[Cloe Ray]

So here is where I'm at. I have been married for over 9 years. I'm not going to go into all of the detail that has brought me to this point today, but I'll try to sum it up. I'm not blaming the entire problem on him. I'm just as much to blame as he is because I never was honest about my feelings toward him. We have been separated for over a month now. He is wanting to do everything in his power to make this work. He says that he has just all of a sudden realized what I needed and how much he loves me. Thing about it is, I've given him all kinds of chances before. I'm done with him this time. But he will not take no for an answer. He keeps begging to me and crying. I am honestly scared to go and file the papers because I don't think he can handle that right now, mentally. He thinks that I need to go to the doc and get put on meds because I have a hormonal imbalance. He's the one acting more crazy.

Could someone please give me some ideas to help make him understand that I don't want this anymore?

[Searching_82]

I'm in such a similar situation! Yes! Advice!

[WildChild]

Cloe Ray you are already separated, talk to an attorney. If you have kids you may need one, if not depending on your state you may be able to do it on your own. Suggest to him that you both get counseling. In the counselors office, which should be a 'safe' enviroment you may get further talking with each other.

[rcoreyus]

Maybe you can tell him that you don't love him anymore. That you are sorry, but that neither of you should waste their lives in a relationship with no future.

[crzyredhead21]

Tread carefully! He shoudl go to counseling.. and if he has left you any disturbing voicemails I would keep them as possible future evidence. Remember that this is not some casual relationship that you can just walk away and not come back!

I will say this just one time and preface it with that fact that I'm not out to offend the men on thi site! But men..... you guys are just plain soemtimes!!! You never realize a good thing until it walks out.. and then you still will go back to your old ways because come one! " she'll never really walk out". I just went through this on Saturday with my b/f. I tried sitting him down and having the "talk" and to tell him I was done. I have never seen this man cry EVER but he was sobbing and begging (another thing not like him whatsoever) and "finally realized" how much he loved me!! Men too are very emotional creatures and if I can be honest again we women sometimes enable their bad behaviors. We soemtimes don't think for ourselves in the relationship... we lose ourselves. And allow them to make the decisions for us.

Wow.... I guess I needed to get that out.. quite the rant! Anyhwho...... yes, be careful but do what's good for you.. don't let his anger/hurt hold you back from filing for divorce. Do what's good for you and remember that you guys are separated now so you are not reponsible for his feelings anymore! Good luck.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It is difficult for sure...

You try and try and try and get no where, then eventually fall out of love and all of a sudden, they profess their love for you and make you feel "guilty"?

Not at all...

Let his parents know that he is very down about this and needs not only their support but "eyes" on him... He is there responsibility now.

Let your parents know that you also need support because he is making you feel bad, but you do not want to go back into this marriage it is over.

Once you have done that, he is no longer your responsibility pertaining to his actions/reactions and you have to state to him " I need space", please do not call me, or see me... I need to be alone. I have told both of our parents, and you need to be with them not me.

Then close the door and don't answer the calls, or his attendances.... You need to find yourself again and not walk on eggshells or feel guilty and he needs to turn to someone else for the comfort and support...

Wildchild mentioned children... If there are, then that makes it difficult but have your family or someone from your family present when he picks them up at all times. And, have them meet him at the door not you.

Off course, don't show this to your children - the "distance" just make excuses each time, darling let Daddy in, i just have to get that washing out on the line, ie....

CW