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Would you date a bisexual man?

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  • Originally posted by Kayla Lords View Post
    When I met my now-husband, it took him a while to tell me he was bisexual (because of so much previous judgment and rejection he'd faced). I never had a problem with it; eventually, he felt comfortable enough to come out as pansexual. It's just another part of who he is like having blue eyes or curly hair.

    That being said, unfortunately there are too many people who will have negative opinions, as if you being bi has anything to do with them. Bi-erasure is a real thing and some people will reject you for it. It hurts but also, they're self-selecting out of the running for your time and affection, so let them go. Because the person you want to be with won't care one way or the other.

    But I also don't think you have to come out on the first date. Some people I know put it in their bios and profiles so anyone who does have an issue with it can keep on scrolling. Others I know only bring it up once they think the interaction might progress beyond the initial introductions and first date.
    Thank you Kayla )
    Yes, my impression is that gay and straight make sense to people. Those not at either end present a somewhat more complex challenge.
    I know Tinder is hardly the best place to begin but I've not said a word about this to any women I've met. My profile makes it clear I'm not after a long-term relationship (or a ONS... shudder) so I don't feel the need to discuss anything too personal just yet.
    As for men, I've been quite clear where I stand, what I'm looking for and so forth. I've yet to meet anyone who sparks any real interest but it's fun looking. A fortune spent on sex toys might have been the best insurance I've got against just sleeping with the first man I meet

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    • I'm a little late to this party, so I don't know if the OP will be checking for more replies or not. But in case he is I want to say that there are a LOT of women who enjoy bisexual men. I'm one of them. I had a brief (too brief for me) relationship with a bisexual man and I had the best sex of my life. I don't know where you live, I'm in the United States and the atmosphere is absolutely toxic regarding bisexuality. It has always confused me how the gay community can march for acceptance and then look down on bisexuality. As though you can't play for both teams or something. So yes, you will encounter judgements but I believe that stems from 3 things. 1. Fear of "not being enough" for a bisexual partner 2. Unwillingness to explore the possibility that they themselves have the same feelings and 3. The social conditioning that says "here's what straight men like and here's what gay men like." I say throw out the rulebook and figure out what you like. I'm certain you can find someone who likes the same things. You will run into men who claim to be bisexual, but really only go one way. You'll figure out quickly which it is. There will be both men and women who will consider you a fresh meal due to your inexperience. Be careful with anyone who is overly eager to show you the ropes.
      I am pansexual. And as I said I love bisexual men of they are truly bi and not looking for a novelty. Bi men seem to be more open to exploring sources of pleasure. That turns me on.
      I'm not alone.
      As for when to tell - it's not a confession. It's important to know you don't need to tell anyone anything until you're ready. Do you expect a woman your go on a first date with to tell your her sexual history and every proclivity? No. So please don't se yourself as an oddity - other people will pick up on your self-judgements. Then one of two things will happen. Either she will pile on the judgment or she'll have reservations about being with someone who can't accept himself as he is.
      Move at your own pace and love yourself. Best wishes.

