Women's Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.


No announcement yet.

Is this a yellow flag?

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Is this a yellow flag?

    I had an interesting text exchange with a guy I've been seeing, and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I'd like to hear your thoughts. Extra points from our men on this one, cuz as a woman, I'm puzzled.
    I wish I could put it in better context. I realize over texts, things can seem very different than we intend, so I'm just curious what someone else would think.

    The gist of it was, he commented something about me watching him-as in stalking. I said I'm not that type. He said too bad (rather joking). I asked if he was looking for someone to stalk him (again, still a rather joking tone), he said he'd never had a stalker before and it would be nice to have someone be that crazy about him. ??
    I said, that's not a person who's crazy about you, that is just crazy. He said sometimes a little crazy will do, is there something you need to tell me?
    Then I said seriously tho, no, I'm not crazy.
    He said I've never made him think I'm crazy.
    I asked if he's really thinking he'd just enjoy someone who "ACTED that crazy about you"? Is that what you mean?". He said he'd just rather a person be that into him.

    Now, I'm not suggesting this guy is a stalker, that's not my thought at all. I'm thinking he probably doesn't know himself very well, and is probably going to be very needy, if he thinks stalker-like behaviour is appealing...??? It was all just a little messed up...the conversation. It's silly, and kind of weird.

    Would you sort of put yourself on alert with this dude's mental health or his own evaluation of his needs in a relationship? I'm probably over-thinking the whole thing, but something about it all just didn't settle right with me.
    I'm not terribly crazy about him, and I have had other things make me say Hmmm...but we've not known each other long, so I am giving it time, but this really raised my guard a little, especially after I said, "in all seriousness now"


  • There is a fine line between a touch of craziness and too much craziness. He was probably just complaining due to a past of vanilla relationships. He wants a little more of the unexpected, but focused on wanting him. This could be seen as clinging or it could be seen as bonding.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
      He said sometimes a little crazy will do, is there something you need to tell me?

      I'm not terribly crazy about him
      does he know you're not that crazy about him? but perhaps wishes you were?


      • I have no idea what he knows or thinks. We've not been talking very long and only met a few times, and no discussion about feelings has been started. We're just getting to know each other.

        I don't think it's unreasonable for him to want someone that's crazy about him. I do too.
        I think his ideas about how a person demonstrates their feelings may be out of sync with mine. By a wide gap!


        • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
          I think his ideas about how a person demonstrates their feelings may be out of sync with mine. By a wide gap!
          he sounds like a younger person?
          and you are a more serious person it seems


          • I don't remember his exact age, but we're close in age. If he's younger, it's only a couple years or so.


            • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
              text exchange
              have you talked in person since the text exchange and asked what he meant?

              have found that texts, emails, and even posts on a forum often can't express total meaning
              husband responds "what?" half the time with my texts and some of his emails, I don't know what he's talking about


              • No, I probably won't see him in person until next week.


                • I wouldn't think anything of it. It seemed like a playful exchange and even the most non-clingy of people enjoy the thought of someone being "crazy about them".

                  If all else was going great, this would not be a concern to me at all. But, if you have other yellow/red flags then you have to consider those too, of course.
                  "Be what you're looking for."


                  • As a guy who's had a relationship with a woman who was so crazy about him she began to be a stalker, I feel like I can comment: at first, it **is** flattering to have someone that "crazy" about you - and this was a very attractive woman! - but only when "crazy" is a figure of speech, not an actual condition...
                    At any rate, I do believe you're over-thinking this, and the guy was only kidding about how nice it would be to have someone deeply attracted to him.

                    He certainly would never joke about it if he'd actually had a woman break into his place while he was asleep... with someone else.


                    • He wasn't kidding when he said it the last time. I got the impression he really didn't quite get the distinction. I guess the reason I'd even probed into the discussion was because I'd had some other questions come up...things that just gave me pause, no flashing red lights. He strikes me as very lonely, and has since the first night we met-so I do think a big part of it is just that. But still there's just something that makes me wonder.


                      • Hard to tell from a few texts, which no doubt are presented here in edited form. If the discussion had been face-to-face, much more would be revealed from tone, body language, etc.

                        The yellow flag for me is simply the use of the word "stalker". Does anyone really want a stalker in their life? It smacks of the psychologically unhealthy, the criminal and the dangerous. But perhaps in dashing off a text without giving it deep thought, it was simply a poor choice of words and not too much should be read into it.

                        I can understand wanting to be the object of another's desire, but not when that desire turns to obsession and a smothering kind of wanting.

                        So, at this stage, perhaps no cause for alarm, but worthy of some circumspection until more of this person is revealed.
                        I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.


                        • I think that was my idea Baboy. Its just something to consider as I go on...if I go on.

                          I did paraphrase the msgs.


                          • I don't see the funny side of his "kidding" about having a stalker. Where is the humour in that? If you're seeing yellow flags now, imagine how you'll be worrying later down the line. Your instincts are telling you to not trust him: trust YOUR instincts. If you can't be comfortable and secure with him now, I don't see how you're going to feel as time moves on. It would be far better to end things now: before you get hurt. This sounds odd, but I don't trust him. I may be wrong, but all the signals are there.


                            • kitty,
                              let us know what happens with your date this week
                              good luck



                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Activity On Our Forums


                              Latest Topics On Our Forums