[mummyof2]

Ok, well i was with my fiance for 5 years,we had 2 kids together one who is 4 and one who is nearly 10 months.He was my first ever love and longest relationship ive had.We were due to get married in august just gone, we were having big money issues after having our second child as i was no longer working.I wanted to call off the wedding for a while and he was all set to go ahead with it,we had also been fighting alot about me goin bak to work wen our daughter was like 3 months old(only for a day or 2 a wk)i didnt want to.One day out of the blue he said i dont love u anymore cya!!no fighting no nothing, just totally out of the blue. He said he was in love with a girl he had been friends with for a long time so he left me for her and she left her husband for him. Ok i know wat he did was so wrong(the way he did it) our baby was 4 months old.and we were getting married in 3 months time, im finding it soooooo hard to move on at moment, and i have decided to try to win him back,but im confused do i want him back cause i love him or do i hate being alone?? we had been fighting a little bit b4 breakup no more than usual though, and i always thought i cant do this anymore but now he is gone i want him back so much...i dont know if u got my story its a long one!! i dont really have anyone to talk to about this should i try to talk to him about it, or should i leave it?he has been so nice to me lately and i think he is not over me completely either,but i dont want him to get a big head cause i miss him if ya get me lol im just lost.please any comments would b grateful. please b honest!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ok, well i was with my fiance for 5 years,we had 2 kids together one who is 4 and one who is nearly 10 months.He was my first ever love and longest relationship ive had.We were due to get married in august just gone, we were having big money issues after having our second child as i was no longer working.I wanted to call off the wedding for a while and he was all set to go ahead with it,we had also been fighting alot about me goin bak to work wen our daughter was like 3 months old(only for a day or 2 a wk)i didnt want to.One day out of the blue he said i dont love u anymore cya!!no fighting no nothing, just totally out of the blue. He said he was in love with a girl he had been friends with for a long time so he left me for her and she left her husband for him. Ok i know wat he did was so wrong(the way he did it) our baby was 4 months old.and we were getting married in 3 months time, im finding it soooooo hard to move on at moment, and i have decided to try to win him back,but im confused do i want him back cause i love him or do i hate being alone?? we had been fighting a little bit b4 breakup no more than usual though, and i always thought i cant do this anymore but now he is gone i want him back so much...i dont know if u got my story its a long one!! i dont really have anyone to talk to about this should i try to talk to him about it, or should i leave it?he has been so nice to me lately and i think he is not over me completely either,but i dont want him to get a big head cause i miss him if ya get me lol im just lost.please any comments would b grateful. please b honest!

Firstly welcome to the Forum, your not alone.

You know money issues in relationships put such a strain on things, and fighting is inevitable.

Seems, he simply chose an easier way for himself, lust can do that unfortunately when chips are down and someone comes along and shows attention, (no agruements , no money problems )

He has two children now with you?

You have to work out how you can "solve" the original problem and then have a chat with him over that with solutions.

You have to decide if you want a "cheating husband" as he has cheated on you unfortunately, whether you want to see that or not, and do you deserve better?

So, you worked a couple of days, what does he do? How has he contributed to the family? What is he like with your children?

Can he support them now? If you didn't go back together?

And, truly sweet, he has been seeing her for a while obviously, but he may be in two throws as in what he really wants.

It's hard I know, but fighting doesn't make a good relationship at the end of the day, so how do you really feel?

CW

[mummyof2]

ok, yes we have 2 kids together, he didnt actually cheat on me but yes he mite as well of its pretty much the same thing i do see that. Yes i used to work 2 days a week cause i was home with our 4 year old as well b4 bub was born.He is 2nd in charge of a supermarket so he is at work alot.He is good with kids now has them every second weekend and he has enough to support them.. i dont think we fought mdeore than any normal couple really..

[Guest]

Hi Mummyof2, welcome - I'm a man /

CW made alot of good points, she always does. I believe you said you tho't he was having 2nd thot's himself and he probably is if he's any kind of a man. Those Kids are a product of your Love for one another, True? I would confront him when you can a Place where it is comfortable & you are both alone without any interference. Since you obviously know him well just simply ask him or try to find out if he has any remorse for doing what he did give him time to respond, tell him how you feel.

My current Wife went thru the same thing and she had 3 boys already by him, she loved him dearly & tried her best to reconcile everything but to no avail. He was never really able to face reality of what was going on, he lived in a make believe world.

