[Livelaughlove]

Why people cry?

Both men and women know that the easiest way to make the opposite sex uncomfortable is to cry; we've all witnessed men that automatically give in to even the most unreasonable requests just to make the tears stop.

Both men and women learn this trick very early in life when parents sometimes bribe there child into stop crying if they give them a gift. Or often school teachers forgive bad behavior at the onset of convincing waterworks.

Ive found that most women have perfected this to a point where it can be impossible to call out a fake unless you read into there other body language. Awkward enough its the eyes that always give you women away.

The best way Ive found to counterattack this is to just remove yourself from the situation because you can't argue with tears.


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As to advice for you.

The crying on his part did exactly what he wanted it to do. That is to convince you or guilt you into giving him more time. Unfortunately within this next week your going to even get more upset with him to the point where you guys are going to have an UGLY break up.

Something i did in the past with a girl that was really attached to me was that I introduced her to another guy. Of course, She had no idea but the guy did. He was charming, good looking and a good friend. haha

Womens biggest attraction to another man is PRESELECTION BY WOMEN. A lady will find a guy 10x more attractive if he has other women by his side. Especially if that women perceives the other women as more beautiful then herself. So why don't you get a attractive female. Tell her about all the great things he does, sex, love, thoughtfulness, sincere what ever else.

ONE SIDE EFFECT:

Having another women flirt with your man is going to cause you to in-turn find your boyfriend more attractive then your going to want to fight for him as well... Its a double edged sword

Hope this helps

Live laugh and love

[CHANDLERS WISH]

"THE CRYING GAME" Well said LLL.

I am a great believer that people come into our lives for a reason.

Perhaps your boyfriend entered you life and proved to you that the first guy used you but it is not the case in the world where every guy will...

He has put you at peace and made you feel special, you feel that you "owe" that too him and perhaps he may use this card in a weeks time back at you as well, he may very well say, " I never used you, the next guy will"...

I am still worried, "sorry" about this happening to you again - your first situation, because you kissed a guy whilst having a boyfriend... That guy knows you have a boyfriend, so does his mates.

You don't know what they are saying, how they are thinking, they may for instance have made bets, that this guy can get you into bed, or he may genuinelly like you and no such thing is occuring.

Point being...refrain from showing him that interest whilst you are still with your boyfriend, let that guy know that regardless of your decision with your boyfriend, you are loyal and that you should never have kissed him therefore...

You always need to have an air of respect about yoruself, shown to others, or else you will or "could" be perceived to be "easy" an easy target and yourself get hurt again, in that situation you will want to go running back to your boyfriend, thinking my what have I done, but by that stage, he will not want you back.

Have a good think, sometimes "flirting" is simply that, it is a need, something you need in order to, as LLL said, in this case I think, to get over your boyfriend and acknowledge to yourself that you want to move on..

CW

[suzanne214]

yeah see the thing is, we are next door to all of the guys, and we do spend like a lot of time with them so i cant imagine them doing something like making bets or anything on it purely because we are so close to each other that doing something like that wud cause a huge divide between the houses. all of the guys seem genuinely nice, and i have actually spoken to some of them about it, like one of them has been there when i was crying about the whole situation and looked after me and things, trying to help out. the other issue u mentioned is something that i am pretty worried about, i really dont want people thinking that i am a slag...i am not the kind of person who usually does stuff like this, i have never ever even thought about being unfaithful before, and i have always kind of...judged people who i had heard about who had...but its such a hard situation. my boyfriend says he will do anything that he can to make it work...so how am i supposed to break up with him without telling him about this other guy!? he hasnt done anything wrong to make this happen...it just has...thank you everyone for all your help

[Guest]

Suzanne,

First off, it doesnt matter how close the guys are or if they are just next door. giys will still make bets on and brag about getting someone.

Secondly, you need to ask yourself this question about your BF:

Do I love him or am I in-love with him?

If you love him, make a clean break and move on. He deserves someone that is in love with him, just as you do.

If you are in-love with him, what the F are you doing?


just my two cents...

[suzanne214]

Suzanne,

First off, it doesnt matter how close the guys are or if they are just next door. giys will still make bets on and brag about getting someone.

Secondly, you need to ask yourself this question about your BF:

Do I love him or am I in-love with him?

If you love him, make a clean break and move on. He deserves someone that is in love with him, just as you do.

If you are in-love with him, what the F are you doing?


just my two cents...

no1, yeah i do realise that them living next door doesnt neccesarily mean that they wont make bets, but i am generally quite good at judging peoples characters. they are all genuinely nice guys and have a good understanding of the situation i am in and i really dont think that they would take advantage of that.

also, i dont think the matter is quite as black and white as you are making it out to be, basically saying if u love him, stay with him, if u dont love him break up with him, as that would seem fairly obvious. if the choice was that easy, then i dont think that i would have felt the need 2 ask for help on here...i think before i had been in the situation myself then i would have said the exact same thing as you, but i think it is hard to understand if it hasnt happened to you personally.

