[laraecwhyte]

Hello Everyone, I just recently joined this form. I was in a commited relationship with my partner and we lived together, we moved from his place to a new house in 2016 for the both of us, needless to say he got to scared or overwhelmed. He left me in April of 2017, after he left my family had to sell our house and i had to move to Mattapoisett where i currently live and i now work at an amazon warehouse full time. Trying to find a new real relatinship is really hard since my partner promised he would be with me forever and that he loved me, then out of nowhere he leaves me with no communication and pretty much blocked everyone out of his life. What are some tips to overcome not getting full closure from him leaving.

[jns]

Hello Everyone, I just recently joined this form. I was in a commited relationship with my partner and we lived together, we moved from his place to a new house in 2016 for the both of us, needless to say he got to scared or overwhelmed. He left me in April of 2017, after he left my family had to sell our house and i had to move to Mattapoisett where i currently live and i now work at an amazon warehouse full time. Trying to find a new real relatinship is really hard since my partner promised he would be with me forever and that he loved me, then out of nowhere he leaves me with no communication and pretty much blocked everyone out of his life. What are some tips to overcome not getting full closure from him leaving.

Hi laraecwhyte. I wish I some good tips to give you about dealing with full closure on an ended relationship but I do not have any. The way I dealt with such a situation was to put it out of my mind as best possible and eventually start another relationship during an overseas vacation (which led to marriage) that kept it out of my mind. That would work for some but not for others.

[Wednesday L.F.]

It might take some counseling if you’re still feeling stuck after so long. Some folks deal by getting into a new relationship, which I don’t recommend. Reconnecting with friends or making new ones at work might be a good step forward.

Harriet Lerner has some great relationship books that mostly address how to deal with things we have no control over—like what you describe. Sometimes that pain goes away on its own, but since yours hasn’t, it’s time to get more proactive. Feel free to DM if you’d like to talk further.

[laraecwhyte]

Thanks for all of the good advice. After the new year, I will put myself out there on more dating sites, and hopefully, I will find a guy who loves me for who I am. I work at an Amazon warehouse, and we are getting ready for black friday & peak. Thanks

[jns]

Thanks for all of the good advice. After the new year, I will put myself out there on more dating sites, and hopefully, I will find a guy who loves me for who I am. I work at an Amazon warehouse, and we are getting ready for black friday & peak. Thanks

Best wishes!

[JonnyR]

laraecwhyte I just stumbled upon this thread and wanted to check in and see how you were doing?

One thing that struck me from your post was when you stated that your ex "promised that he would be with me forever..."

The thing is, nobody can ever make that promise, even if in the moment they really want to or feel congruent in saying it.

There are so many problems statements like these present -- the biggest being that nobody can promise something that is completely out of their control. Forever doesn't exist for any of us- there is a time limit to everything, and even our sun will be gone one day.

Moving forward, I would suggest as a "tip" approaching each relationship, and interaction with new people or a new love, with the same gratitude we have for a sunset -- it's wonderful, we appreciate it, but we also know in a few moments, it will be gone forever with no promises or guarantees.

Instead of focusing on the certainty of wanting something to be permanent that can never be, focus instead on the moment, the gratitude that you had it in your life, and the acceptance that one day, for a myriad of reasons, it will be gone -- but that's also what makes it so beautiful and precious and not to be taken for granted.