[Franciz84]

Just like love, romance can be define in different way depends on the person's point of view.

[Joy]

Wild Child cry its just allowing deep emotions to come to the surface for all the years you held it in. Its a good way to release and heal that part of yourself that has been repressed and unable to find self expression. AT times thru out life, You have negelected your inner feelings emotionally - logically you haven't but emotionally you have. Its probably a mix bag of happy tears that you can feel again and sad tears that you shut down in those areas to protect yourself.

It may be a long horny winter but when you know something is worth it.... its worth letting it unfold and happen in its own time. You don't have to mold yourself so this man has no fears (he must face those) but you can keep helping him heal and heal yourself and allow him to help you. Trust yourself that you will know when its time to move forward that this phase is over.

You said in an earlier post that if the chemistry was there it was there and that is what relationships have been based on. Your Pattern is getting involved to fast too soon only to find out that the man you're with is emotionally detached. This man is exploring his emotions and you have the chance to really get to know his heart. To create a stronger bond on so many different levels other than just sex. Its a great opprotunity to see what you can create together other than just mad passionate love.

You have a posititve balanced outlook on this WC keep up all the hard work you are putting into yourself on your path to healing and self discovery. It will only benefit you in the future.

~Joy~

[Guest]

Romance/Romantic?

WC, I've been following your thread pretty close from the beginning if you remember and i just wanted to say I feel you are being very romantic at this moment and I'm not sure you know it, I don't mean that sarcastically .
You are having an intense love affair - that is so nice! When I read your post I'm reading a Romantic novel about 2 people searching for all that 2 can give 1 another in a relationship. I understand the relationship is young but I see it unfolding and blooming into something beautiful. I think it's awesome. You are going to hold back the love-making issue. I feel that's wonderful too. It will make everything that much more exciting and romantic.
It makes it more exciting and yes very hotttt!

You my lady are having a Romance -

[WildChild]

In Need
You've provided a different perspective! I read a great deal but very few romance novels.

Unfortuately living this is pretty trying and I don't personally believe that there is any value in holding back sexually. I may be wrong about that - I certainly have been about other things. To me sex with love allows a stronger bond. I am very aware of personal energy and touch enhances that, for me being unable to touch him freely is almost like being blinded. It is actually physically painful. There is no excitement being in the middle of this.

But yours is an interesting idea to consider from an observer standpoint. Thank you.

[Guest]

In Need
You've provided a different perspective! I read a great deal but very few romance novels.

Unfortuately living this is pretty trying and I don't personally believe that there is any value in holding back sexually. I may be wrong about that - I certainly have been about other things. To me sex with love allows a stronger bond. I am very aware of personal energy and touch enhances that, for me being unable to touch him freely is almost like being blinded. It is actually physically painful. There is no excitement being in the middle of this.

But yours is an interesting idea to consider from an observer standpoint. Thank you.

I hope you didn't take it that I think your romance is like a novel per say because we all no novels, in many ways are fiction, and of course your life is not a fairytale.
I do understand you, I believe in what your telling me about the sex issue. I guess I was going on my own experience once where sex was restrained and in the end it was so wonderful and a fulfilling experience.

I guess the other tho't I had was as I look at your position in life and see the romance that's in it already, I seen that as taking a little of the edge off of the pain! Hope you understand that.

Please understand I'm most certainly not trying to make this trying time in your and his life any smaller than it really is. It's been a good thread I think for everyone including me. Thx

[WildChild]

Thanks In Need, I'm a little touchy right now. I feel kind of like coming out if the fire, into a cool refreshing meadow, only to get hit with a cyclone. All while I'm already carrying a 50 lb pack. Just a bit blown away. I'm having trouble finding my joy and my balance right now, I know you've been dealing with that too. Sometimes even us ridiculously enternal optimists get overwhelmed. (ha,ha that was one of my ex's complaints about me - I was too 'positve' all the time, he'd be delighted to see me now) No doubt I'll soon rise above it.

I have resolved to have a talk. I let his wall building procede without protest trying to respect his bounderies and I didn't tell him honestly what it was doing to me and how I felt about it. Thinking about it I need to be completely honest, it's his right and mine to have that. If we can't handle that then there isn't enough there to work with.

