Why else would he choose porn instead of the pictures of my body I would send him ? It's ike their bodies turned him on faster than mine did or more.

  • all guys look at porn whether they admit it or not. married, single, regardless of how often they are or are not having sex. however, all guys know this: porn is not reality. it is fake and fantasy with mostly bad acting and YOU are his reality. as a guy it is more of an escape from the stress of life like looking at comic books, sports, or other escapes guys tend to have, and has nothing to do with how attracted he feels toward you. even if he's not looking at porn he's thinking about sex all the time, that's what guys do. there is a huge difference between looking and acting. no guy prefers porn over being with their girlfriend so I don't think it is as big of a deal as you think. he probably lied to spare you hurt feelings which he probably shouldn't have done

    Comment


    • I disagree with "all guys look at porn." I had an ex a few years ago that got mad at me for looking at porn! He just thought it was dumb, especially when he already had a girlfriend. As a woman that likes porn myself, some people just like the idea of looking at both. Porn/erotica turns you on and gets you in the mood. It can enhance the experience with your partner. I can empathize with partners feeling hurt, as if they're not good enough. To me, I can feel that my partner is enough and still look at porn.
      "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

      Comment


      • Sarah:

        Take a deep breath. Relax. There are lots of threads on this forum about men and pornography. There is nothing wrong with you, your boyfriend or your relationship.

        First, while not "all" men look at porn, the vast majority of us do. That is why the industry is so large and profitable. We seem to be wired to love pictures of naked women -- that often includes pretty women, ugly women, large women, skinny women -- in short, virtually any naked woman. Most of us who look at porn are not addicted, just have a passing interest in acrobatic, alternative, bizarre or just plain old sex. Only in rare cases does it affect our loving and romantic relationships. I can state this emphatically that the vast majority of us can have fantastic monogamous relationships and watch porn.

        Why? Because we are grounded in reality. We know that pics are photoshopped. We know that porn is scripted and those crazy scenes have a hundred takes. Unfortunately, it doesn't make the pictures or movies any less enjoyable. However, and for you, Most importantly, we do not compare fictional actresses or nameless women in photographs to our partners. Our partners are real women, with real bodies. Our partners have personalities and souls. Watching porn does not make a man more likely to have an affair or less likely to be happy in a relationship.

        Without wanting to sound harsh, you appear to both naive and insecure. He isn't comparing you to the photos, but you are. You can be fabulous looking, but there will always be someone with better hips, larger breasts and nicer butt. So what? Your BF loves you because of the whole package -- who you are as a person, your looks, your temperament etc. He appears to be well grounded. You seem to think he will never "look at anyone else"? Really? What you want him to think, which he does, that he prefers you to everyone whether they have a cuter butt or not.

        If he ever denigrates you using the pictures or says that he wants those women . . . or if the pictures are of a woman he knows and sees in his life . . . dump him. He is scum. But if he is true to you and his porn watching does not make him love you less or want you less, what is the harm? Worse, you will be unable to ban porn from this or any relationship. All it will do is drive your man underground and will drive you into a porn detective. It will ruin your relationship more effectively than his watching porn.

        To see if I am correct, have a real conversation about it. Not one in which you interrogate him, accuse him of something and then cry. A conversation in which he feels safe to discuss his feelings. He lied to you because he knew your reaction. If you have religious issues against porn, discuss them openly. Be secure in his love for you . . . you cannot be replaced by porn.
        "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

        Comment


        • Welcome Sarah!

          You might find this conversation interesting: https://www.womens-health.com/boards...attention.html.

          I used to be a man like what you want when I fell in love for the first time. All I thought about was my girlfriend. I thought that pretty much no one was as beautiful as she was. I didn't look at other women in a sexual way. I could have had that with the next woman I fell in love with and the love of my life, but she didn't do the right things. I kept telling her. Then when she found out that what she apparently felt for me wasn't reciprocated she went out of her mind with jealousy.

          I didn't cheat. I didn't look at porn. I didn't even flirt. We just had a single friend that told me she was horny and I suggested that a situation in which we'd spend time together alone was not a good idea. My wife asked me if I found her attractive and I told the truth. I'll never do it again. I won't lie, but I won't answer questions like that anymore. I think that your boyfriend shouldn't either. You also shouldn't ask, in my opinion.

          You have the right to demand what you want out of a mate. But some demands are going to be harder than others to meet. The harder they are to meet, the more it usually requires of you. If you want a man who doesn't ever look at porn, what will be the trade-off? Does he even like sex much? Is he going to be a very sexually expressive person? Is he a religious man that will want to be celibate? Do you want a man that doesn't ever look at or fantasize about other women sexually? He's so rare, that he's probably pretty close to nonexistent. Does he even like women that much? Again, what will you have to do in the way of flawless behavior to maintain his attention on you? Do you want a man that thinks you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Are you the most beautiful woman? You're not. You don't have the most perfect butt. Accept that and know that there is much more to love than physical attraction.

          I think that "all guys look at porn" is false too. But "all guys have looked at porn" is a different deal.

          I remember that some researchers wanted to conduct a study on the effects of pornography on the brain. They were going to look at the brains of boys and men who had viewed viewed pornography and compare it to those who hadn't. They ran into one major problem - they couldn't locate any men who hadn't ever seen pornography.
          "Those sowing seed with tears
          Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

          Comment


          • I've read statistics claiming that between 66% and 77% of men look at porn monthly. A Christian publication indicated that the statistics for men who identified as Christian were the same as the general population. I also read an article about the same study in which the study organizers could not find a man who had never watched porn.

            It's simply shocking to me that some women are still stunned that their BF's watch porn.
            "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Magnetism View Post
              I disagree with "all guys look at porn." I had an ex a few years ago that got mad at me for looking at porn! He just thought it was dumb, especially when he already had a girlfriend. As a woman that likes porn myself, some people just like the idea of looking at both. Porn/erotica turns you on and gets you in the mood. It can enhance the experience with your partner. I can empathize with partners feeling hurt, as if they're not good enough. To me, I can feel that my partner is enough and still look at porn.
              I think your ex just got mad at you for looking at porn, doesn't mean he does not watch it either. Sometimes watching porn is somewhat racist when it's supposed for man, not woman. I particularly feel better if my bf watches porn and learns some techniques from those ******** hot actors = .=

              Comment

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