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John or Jane? because i feel onesided

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  • John or Jane? because i feel onesided

    My little sis and her bf. ( not their real names)

    Jane and John have been dating for 3 months. Jane stays over at John’s house 80% of the time because it’s a little bit of a shorter drive to work but mostly because if john stayed at Jane’s, then it would be twice as for him to drive to work. However, Jane would be totally fine sleeping at her own house, but john wants her to be at his place (maybe for his convenience). One day they got in a fight and john was mad because Jane doesn’t help out much with walking the dogs, helping with the dishes which probably isn’t a lot because they always eat out, and that 90 percent of the time Jane annoys him. John also lives at his parents’ house, which John got mad when Jane said those are your chores….excluding her being annoying 90 percent of the time. John tells Jane to go home and they don’t talk for a few days even though Jane wants to talk on the phone, He says no.
    1. Should john be mad if Jane doesn’t help do the dishes or help him walk his parent’s dogs?
    2. Is being annoying 90% of the time someone who you stay with or maybe a bit of an exaggeration?
    3. Should john not answer Jane’s calls because he doesn’t want to talk?
    Any additional advice or tips?

  • My first thought is, how old are you and your sister for you to be so involved in her life? Ultimately, this is simply not your business, what she chooses to do or tolerate, or what this family chooses to tolerate from her.

    I'm assuming she is an adult since she is working.

    Is there a reason you're asking for advice in this? Did she ask for opinions orfeedback?

    The whole situation is not something I'd find to be acceptable from either perspective. Everyone has different patterns and ways to live their lives tho, and this seems to be her choice for now.


    • I'm 38 and shes 25. We are super close and she shares everything with me. It just seems like she wants some feedback that is from a neutral party. I guess i'm trying to find two-sided advice to help her choose how she should feel.


      • Three months in and they are fighting over these things? The dogs are John's responsibility but she should help out once in a while since she is staying there. If she is contributing to the dirty dishes, she should help out more often. Playing telephone games sounds controlling but maybe it is a way to keep from getting in a bigger fight (sort of quit picking at the scab).
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


        • Ugh...so much wrong here honestly. Red flags flying all directions.

          I understand a bit more now, as that age difference especially lends itself to a mentor/father figure type of role. I am glad you're trying to help. Please also realize, she needs to think and feel what she feels...not have anyone telling her what she should think and feel, etc.
          I'm genuinely not trying to be hard on you here

          If I was annoying someone before we even really got to know each other well, I'd be gone. No looking back. 3 months, even at age 25, is no time in a relationship. Honeymoon phase; they should be in that period when they can't see anything wrong with anything...that "love is blind" phenomenon. Instead they have these things to sort through? Doomed and quite honestly this guy sounds like a bad apple.

          That really is enough for me. That's my thought.

          Never mind the details about fighting over chores. Your sis needs to be single, understand her value and not allow herself to be treated this way.
          Additionally, she will need to understand to pull her own weight, especially in someone else's home. Is she staying rent free?

          Does she listen to you? Does she generally hear your perspective and accept the ideas?


          • I second atskitty2's post. I have nothing to add to it.



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