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What is wrong with me?!

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  • What is wrong with me?!

    Myself and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years. We have a great relationship and he is my best friend aswel as the love of my life. We have talked about getting married and im just waiting for him to pop the question any year now lol. We are also currently trying for a baby after having a miscarriage in June '14. We have been living together for 2 years and i wouldnt change a thing.
    However, i was out for my work christmas party 2 weeks ago and we ended up going to a local nightclub at the end of the night (after a good few too many drinks). I thought my boyfriend was there as i saw a few of his friends so I went to look for him. Needless to say he was not there but i bumped into my ex-boyfriend who i hadnt seen or spoke to in over 5 years (we last spoke a few months before i got with my current bf). He was really nice and gave me a big hug and we chatted for a bit before he had to go. And now 2 weeks later i cant stop thinking about him and how much i miss talking to him.
    A bit of background about me and my ex. I met him when i was 17 and he was 25 through a mutual friend and we became good friends. I never felt attracted to him at all at first. A few months later things got a bit flirty and after a night out we ended up sleeping together (he was my first) and then became casual friends with benefits which led to a short relationship and back to friends with benefits as he was just out of a long term relationship and didnt want anything serious. I on the other hand was young, naive and completely head over heels about him so thought if i kept it going the way it was then surely he would soon feel the same. I was wrong and i ended the 'relationship' after a year and a half. We stayed in touch a bit as friends and it eventually fizzled out. He was a great guy and i always loved talking to him. When i got with my current bf though i completely forget about him and learned what real love felt like - but why cant i stop thinking about my ex now. I dont think its a sex thing as sex with my now OH is amazing and much better than what me and my ex had , i think i just miss the friendship and the fact that we cant be friends anymore.
    Am i a bad person? Should i tell my bf whats going on in my head or should i leave it and see if my thoughts about my ex go away?
    Help! i feel so bad and guilty constantly. Its eating me up! :-(

  • Well Couture I think you have those feeling that of ex BF is a great guy to chat with but that's all. This is like my wife of 27 years has for actor George Clooney or Mathew McConaguhe knowing she will never have sex with them but it's that feeling she think there handsome men it's a dream and only that. So you will get over this ex bf and move on but don't bother telling your current guy and put doubts.That you checking out other guys in a sexually matter.
    When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.


    • I say leave the ex alone. Youmay have those feelings simply because he was your first. Nothing good will come out of maintaining contact with him.

      As for your current BF... Well, I think the word of advice from experts is that if you want to marry the guy, you shoukd not move in with him before marriage. I hear all the time about couples who move in together before marriage and the guy never ends up proposing (not saying it won't happen, but the numbers say it probably won't happen). Not sure what to advise other than I probably would not coerce him to propose by threatening to leave him (you want the proposal to come from a "better place" than that).

      To be honest, I'd talk to him. He really shoukd be more considerate of what you value and your time you've soent with him as well. Don't have a baby until your married (assuming marriage is something that is important to you).

      I really hope it works out. Keep us updated if you do have a talk about it with him (it's just us guys don't often handle this type of convo well).
      [B]"Are you serious? You're [i]bleeping[/I] THAT girl?"[/B][B] - [COLOR="#B22222"]jen1447[/COLOR][/B]


      • Forget about it! You've just seen him, it's natural for nostalgic feelings to appear. Don't ruin the amazing realtionship you have with your bf by telling him things he does not need to know. You did nothing! It's ok to have thoughts in your head. They will be forgotten really soon. Can you imagine how that will make your bf feel?! And why? Because of nothing really! Forget it, it will pass.


        • Thank you for your comments.

          Something Awesome - i definitely have no intention of getting back in touch with my ex, he did re-add me on facebook and i accepted but other than that i will not talk to him again. I think like Moriya said, it brought up some nostalgic feelings of when i was young and a lot wilder and being with him was always a thrill but now im settled and secure its nice to look back at those times. I have noticed that my thoughts about him have subsided a little over the past 2 days so im certain they will disappear altogether soon.
          As regards to living together, marriage and having a baby - i am not religious in any way so having a baby before marriage doesnt bother me. Living together at the time was the next step in our relationship and personally for me i would never marry someone if i didnt know what it was like to live with them first. I live in Ireland and that is more common over here, marriage usually comes a few years after moving in with one another. Also i will add that marriage isnt all that important to me but we have discussed it and we will someday get married.

          Moriya - you are dead right, it was complete nostalgia for the old days when i was young and thought i was in love with this guy. I do think i will always have a spot for him in my heart and its just learning to deal with it and not over-think it. I would never do anything to jeopardize what me and my BF have now. But like i said, these thoughts about my ex seem to be getting less over the last few days so i know i will forget about him again.

          Thanks again.


          • I'm so happy i could help. But more happy i was right what i mean is, i'm really glad you're forgetting him. By now i guess it's all back to normal


            • Don't contact back your ex. Forget your ex if you want to happy with your boyfriend.
              Last edited by craigjkt1; 03-09-2015, 02:29 AM.


              • I didn't understand why you've added him on facebook. If seeing him has sparked something that disturbed you, why give space for it to happen again? He'll be knowing where you are, what you're doing, with whom... is it really necessary? And you may also be tempted to check on him in the future.

                If you could see him and be totally ok with it, not feel anything at all, fine. But seeing him has made you feel different and even negative about yourself (read the end of your first post).

                As a general rule, I try to keep a distance from all things that have potential to harm me... or my man.



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