[suzanne214]

ok...so i have got myself into a bit of a situation. i have just started at sussex uni, and my boyfriend is there with me, but we arent living together.

The thing is, in my house, we live next door to a group of boys who we met when we just moved in, and there is this one guy in particular who i have been spending a lot of time with..

we go over to the boys house and they come over to ours quite a lot, so its practiaclly like we are living together.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9months which i guess isnt that long, but i do love him...i mean i could see myself marrying him, yet since i have been at uni i find that i am constantly wanting to be with this other guy, the one who lives next door...

before i came 2 uni, i never even thought about any guys other than my boyfriend, yet now i cant get this guy out of my head, even when i am with my boyfriend.

we are arguing a lot now as well, which we never used to do. and basically a few nights ago, me and my bf had had an arguement and i was at home with the guys next door, and there was a lot of drinking and somehow we just ended up kissing...

i know what people are going 2 say about that...i know how bad cheating is, and i have never even thought about cheating before, and what i used 2 think of other people who did it...but it just happened...

i like both of them so much...i mean my boyfriend is reliable and i trust him more than anything and i know that i can be myself with him, but this other guy is just exciting and fun...


i guess me and my boyfriend have got into a bit of a boring stage, but im just not sure if i enjoy being with him anymore...

i dont want to hurt him...and i just dont know what to do...

some of my housemates have been saying how good it must be to have two guys liking u that u like as well...


but its the worst situation in the world...i am usually quite a happy person, yet this week i just seem 2 be crying constantly when ever i think of the fact that i have 2 make this big decision...

this is the most upset i have ever been in one week and i just dont know what to do... sorry its a long one, but i am so confused...any help would be appreciated x

[miffed23]

Hmmmm...uni hey?

Im going to be completely honest with you... ive never seen a relationship that began before uni, last... it seems like uni is out there to make you cheat ... socials, excessive drinking, abundance of good looking men, sports initiations... ahhh, the good old days....

I started a relationship at the end of my first year of university and it lasted until the end of my fourth year. I didnt cheat, nor did he..but believe me, i was tempted... many, many times... anyway, the moral of this story is that, i felt that i missed out on true uni life, true experience... i was in the netball and hockey teams, but i felt obligied to stay in with my boyfriend instead of go out celebrating a win etc.. it got to the point that i felt guilty going training twice a week.

So, with all that said... i guess its a personal choice, but my advice, and take it or leave it; is to not get yourself tied down and to enjoy your university experience.. you can still do that with your boyfriend, im not saying that you cant... yet, if you decide to finish your relationship, i wouldnt recommend getting into one with this other guy... nor am i suggesting that you turn into a complete sl*g... just spend time with friends and if you happen to meet a nice guy, you dont have to feel guilty for chatting to him.

Above all, HAVE FUN!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Miffed speaks very good advice.

You have to realise that you are only young. And, young love can run it's course.

Be wary as well though that you will find another 10 attractive as well over the next couple of years and what you don't want is to fall into, that kiss where he then says, after you go to a second base perhaps, great, that was done. Seeya.

Your boyfriend fighting with you and you back is because of your confusion, you may even be sub'consciously making those fights happen and/or he may be able to see the changes in you and fear.

Can you really see yourself marrying him? You say you can but you have itchy feet.

Nothing at all wrong with that either, your getting older, growing into a little lady and all those changes will happen and again when your 30 and then 40 and so on.

Just make sure that you only love your boyfriend as " a friend " and no more, there is no more deep love before you make that final decision.

Enjoy your life, your young... You don't have to settle.. You don't have to get married because you've been with him 9 months, you have to love him to death and know that he is the one.

If not, nothing you can do, you will hurt him bu that is life.

CW

[Davey]

Yea, then people wonder why they're unhappy. Yea, they had plenty of fun, but they probably missed out on someone who really cared about them. Yea, you're at school, have a blast. But don't up a good thing for cheap thrills.

More than likely the cause of youre increased arguments is he senses the distance in you since you've been smitten with this new fella. If you really feel ur not meshin with this guy, tell the truth, and end it on an honest note. or get off the pot, can you dig it.