[Guest]

no1, yeah i do realise that them living next door doesnt neccesarily mean that they wont make bets, but i am generally quite good at judging peoples characters. they are all genuinely nice guys and have a good understanding of the situation i am in and i really dont think that they would take advantage of that.

also, i dont think the matter is quite as black and white as you are making it out to be, basically saying if u love him, stay with him, if u dont love him break up with him, as that would seem fairly obvious. if the choice was that easy, then i dont think that i would have felt the need 2 ask for help on here...i think before i had been in the situation myself then i would have said the exact same thing as you, but i think it is hard to understand if it hasnt happened to you personally.

Suzanne214,

they may never do it where you would see or hear about it, but it will always come up in some conversation. even if it's just part of one of them being $tupid drunk.

it has happened to me a few times in the past. that's why I specifically said "loved him" or "in love with him". you can still love him but not be in love with him.

the hard part is admitting to yourself that you love him, but are not in love with him.

so, close your eyes, take a deep breath and ask yourself...

are you in love with him?

or do you love him?

inside you already know the answer.


One other tidbit of advice I'll give you. If you have to convince yourself that you want to do something, it's probably not really what you want to do deep down inside. You either want to do something or you don't.

[miffed23]

Hmmm, honey....

My view- you love your boyfriend (or at the very least care deeply about him), he is good to you, treats you well... perfect, then a spanner in the works- university, men everywhere, you live nextdoor to them... theyre giving you 'fresh' attention, its making you feel positive about yourself, you feel refreshed and beautiful around them... (possibly, the kind of feelings you first had when you met your current boyfriend?)

After reading your responses, am i correct in saying that if it werent for university or for the attention that youre receiving from these other men, everything within your current relationship would be swimming smoothly?

If the answer is yes, then you have two options.

1) Stay with your boyfriend, it'll be challenging, but what you'll both have to do is find ways over making it easier... such as a rota, he visits you every other weekend... if your timetable is helpful and you have an afternoon off or something similar, then you can meet halfway.... etc..

2) Leave your boyfriend, it'll be challenging, he will cry again... tell him that you care for him but this is just something that you have to do alone and that you hope you can still be friends... he will get over it... dont feel bad about something that you feel you have to do to make yourself happy. You are not a slag. A slag would stay with her boyfriend whilst she had numerous men on the side at university.

....in short, the fact of the matter is... you came on here seeking advice, if you were happy with your relationship and your current situation, you wouldnt have done that..

I wish you much luck... i am a great believer in fate...what is meant to be will be...

[Livelaughlove]

Correct me if im wrong but I believe that since you posted youve been trying to find a way to break up with your boyfriend right?


Whatever you do DO NOT SAY "Lets just be friends." Because you both wont remain friends and he will hate you. Men hate that because what it tells us is that "I no longer love you, so im demoting you to a emotional doormat, with no sexual benifit."

Just tell him that you want a break from the relationship. That school and stress is getting to you and you want some time to yourslef.


The most important thing!

Stroke his ego! Tell him a laundry list of things that is great about him. What women would love about him. So he doesn't get too attached. It will help him cope.

Thats the best way to break up with your man.

If he starts crying just tell him you can't deel with it right now. More complimenting then just leave.


Hope this helps

Live laugh and love

[Little]

I think that complimenting him will give him the wrong idea; that he is just the greatest guy and that the girl will realize it and come back to him eventually.
The OP knows this guy the best; not all men are cookie-cutters of one another, and different men will react differently to breaking up. But I will agree that saying "Let's just be friends" is about the worst thing you can do; the person being broken up with is probably going to hate his/her ex at least for a little while and the last thing s/he will want to be is friends.

[Livelaughlove]

I think that complimenting him will give him the wrong idea; that he is just the greatest guy and that the girl will realize it and come back to him eventually.

I disagree.

MEN ARE LED BY THERE EGOS. ITS REALLY THAT SIMPLE. Trust me i know I am one

There are 5 stages of grief...

1. Denial
2. anger
3. bargaining
4. Depression
5. acceptence

Whether she does what i say or not the stages will be remain the same.

By complimenting him it simply allow him to blame her healthily. Will actually be able to be your friend once Acceptence kicks in. Instead of having the feeling that he was insuffient in making her happy. Blaming himself, in turn maybe going weeks of self blame and hurt. Which is what you experienced suzanne214!

There are two ways to solve every problem

1. WIN-WIN: In which both people make out evenly.
2. Win-Lose: Win-lose one person gets all the emotional sucess while the other gets nothing.

I made a post about this earlier. Do a search to get the model.

Live laugh and love