[Guest]

Ok, It's time to confess: For those that are somewhat familiar with me I've been posting like crazy mostly in the lounge to keep the pain back. I've been reading other ppls' problems, to drive mine back. Pls be patient,

I've been married to the same woman now for go'in on 22yrs. now. Our relationship had rough and rocky times only because of issue that arose from her kids in her previous marriage, 3 Boys, basiclly tho I raised them from their youth.

I've never Hit her, I've never verbally abused her, not one bad name not even any kid of a curse word, I just don't. 1 Time when we were having a rough rode I had my eyes on this girl and talked to her some, but absolutely nothing happened as a result of it.

She has never ran on me and as far as I know never had her eyes on anybody.

Now, What I said before in my previous thread was I almost died last yr. from a serious liver disease, I hemorrhaged, list pints of blood. Currently I am on meds and am about half. What I didn't did not say before the
specialist gave me a yr to live and currently I'm 1 mo. past that date.

I've been trying to renew our relationship because over the years it has suffered thru lack of communication and my sickness put a serious damper on our Sex life, love life if you will.

The other night after acting like things were doing pretty good, an incident happen to my son that bro't out of her some very bitter words. She became very hysterical and stared to scream and cry, I tho't she was going to have a nervous breakdown - She went into this rage about all the men in her life, her father, her ex hus, 1 of her sons that recently made a big mistake - Then she look over at me (and my daughter of 20yrs. was sitting there) and begin to wave her arm at me and said and you, you and you too!!! I'm like sitting there and wondering what in the world is going on this is awful. I was very calm, my daughter was staring me like wt? After the wife settle down, my daughter went up stairs, I became very indignant and said listen woman, you are absolutely wrong about what you said, to lump me in all that garbage past and in front of our daughter, you owe her an apology, She quietly done so after words.

Since then I've come to the conclusion, I've been living a lie, and I am so depressed, I started thinking about a friend of mine that 1 day not coming in to work I got a call from another friend telling me to sit down, that our other friend was found in his garage where he hung himself with a rope fr: the rafters. He was going thru marital problems. He left 2 beautiful kids behind. I tho't Please Lord don't let me end up there. Here I am on with 1 foot on a banana peeling and all **& breaks loose. It's getting harder to cope.

Yes, to be honest I feeling a little sorry for myself, I don't want to die feeling like I've lost everything I've worked for and loved. The fear of that is driving me crazy.

This is all true I've know reason to make junk like this up, that's not the way I get my kicks,

Another close friend just called me today & said he and his wife is filing for divorce, I'm thinking. No way

Have Mercy Lord!

[SorridLives]

In-Need, I think you are again going through very rough times and you need to take it easy on yourself, your wife, and your family. What you are going through, she is also going through with you. She may be frightened. Nobody has a perfect life or perfect marriage. Not really. We all have our little problems or bigger problems. Families and marriages with children from previous relationships are almost always more complicated, in my opinion. It just makes sense that it would be. It sounds like they love and respect you.
Take it easy. Regroup. I am sure your wife still loves you and is sorry. Her feelings are probably all stirred up too.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[crzyredhead21]

Sounds as if the pressure cooker is finally starting to boil over. You have been through so much.. and your wife has as well. Dealing with serious illness is never easy. You have not lost everything... I feel that both of you have just lost sight of what is most important right now..... this moment. This precious moment that you would not have had. Wake up everyday and be grateful for such beatuiful children... for such a wonderful world that you ahve been granted more time in. I had to deal with a terminal illness in someone very close to me.. he was given 6 months. He barely made it through two weeks. I had to sit there and watch him wither away, in pain, and ultimatley die. Were there times in those two weeks that I got angry with him?? Yes! I regret that now. Point is.... life is so short and you have been given such a wonderful gift. You have the power to change your perception.. to change how you want the rest of this life to play out. You have lost nothing.... and gained everything. Don't let other husbands issues bring you down... you have lived and persevered through far more.
This may sound as if I am making light of your situation but I really am tryign to help. I knwo a small speck of what you are going through and I say that you are a very strong person and just having a moment of darkness. Dont worry..... there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up hope!

[Guest]

She's very distant and not responding she acts as tho I'm intruding.

The main problem is she has said these kinds of things before but in a not so hysterical kind of way. She Lumps me in with all of her other men-issues, She is soooo Bitter, I can't help her with that I don't know how?

Her father was a very mean man, her ex left her for another woman, then her son makes this colossal mistake in his life and lumps me in with all that. She can't even sy what it is that I've done.

