Single for 9 years, now dating 4 months, and freaking out! Normal or paranoid??

[JustaGirl]

I was single for 9 years after dealing with some pretty manipulative user ex's. I went through phases of staying far from dating, dating with disappointment, going back to staying away, then dating but finding immediate reasons to cast the person away after just one date, then dating with no luck, and back and forth among it all. The ones I liked, didnt like me in return, or were just lustful physical connections, or vice versa. I became pretty clear about what I thought made a man a good person and that should be most important, but of course attraction and compatibility is important too.

In July i met a guy who was not my usual type but I kept an open mind and accepted a date to try to get to know more about him. I will say that we are definitely different creatures in so many ways, but what I found attractive was that he seems to be a genuinely kind, warm, giving, caring person. So opposite of my mistakes of the past. He is totally not what I am typically attracted to but surprisingly I was willing to look past all his quirks and see a person I could open up and give a try to. Luckily I did because we get along really well. He is very loving and doting and willing to give all of his time to our relationship...again opposite of my past! A great partner indeed.

So heres the problem.. we are in our late 30's. He not only has lived with his mother for the past few years "to get on his feet" but his closeness with his mother weirds me out. I am close with my parents but I dont live with them and have dinner with them everyday. I dont say "just think of her as a roomate" and I dont have a connection where my mom and I text each other all day long and go on dog walks or to adventure parks together. I feel creeped out by this umbilical cord and he thinks its totally normal.

His mom is a single parent so part of me wants to think mayyyybe this is because they are all each other have? But i cant ignore that I think a grown freakin man should not be a)living with his mom and view her as a roomate b) spend so much time together and c)think its normal! Am I totally in the wrong here??

[Something_Awesome]

Well, that's they life they are choosing and it's what makes the comfortable. And he could be using the "get back on my feet" thing as an excuse. The vibe I am getting though (given the details) is that you're always going to be number 2 to his mom.

[Motorguy]

I was single for 9 years after dealing with some pretty manipulative user ex's. I went through phases of staying far from dating, dating with disappointment, going back to staying away, then dating but finding immediate reasons to cast the person away after just one date, then dating with no luck, and back and forth among it all. The ones I liked, didnt like me in return, or were just lustful physical connections, or vice versa. I became pretty clear about what I thought made a man a good person and that should be most important, but of course attraction and compatibility is important too.

In July i met a guy who was not my usual type but I kept an open mind and accepted a date to try to get to know more about him. I will say that we are definitely different creatures in so many ways, but what I found attractive was that he seems to be a genuinely kind, warm, giving, caring person. So opposite of my mistakes of the past. He is totally not what I am typically attracted to but surprisingly I was willing to look past all his quirks and see a person I could open up and give a try to. Luckily I did because we get along really well. He is very loving and doting and willing to give all of his time to our relationship...again opposite of my past! A great partner indeed.

So heres the problem.. we are in our late 30's. He not only has lived with his mother for the past few years "to get on his feet" but his closeness with his mother weirds me out. I am close with my parents but I dont live with them and have dinner with them everyday. I dont say "just think of her as a roomate" and I dont have a connection where my mom and I text each other all day long and go on dog walks or to adventure parks together. I feel creeped out by this umbilical cord and he thinks its totally normal.

His mom is a single parent so part of me wants to think mayyyybe this is because they are all each other have? But i cant ignore that I think a grown freakin man should not be a)living with his mom and view her as a roomate b) spend so much time together and c)think its normal! Am I totally in the wrong here??

You pretty correct a guy who is living with his mother like you just wrote about is really creepy. I could see living with a parent or parents if you going through a tough time. But more then a few months this is very weird not counting creepy as you know his mother going to be all up in his relationship you are having with her son. I say myself find a guy who is on his own has a good job and is not a mommy boy who can't be with out parents interference in his relationship. So good luck Justagirl in looking for that nice fun guy.