[lilly]

Hi, I am new to this site but thankful hopefully where I can talk to someother women on this issue. My husband worked out of the country. He has been home a couple of months now, the other day I was on his website looking for some past pictures of ours. I came across some pics of him with a couple of younger women (probably young enough to be his daughters). My gut is telling me something isn't right. Needless to say I found his pw and opened up another email acct he has and found a drafted letter to her (not sure if it was sent though). He talked about how much he loves her and misses her plus other things. Said he thinks of her. Do I ask him about the pics and see what he says! And do I tell him I found this letter. I am so confused and scared?????

[Fire(m)]

If you snoop, you oftentimes get what you ask for. Yes. At this point, you have to resolve it for yourself. Pursue this to it's end.

Next time, consider whether you want to go this route (or not).

I just say that because I'm not a snooper. If I can't trust my spouse, then that's what it is, but I'm not snooping on her.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The issue is a problem because you saw one thing, you searched for others.

I certainly wouldn't have looked for any more photos or letters as that is "his space", right or wrong what you found, a marriage is not set up for non-trust, rather trust.

A cheater will always be found out "accidentally" and from there you can decide what to do.

So, you "accidentally" came across a photo....

Without the knowledge of the letter, they could have just been girls he had a photo with, you can't quite "calmly, with a smile" say "hey hon" who are the good looking young girls?"... Can you, because you read a letter.

And, if he said, ah just girls that were chatting away with me and a couple of work collegues one day, you won't believe him.

Will he be going away again?

Or is he home now to stay?

You need to think logically here, and now that you have snooped, your mind will be going ten fold, over and over again. So, your relationship is going to be strained..

If he is home to stay, then nothing can ever happen between them, so that's a plus.

But, the problem is, is that your mind will now go over time.

And, he can tell the truth or a lie and you probably won't believe him either way.

So, i think you have to apologise first off and say that you accidentally found the photo and from that, you were curious, you know you shouldn't have but you did and you need an explanation.

What choice do you have?

Ignore it and it will destroy your marriage.

Talk about it and you may find that your relationship was strained he went to stray but didn't, etc, who knows and then you can work it from there.

What you want to know is if your marriage is worth saving, or if he is a blatant cheater now that you have snooped, so you know what to do for your life.

But, also, you need to understand that it was wrong what you did and there could be explanations of "attraction but nothing happened" and a reason, due to distance, break down of communication between you both, what ever, do it calmly, softly and open minded... for the outcome.

CW

[justkimmie]

You have to be prepared for the answers you may get from him.

[commonsense]

Hi, I am new to this site but thankful hopefully where I can talk to someother women on this issue. My husband worked out of the country. He has been home a couple of months now, the other day I was on his website looking for some past pictures of ours. I came across some pics of him with a couple of younger women (probably young enough to be his daughters). My gut is telling me something isn't right. Needless to say I found his pw and opened up another email acct he has and found a drafted letter to her (not sure if it was sent though). He talked about how much he loves her and misses her plus other things. Said he thinks of her. Do I ask him about the pics and see what he says! And do I tell him I found this letter. I am so confused and scared?????

You might as well confront him, you know now and it is going to eat at you. He will hate feeling that you snooped/looked into his things. You need to handle this carefully to keep from pushing him even further away from you. Sounds like this was a fling, but most people don't have a fling unless they want to anyway. Your problems probably started before he left and he was just presented with the opportunity to cheat in a way he figured he wouldn't get caught.
He needs to be confronted and asked why and if he wants to stay in the married or not. If so she's got to go.