You have to ask yourself if you have it in yourself if you can face the trust factor for the future if he does come back. Of course over time if he would stay true to you, it would heal. That's not much I know but good luck

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I understand your frustration and your hurt.

I will speak the truth.

He said " I don't love you any more, and he left you and she left her husband", so why did he not cheat?

Are they not together?

Has he not slept with her?

Absolutely, I am sure that your fighting is normal to everyone, please don't get me wrong, I personally think you were really clever to postone the wedding based on finances.. Maybe he thought differently?

Have you thought of that?

Maybe he thought you didn't want to marry him?

If he is still showing signs of " did i do the right thing?" assuming that he is with this other lady as you have stated that, then there is a chance.

That is why I said, :-

1. Work out how you can work it where the finances aren't so much of an issue and therefore, the fighting is non exsistant, you need to understand that I can only "see what you are saying" as much as anyone else here, you mention finance, so I assume that was the reason for the arguments.

2. Deside if he "did leave you for her" if you are worth more? Do you want this man back?

Love is love it is so hard to walk away from we make excuse after excuse as to why we love that person, and forgive everything that they have done to hurt us, and then we also deny that they did anything wrong to start with...

We only want to know "HOW" do I get him back?

So please understand I am only saying is he worth your heart and soul? Is he your soul...

CW

[mummyof2]

I keep asking him if he cheated? and he said no no and i believe him considering his ex cheated on him big time,Yes they are together he moved into her house with her and her parents like a month after we broke up.yes he slept with her like 2 wks after we broke up.but im very close to his parents and they keep asking him questions like do u miss tash(me) are u goin to get married..his answer to marriage with her was NO and about missing me he says oh dont worry about it mum.In my mind i think he doesnt know what he wants honestly..if he hasnt heard from me in a while like during the week he wil ring me...i dunno if it is just wishful thinking but i that is just my thoughts.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

that's fair enough.....

Then play that game.

Don't call him, make his parents think that you are fine, moving on.

She is living with him with her parents? I imagine that this is hurting you big time, hense why you want to try..

You know... If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours if it doesn't it never was.

I think that you need to see that you are beautiful, what you did was to work within a situation that may help you. finances, wait.

It's really weird. the more you ignore someone the more they want you? Why is that?

Perhaps because he has been cheated on he feels that no one will love him, want him and as i said,you pushing the marriage back, (rightly so) he felt jilted..

Same feeling as before, she cheated on him.

Tell him then, "you know, regardless i love you , you are my soul I would spend the rest of my life with you given the chance, even now, BUT, I am walking way, no communication, the next time I speak to you, it's because you realise that love and WANT to come back" otherwise, DON'T ring me...

I am important too.

Leave him to contemplate and DON'T speak to him until he leaves her, and comes back to you realising that he is safe, it is okay and you do love him.

Otherwise, what you will see is different, that he doesn't and he can't accept love and then you move on with your life, as hard as it will be.

Does that make sense?

Think about it...

Don't reply just really think about it and chew those words over a bit.

CW

[Joy]

HI Mummyof2 welcome

This sounds like a complication of a lot of emotions that you two have to work out and work thru whether or not you are together because you have children together.

I just wanna clairify something.... you say you dn't want him to get a big head cause you are missing him. This man wants attetion or he would not have gone looking for it. I'm sorry to say that but you wanted honest.

Now that also means he has to give that attention if he wants it. You can't hold onto your love it only grows when you give it away unconditionally and freely . What underling power struggles other than money are you guys facing?

[mummyof2]

Hi Joy, Im not with him anymore...i got a bit confused reading ur post but thanks for being honest.

Chandlers Wish..I sat down and wrote a letter to him cause im hopeless at talking about my emotions especially to him, he is really bad at listening lol typical male i guess. I find it so much easier to write my thoughts down even though it may be cowardly i dont know. I said exactly what i wanted to tell him, along with what u had said to me at the bottom of ur post. I gave it to him in the morning when he picked up our kids for the day, and when he dropped them off in the afternoon he said "i got ur letter, i think u need to move on". Im still not convinced, we spent all morning yesterday having a text message arguement that was half serious and half mucking around(cant go into what it was about but) i dont know why he would bother with me if there wasnt sumthing there still, i dont know if i just have wishful thinking or what it is. But i guess he knows how i feel and if he wanted to come back he would right??........

[mummyof2]

anyone>???????????????????????