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      • I'm bisexual myself, so what's the problem? I would actually prefer to date another bisexual person, because of the common experiences.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by LynneZ_VXXI View Post
          I'm a little late to this party, so I don't know if the OP will be checking for more replies or not. But in case he is I want to say that there are a LOT of women who enjoy bisexual men. I'm one of them. I had a brief (too brief for me) relationship with a bisexual man and I had the best sex of my life. I don't know where you live, I'm in the United States and the atmosphere is absolutely toxic regarding bisexuality. It has always confused me how the gay community can march for acceptance and then look down on bisexuality. As though you can't play for both teams or something. So yes, you will encounter judgements but I believe that stems from 3 things. 1. Fear of "not being enough" for a bisexual partner 2. Unwillingness to explore the possibility that they themselves have the same feelings and 3. The social conditioning that says "here's what straight men like and here's what gay men like." I say throw out the rulebook and figure out what you like. I'm certain you can find someone who likes the same things. You will run into men who claim to be bisexual, but really only go one way. You'll figure out quickly which it is. There will be both men and women who will consider you a fresh meal due to your inexperience. Be careful with anyone who is overly eager to show you the ropes.
          I am pansexual. And as I said I love bisexual men of they are truly bi and not looking for a novelty. Bi men seem to be more open to exploring sources of pleasure. That turns me on.
          I'm not alone.
          As for when to tell - it's not a confession. It's important to know you don't need to tell anyone anything until you're ready. Do you expect a woman your go on a first date with to tell your her sexual history and every proclivity? No. So please don't se yourself as an oddity - other people will pick up on your self-judgements. Then one of two things will happen. Either she will pile on the judgment or she'll have reservations about being with someone who can't accept himself as he is.
          Move at your own pace and love yourself. Best wishes.
          Thank you for replying Lynne. I've been otherwise distracted so only catching up on messages.
          Sadly I'm in Australia, otherwise I'd be asking if you fancied meeting for a drink
          Well, you're right. I've told a select few people I'm bisexual and the response from gay men and straight women isn't always positive. It really does polarise.
          You could be describing me (I hope) I've always tried to be very open with (female) partners and made our mutual enjoyment a priority. I'm generally horrified when female friends across a range of ages tell me about their sex lives. Really, there are a lot of clueless men out there as well as some apparently amazing guys. It seems there's not a lot of middle ground.
          I've been particularly lucky however. An ex-girlfriend who always suspected (maybe before I did) that I was bisexual has introduced me to another ex-partner of hers. I knew vaguely of him (she dated him after we broke up but we'd remained on good terms so used to meet occasionally for drinks) but she literally sat me down and said, "right, I'm inviting X over for lunch next week, he's a great guy and I think he's what you need right now [followed by a long discussion about his prowess as a lover] Long story cut short, we're now seeing each other (discretely, he's not open about this either) and the past few weeks have been a blur of experimentation and amazing sex. I write this on a Saturday evening whilst he's out for dinner with friends and I'm waiting in eager anticipation of a long night of passionate love-making. I really do feel that I've landed on my feet with Mr. X.
          Thank you again, you've some excellent advice and I hope I can live up to the reputation

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Space-Traveller View Post
            I'm bisexual myself, so what's the problem? I would actually prefer to date another bisexual person, because of the common experiences.
            That's reassuring to know. It's interesting as I feel very much the same. In the past I had several girlfriends who were bisexual. Strangely one was incredibly open-minded in the bedroom but told me that she disgusted when she discovered that her last boyfriend had slept with a couple of men before she'd met him. Unsurprisingly I never told her about the occasional erotic dream and fantasies I had about her ex
            But yes, whilst for the first time in my life I'm seeing another man he's moving away soon and my thoughts for the future are very much on dating bisexual men as a preference.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by Qrious123 View Post

              That's reassuring to know. It's interesting as I feel very much the same. In the past I had several girlfriends who were bisexual. Strangely one was incredibly open-minded in the bedroom but told me that she disgusted when she discovered that her last boyfriend had slept with a couple of men before she'd met him. Unsurprisingly I never told her about the occasional erotic dream and fantasies I had about her ex
              But yes, whilst for the first time in my life I'm seeing another man he's moving away soon and my thoughts for the future are very much on dating bisexual men as a preference.
              Maybe it was the number of guys he slept with that scared her off? I hope.

              I was in a relationship with a bisexual girl and dated but didn't have a relationship with a couple of bi guys. I don't click as well with lesbians, because it's a different experience, but who knows what happens in the future. I dated both straight and bi guys, but it seems like I dated disproportionately many bi men compared to most women and I believe we gravitate naturally toward each other because of a common outlook on many things. I don't know that the guys are bi before they tell me.

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