Until I got sick she has never had to work, I've been the sole provider, worked many 70-80 hrs' a week!

[SorridLives]

She's very distant and not responding she acts as tho I'm intruding.

The main problem is she has said these kinds of things before but in a not so hysterical kind of way. She Lumps me in with all of her other men-issues, She is soooo Bitter, I can't help her with that I don't know how?

Her father was a very mean man, her ex left her for another woman, then her son makes this colossal mistake in his life and lumps me in with all that. She can't even sy what it is that I've done.

Until I got sick she has never had to work, I've been the sole provider, worked many 70-80 hrs' a week!

If you can't work now, she will have to help. She doesn't have to be happy, but she shouldn't make you feel bad either, IMO. Maybe she is just venting. If she has some resentments/bitterness, you both may have to talk about it and forgive each other. You are both going through a lot. Have you tried therapy? That might be helpful.

[crzyredhead21]

Her life has constantly been turned upside-down... she may have been hopign for a more stable life than the one she has thus far had. Us women can take a lot of that is flung out way but sometimes it gets harder and harder to dodge. Don't let her anger get to you too much. I think she needs this, that she may have bottled a lot of emotions, and that this is her way of letting out the "poison". I feel for you! Let her have her emotions.. she may just need someoen to rant to right now.

[Guest]

Problem is today after the second time of trying with kindness and touching her, I told her how beautiful she was and I felt something inside like it was cold and that I really didn't mean it. that's not normal for me! It's like somethings happening to me inside, That's why I' afraid of dying with that m-tness of her in me

[acerousme]

you both need to SIT DOWN together, and sort out your priorities, and think about if it is worthwhile.
you're sick...you dont need any more stress...its nor helping either of you one bit...its time to get priorities straight...your health should be the first.
but you need to do some soul searching, it seems.

but I promise, it will get better!!!

[Guest]

i'm certainly not saying, I'm an angel, but how can she be so sweet and even take care of me thru-out the yrs. she has then say all those mean things. I've never said those kinds of things to her, never. 1 night in the hospital last yr. she had been staying with me in my room and I knew was very tired, I could see it on her face, And she told me she tho't she might go home that day, well when it got later in the day, she came close to me and asked what I tho't about her leaving. I was highly emotional and started crying like a baby and said baby please don't go 1 more night. I did'nt want to die without her, it makes me cry writing about it. Needless to say she stayed, I was so grateful!

[WildChild]

This is so hard. I spent 8 years with man who had cancer and nearly died several times. When he had an 8 hour surgery to remove a large tumor, I spent hours and hours in the waiting room, that was only one surgery. Prior to that he'd had a strangulated hernia that required emergency surgery - I was the one who insisted he get to a doctor, another 12 hour and he'd have died. After the 8 hr surgery it was an infection, then there was a deep vein thrombrosis - again I was the one who insisted on a doctor visit. I was his nurse, housekeeper, crutch, anything I could to do to try to make it easier. Now he is disease free but we didn't survive it. We also hadn't been together so long and there was a lot more to it.

This whole thing is tougher on both of you than you think. You both need to be in a support group or counseling or both. It isn't just the physical toll, it's the emotional strain - it's huge and it can last a long time. I assume you are on a cocktail of meds? Get in for a blood panel, they may be part of your depression, dosages need to be constantly assessed and adjusted. You went through the illness and facing the possibilty/probablity of your death. So did she. She had face watching all you went through and the likelihood of being left alone. Rationally none of it was your choice but emotionally it's abandondment.

What the two of you are dealing with is huge, you need all the support and help you can get. If you contact the hospital or the drs office or your insurance they can refer you to trained, caring individuals who can help. If you are part of a religious community they probably have a caring circle or some sort of support system too, plug into everything you can. Some will be more helpful than others but there is proably something to be gained from each. You didn't say what your current prognosis is but specialists can be wrong. I remember my grandfather talking about a surgery he had in his 20s, the doctors told him he'd be lucky to live a year. Grandpa made it into his 90s and took delight in telling the story always ending by saying, "there ain't one of them doctors alive today!"

I'm not facing what you are, but have brushed up against it more than once, in addition to dealing with my ex, I lost my mother to cancer. Viktor Frankel's book, Man Seach For Meaning, has always been a great help to me. Attitude is huge, in health and healing but it is also often the only thing we can control in our lives. Please, you've reached out here and there are some wonderful, supportive people but that isn't enough, reach out in your local community and connect with what is available there.