But you're young, you're in school, that's the time of you're life, enjoy it! But jus keep in mind in four years or so, when you're in the real world, you're going to wish you had a good man to hold you down, because they really are few an far between.

[crzyredhead21]

Wow! Story of my life right here! Good to hear other peoples views on this issue! I myself am going through a similar senario so I really hope it works out for you! I will say that remeber that life is so short and don't squander the chances you have to truly be happy... whether that means staying with b/f or letting him go and pursuing the new flame.

[miffed23]

Yea, then people wonder why they're unhappy. Yea, they had plenty of fun, but they probably missed out on someone who really cared about them.

What? Do you have any idea just how difficult it is to maintain a healthy relationship during university? With that said, it could also make her unhappy staying with her current boyfriend, the arguements could increase from the pressure, then her studies might suffer. Suzanne214 - youve got to do what you think will make you the happiest. Youre still young, theres plenty of time to settle down and find that someone special.

[Livelaughlove]

You pretty much already came to your conclusion... You dont want to be with your Boyfriend anymore....

Ill tell you why.

we are arguing a lot now as well, which we never used to do. and basically a few nights ago, me and my bf had had an arguement and i was at home with the guys next door, and there was a lot of drinking and somehow we just ended up kissing...

Your subconsciously causing arguments between your boyfriend and yourself to actually make it easier on you conscious of you leaving him. You had every intention of leaving your boyfriend...

Ive said before that women are emotional beings... Your constantly spending time with this other man because you want to be comfortable that your making the right choice of leaving your boyfriend.

You causing the fight and then going to a place that you knew he would be there then having Plausible Deniability of Oh we just drank too much and then started kissing.

^ That is just you trying to rationalize your cheating. The fact is you wanted to kiss this man you just created a complex plan to go through with it.

Your not a bad person.... More women then you know do this same very tactic.

Just make it easy on him...

i guess me and my boyfriend have got into a bit of a boring stage, but im just not sure if i enjoy being with him anymore...

Here is another example of how you already made up your mind.

Live laugh and love

[WildChild]

LLL, you got this one nailed. Because of all the negativity women grow up with - men aren't s or ****s becasue they chase skirts but women get a whole different standard, women are more likely to play little head games with themselves.

Suzanne you need to set him free. At this point you're going to hurt your bf at some level no matter what, better to end it cleanly and fairly. That will be more honest and increase the chances that the two of you may be able to be freindly. Collect some wild oats (no germinating), experiement, have some good safe fun, get it out of your system. Then you will be more ready to decide who and what you want in your life long term. Drinking isn't a cause, it's an excuse to do what you want w/o owning it. The kissing and everything else is a whole lot better done aware and with purpose.

[Davey]

Lol I think these blogs so amusing. but live laugh love broke it down pretty well. It has nothing to do with you being young though. You're either for some1 or not, regardless of being in school or not, and ur obviously not. So cut him loose, don't be selfish. And listen to ur heart. You're mind will play tricks and we all know nothing of you're situation.

[suzanne214]

ok...last night we had a really long chat (me and my bf that is) ...and i told him that i wanted to break up, but he didnt take it very well...he isnt a very emotional person at all and yet when i told him, he started crying and he just looked so upset and i have never ever seen him cry before...the things he said to me keep going round and round in my head...he told me that i was the girl that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with and he was like...'i cant believe that your not even going to give us a chance, i thought we had something special and then at the first sign of trouble u go and throw it all away...' so we decided to give it a week and see how things go, but its just going to be so hard. he is such a nice guy...and he hasnt done anything wrong which makes it so much more difficult...another thing is...when i was about 16, i had been going out with this guy for about 5months, and i lost my virginity to him...and then he broke up with me, i havnt seen him since. after that i felt so low...like i wasnt eating properly...not because i didnt want to but just because it made me feel physically sick when i did...i had to force myself to eat like small amounts and i was kind of down all the time and just really messed up with pretty low self confidence...and i was like that until i was with my boyfriend and he is the thing that helped me get through it all...and this situation is killing me coz i can kind of see the same things happening with my boyfriend...like totally loosing his appetite and feeling sick all the time...and i hate that i am the one doing that to him...i dont know why i am telling u all this...but it just feels better to put it all into words...sorry its quite long...