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Is she being unreasonable?

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  • Is she being unreasonable?

    About a year after my divorce I met a girl (August 2016) that I really loved. It was my first relationship since the divorce and things started off fast and within a couple of months we were talking about moving in together in the summer of 2017. We both had 2 kids from previous marriages. She was planning on moving in to my house with her kids. Around January 2017 after I had some time for my logic reasoning to overriding the emotional, I realized the cost and time to finish my house to have enough space for 6 people would be difficult to meet by this summer. On top of that we'd have to buy a new vehicle to haul around 6 people. I told her I wanted to push the move in date back to the following summer to give us more time to adjust to the idea of living together but to also spread out the cost of the up front purchases we needed to make. Moving in has to be the summers not to interrupt her kids schools schedules, since her kids would be transferring schools for this move. She essentially had no savings so most of the cost would have fallen on me. After I mentioned this she was very upset, she told me she thought I was only doing this because I was trying to leave her. I talked with her and assured her that wasn't the case. After about a week she seemed back to normal. She later on told me she would wait for me and that she agreed this was the best decision. I also planned family trips for the summer and other activities that we could do as a blended family to help bridge the gap.

    About 2 - 3 months after this she ended the relationship with me. She told me after pushing the moving date back she lost all trust in me and had mentally checked out of the relationship, she told me she figured that moving in would never happen. I was floored and I had no idea that she mentally checked out and was planning on breaking up with me. I asked her if this issue was so detrimental to the relationship then why didn't she tell me. She told me she didn't want to push me on the issue because she was afraid it would never happen then. She told me because I moved the date back that I wasn't ready for the relationship. I just thought this was absurd, because I thought I was doing what was best for both families. Anyway after she broke up with me I tried to get her back and said that I would hire someone to get the house done. I really loved this girl and was trying to do what I could to save the relationship. Even though the cost to do all this was a lot and would have fallen primarily on me, it was more important for me to save the relationship. I feel blown away, if I had known this was impacting her so badly I would have tried to do something but she broke up with me before I even had the chance. Was she being unreasonable or am I to blame for pushing back the move in date? I tried hard to make it right but she just tells me she can't trust me anymore.

  • It sounds like it was a living arrangement for her instead of a love relationship. To be fair, she has to look out for her children. Be careful about what you promise.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • This is the same woman that didn't trust you because of the dating site registration, right? If so, lack of trust seems to be an ongoing issue.
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126


      • Yeah, I think the writing is on the wall with this woman. I believe her feelings aren't anywhere near what they should be for you and that she hoped to rely upon your financial stability. Her excuses for her lack of trust are pretty ridiculous. Of course, there are two sides to every story, but if your side is even fairly accurate, she's pretty ridiculous. SHE is the one who should not be trusted.

        Please see the writing on the wall and consider this a blessing in disguise. Cut your losses with this one and cut your ties.
        "Be what you're looking for."


        • Seems like a handy excuse to dump you. Seems like she wasn't really committed to you at all, but the prospect of what you may provide.

          Dodged a bullet as it seems.


          • I have to agree with everyone. Trust seems like a big problem for her. Would you have really wanted to live with someone insecure like that? You were being reasonable and weren't in the wrong. I think you'll end up happier without her in your life. You aren't to blame. I'd cut your losses and move on. There is someone out there wonderful for you: believe it.



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