[Lithium]

Ok atskitty2 I understood now. I was getting the picture all wrong.
Then, if its not that personal, which disease do you have? I have my own baggage of health problems but it never hold me back when it comes to dating.
I saw a show once about people with problems (physical or mental) which made they're dating life difficult. Well... me and my partner both had the same feeling for 90% of them: the problem was not they're physical or mental disabilities but the fact they were making it a bigger issue than it was and the biggest problem in the end was they're attitude. I bet this is not you're situation also, I just remembered this show. One girl there was way too picky, way too annoying (t´her attitude was awful towards daily normal things) and yeah... weird shows nowadays

Anyway... maybe you just didn't found someone that was worth your time at all? Because I don't think someone really interested in you will be cringed because you choose a salad in a pizza or burger place hehe

[amy40]

I'm being dramatic there to demonstrate that I don't want to be perceived as misleading, as I so often think men are with me.

kitty, did he ask you out again or did you already tell him you weren't interested?
in your post you said "he is a really good guy"

know you think he was misleading by the picture but I bet 99.9% of people put their best pics out there even if a picture was taken 5 yrs ago and maybe his was, but if everyone put what exactly they looked like, including women without hair and makeup perfect, would anyone date?

[amy40]

Kitty, are you looking for someone you may not find?
I remember a post of yours before where you thought you'd have found someone by now

[amy40]

tried to add to last post but forum will not let me add to posts anymore, frustrating

wanted to add, that I only posted last post because I remember a post of yours from before that you thought you would have found someone by now

kitty, do you think you have more checklists now than dating in your younger years?
is it possible you have more checklists because of your former spouse?

[atskitty2]

Amy, as I said before, misleading me, lying basically is what I have a problem with, not that he was heavy. He didn't tell me he had gained 50 pounds since those pics... He could have. He realized it because he mentioned it on the date, that he's changed a lot since those pics were taken.
Then change the pics dude... I didn't even recognize him when I walked up, and that's what sparked the conversation on that. I went thru the date. I didn't write him off, just for that. But yeah, it leaves a bitter taste from the first moment

I just cut my hair a few months ago, and I took new pictures to post. I don't look like I did 4 months ago. And yes for what it's worth, I actually do post pics of me in everyday life. Not made up any more than I am for work, no special occasion pictures. I genuinely do try to give a realistic impression of my appearance. I would prefer a man see me and say wow, you look even better than the pics, than to gain their interest based on smth unrealistic.

Online dating is full of this stuff. It's happened too many times to remember. I don't gain respect for anyone right away if they have no pride or confidence in themselves to be up front. If they don't accept themselves at 50# overweight, why should I?

I don't think my expectations are out of line, I really don't. I've mulled this over with trusted friends that I could share more details with and that know me. My own "truthtellers" have actually told me just the opposite, that the men I have dated for awhile, and been interested in, were far beneath the goals I should have. If that makes sense. I think they'd support me but they thought I should keep looking.

Yes, of course I have more to look out for since being married. There are things that I wouldn't tolerate again and if I recognized the patterns, that'd be a deal breaker for me. Thankfully I don't think a lot of men have those issues.

[atskitty2]

Lithium, they haven't put a name on it yet. Unfortunately. I have one of those illusive autoimmune diseases. None of the specific tests come back positive. One doc strongly suspects lupus, the other seems to be convinced that it is sjogrens syndrome.

I have evaluated myself for the past year or so and wondered about what you said. I don't think I have made it too big a deal. I looked around at work at the people who knew, and realized most didn't know, unless they worked with me at the time I was out for 6 wks. One girl mentioned her specific dietary needs so I joined that conversation. She has crohns.

Thinking about the discussions with friends, they generally ask if there has been a diagnosis made, but it isn't a lengthy discussion. I often do feel I NEED to vent about it tho and have nobody to confide in. It is still a daily battle, though much less so than a year ago. So I don't think I'm one of those who makes every effort to discuss what is going on with my life. I really don't want to be defined by it, as BD and I were discussing. It is a big part of my life tho, and likely always will be at this point. So it's hard to not have some mention of it from time to time if we spend any time together at all.

[atskitty2]

Oh, and whomever asked, yes the guy from Friday wanted to see me again the following evening. I told him there was really no deeper interest for me.

I have disabled the app for now.

I have plenty to keep me busy over the next few weeks. In my new city, there will be a new crop of eligible men from a much larger area to choose from. Lol.
I'm going to a city quite a bit larger than here, with a much better cultural background as well. I'm excited to perhaps meet some new people and explore the city from a locals' perspective. They should know all the best places to see, not just the touristy attractions.

[atskitty2]

Oh... And a "fun" part of dating is the chronic hives. I have had them mostly under control, but take zyrtec when they flare up for more than a few hours.

These itchy hives are a nightmare. No kidding, they can get so bad that I can't think about anything else. They come randomly. Often it is just an hour or so and then they fade. I try not to medicate every flare up, as they do subside on their own.

I was on a date once and hadn't had a flare-up so I didn't come prepared. I hadnt taken medication to prevent. They hit hard and fast sometimes, and that happened as we were strolling the mall. Lol. The date was going well and I didn't want to look like a raging lunatic by scratching my body from arms to feet... But the itch and irritation were just overwhelming for me. I tried not to be too insistent but asked if he would mind if I ran to the pharmacy down the street... Ofc he didn't, but asked if I could explain what was wrong suddenly. I said that I have chronic hives and need zyrtec quickly or I'll be miserable for hours. He politely ended the date and I never heard from him again. All I cared about in that moment was to stop the itching and burning and prevent him from seeing the rash that comes out... Lol

Maybe had I explained ahead that I have an autoimmune problem, that I have some odd symptoms sometimes, he wouldn't have been so taken aback by my sudden change in demeanor.

It's a funny memory. One for the book I really need to write about my dating follies. Lol.
Seriously. The craziness of it had me laughing a few days later. Would love to know what that man thought was wrong with me... Lol

I remember that from last summer because I'm having hives this morning. Was one of the first dates I think, after I had been so sick. I think that was part of why I started sharing the info sooner rather than later.

Anyway, picture it... It was pretty funny looking back.

[DreamP346]

My past dating style is definitely not for all. When I was dating, eating a meal together was something that only happened after several other dates, maybe even sex. The first few dates were more about going to a bar or going dancing. Again, focus on the fun part. Once we already developed a rapport together and wanted to spend more time together, we would do dinner which lead to sitting and talking. Again, something that worked for me. Just another option to think about.

[atskitty2]

SP, I went out dancing a few weeks ago. It was great fun. My one friend and I will go usually once or twice a year. I gave my number to a couple of young men that were interested and seemed fun and intelligent. They were in their 20's. I texted with them a few days afterward. They really only wanna sleep with the older women, to say that they did.
Most of the time the young guys will be up front about it, if asked. And the one, I did ask.

Not my idea of fun. I admit it is flattering to have the attention of men that age, or men of any age quite honestly. It is a ego punch for me, I freely admit that. I guess I use them for that, as much as they want to use me for sex...?
I don't approach them, they come to me, but yeah, that sort of superficial thing is not the foundation I want to lay. Doesn't mean I expect to be committed by the second date, but if we aren't looking for the same type of relationship, it's a pretty safe bet that I won't find what I'm looking for in that person.

I do get what you're saying tho. I do think that I need to refocus a bit, and make fun times and enjoying myself the main idea. Maybe a committed relationship is not what my goal should be... Maybe that's part of my problem.


Thanks again for reading and contributing everyone. I'm sort of thinking out loud... A process in my mind right now, and I have typed a novel.