[Guest]

I have resolved to have a talk. I let his wall building proceed without protest trying to respect his boundaries and I didn't tell him honestly what it was doing to me and how I felt about it. Thinking about it I need to be completely honest, it's his right and mine to have that. If we can't handle that then there isn't enough there to work with.

Ya know WC you just bro't something to my own attention when you said these words(trying to respect his boundaries ) that's exactly what I've been doing also but there is a limit to that because then the boundaries are no longer boundaries any long but what you had call them WALLS.

Lets see if I can illustrate for a sec.
You've heard the old saying Patience is a virtue right
Well there's also another saying
Sometimes Patience is not a virtue. I know that sounds simple but sometimes (I'll speak for humanity in general) We allow things to go on thinking we are doing everyone a favor but all we do is procrastinate the problem. I'm not pointing that at you. I'm talking about this Wall thing compared to Boundaries, you see what I'm saying ??

[WildChild]

I've always had a problem with sublimating my needs to other people's. I was raised with constant messages that my needs were less important than any one else's. I have gotten better at recognizing and meeting my needs and at accepting and asking for help but I have a way to go yet. I have learned to say no but have a tendency to be too available. I'm not a game player at all and don't understand people who are. For example, while I understand that supposedly most men love the chase, I'm either interested or not. If I'm 'hard to get' it's because I'm not interested, not because I'm being coy. I do like to flirt a bit and think it's a pity that there is so little of it these days. The sexual harrassent thing has gone overboard.

I do get what you are saying. Sometimes it's hard to balance the patience with not moving forward. Where do you draw the line? I know this man is a good one, he's worth giving some time, but how much? How do I tell? I think he's been burned so often (and that comes down to his choices of who to be with just as my poor choices do) that he is scared to death of the hurt, this is his front and it's become a habit. I can't break it for him, he has to do that and he is trying. I want to be there when it happens.

Lol, That brought mind a line from The Imporatance Of Being Earnest, one my fav Oscar Wilde plays. Gwendolyn tells Earnest she will wait forever, if he doesn't take too long.

[WildChild]

Joy, I wrote a response to you and lost it. I really appreciate your insightfullness. But then I've been 'losing' it a lot lately. We've had another talk, he is tender and caring and very definite that freindship is it. He expected anger and blame and reciriminations but all I feel is sorrow. However we agree that we both have issues with relationships and that we value our freindship above anything else.

Just exploring or expanding the chemistry is there or it isn't thing, that really hasn't been the basis on most my relationships.I've had some relationships where the sex was incredible. It's odd thinking about it the past few days but none of my marriages has been to a man I was intensely attracted to. My first husband I started dating when we were both on the rebound from a rehumdinger of a break up. We were together over two years before we married and the sex was just ok. I think there were always signs of his infidelity although I didn't let myself see it right away. I was never able to really open up to trust him. I've been doing some serious self examination and realized I've sabotoged myself a great deal because I may have been actually avoiding relationships with men I was really attracted to. Certainly that's been the case in the last 20 years probably longer. If nothing else out of this I've gained friend and a good deal to look at and grow on. But it's hard to feel good about that right now.

This is an toughie. I love sex, really love it. Right now I've shut down, can't even get myself off but it won't stay that way, never does. Although in some ways it's easier not being horny but it means an big part of my joy is walled off and inaccessible. Having never really consciously opened myself up to someone before, now doing so only to get hurt, however gently, isn't going to make it easier in the future. I don't do casual sex, don't bed hop, have no interest in sex with condoms - what's the point, I can't cum with one, never have. With all the STDs and other concerns in this modern world of relationships I'm just at sea, with this whole thing. No doubt in a few weeks or months my perspective may change. But I don't know. I don't want to hold on to false hope. I'm trying to let go of anything but the positive feelings I have for this man and just accept him and the situation as it is. It's hard at a deep level not to hold the thought that this may still develop into what I thought it was becoming. I believe that he and I are so well suited to each other that there has to be something more. People do not come into your life without a reason and I don't believe the reason he is in mine is just to give me more pain.

[coral-sky]

romance is spontanious...without fear...and absolutley full of love...eeww so mushy..
cheers