[crzyredhead21]

Thanks to all of you for the advice. Yes, it has been hard. I do feel that it was the best decision. And ,Miffed,I do agree that we shouldn't be living together right now but I honestly have NO WHERE to go. So here I sit, uncomfortable as , with him sitting next to me getting drunker and drunker. We shall see. What makes this even harder is that we work together 3 days a week. Today was awkward as heck! He's sp hurt right now and that really does suck to knwo that I am the cause of it. I didn't want to hurt him this bad but I have to start thinking of myself. I hope he ends up with the conservative girl of his dreams. God knows I can't be that person for him.

You know, life is funny sometimes. I don't know abtou you guys but I do believe in "signs". I prayed and asked for a sign that I did thr right thing the other night. Yesterday when I was at work I had not one but TWO guys give me their number and ask me out to dinner. I have never had this happen to me EVER. I have never had one guy give me their number, nevermind two. Made my day really. I had had zero sleep, been throwing up most of the night so the tummy wasn't doign too good, and bless these guys for brightening up my day! BTW, I told them the situation and said that it was just way too soon. They both were very adamant that I keep their number and call whenever I felt ready to. Too cool!

Not really sure where to go from here. I guess I've got to start looking for my own place, or for a roommate. <sigh> God how I hate moving!!

AND I am goign to be without sex for god only knows how long!!!!! Noooooooooo!!

[Lakerat]

The hardest part of change is usually that first step.....the mind is a powerfull tool keep it focused and sharp....your a very intelligent woman you will do fine!

[crzyredhead21]

Thanks Lake! I needed that right now! Just got through a bad session with "ex". He's trying so hard to win me back with kindness. I can't stand it! He doesn't understand that I want to be alone right now. He called me cold-hearted. I guess because I'm not crying all the time or something. I can't let my guard down that far. I will NOT be dragged back into this relationship!!! Hopefully I'll be able to last until I find another place, or he does. I can't keep doign this... I know that much at least. I hate seeing men cry. What did you call it, LLL?? "The Crying Game" I believe??? I'll have to go and re-read that post. I can't let his pain affect me that much or I will go back and be miserable. Why does this have to be so hard!?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Because life was not meant to be easy.

Someone decided that you had to jump obstacles and the more hurdles put in front of you and the more you jumped over, the better it all became and lessons learnt.

I am a great believe of what you put out to the universe certainly will be answered "if you believe"..

You have answered yourself, what "you" want and unfortunately you are the only one that counts.

AND I am goign to be without sex for god only knows how long!!!!! Noooooooooo!!

For goodness sake, hahaha. Deal with it, I did. lol.

CW

[crzyredhead21]

Thanks CW! You are a much stronger,braver person than I! Might have the find a sex buddy to keep me occupied for awhile! LOL. J/K....... or am I????

[CHANDLERS WISH]

As long as it's not the co-worker, because your ex to be will flatten him, then I don't particularily care.. lol.

CW

[Guest]

BTW, I told them the situation and said that it was just way too soon. They both were very adamant that I keep their number and call whenever I felt ready to. Too cool!

Not really sure where to go from here. I guess I've got to start looking for my own place, or for a roommate. <sigh> God how I hate moving!!

Sounds like to me you know what you want, but it's a little scary doing it, we would all feel that way, it's normal - We are all talking stuff here that other posters including myself have been thru - I can see you've got a pretty good head on what you want to do!!

Do me a favor, or should I say do yourself a favor,
I really would not tell these guys anything else about your problems until you get to know them just a little bit more, I feel it just brings on more problems. If it was your good friends that's 1 thing, but obviously they are looking to take you out, and that's nice

Now he is raging drunk, watching porn very loudly, and drunk calling all of his friends.
I don't know what to think abut this.

Once again.. I just feel so lost!!

Doesn't sound very conservative to me like you had said earlier, does it?

Sure you feel lost, I would too, but you really aren't! Time is what you do have, you may say not much, but it is something you do have -

With each new day brings you closer to your destination, it really does. It's not like you are not traveling, you are - Soooo, settle in for the ride and take it 1 day At a time, and I'll bet ya my bottom $$ Everything is go'in come out just fine in the end.

I think it was mif that said something about settling up on the finances later when the smoke clears, and that is good too, unless you find him in a mood he's wants to discuss it, then by all means do! Sweet Dreams you Crazredheaded21 woman you!

[crzyredhead21]

I agree with you InNeed. I wasn't planning on talking with them abut anything. Plus one thing I guess I forgot to mention is that they are custmers at my work. Could get awkwad so I'd rather just not. I mentioned those incidents mainly because it absolutley floored me. Nver had that happen before.

I do knwo what I want. I just know from past experience that us living together righ tnow is NOT a good idea. I just wish I had a couch to crash on right now and let him figure out his own feelings abotu this. He just doesn't seem to get it. He seems to think that there is soem magical thing he can say that wil make me take him back. Frankly, I;m tired of talkig about it with him. I just need some space!

Hey InNeed! Your place, 8 o'clock, cheesy romantic movie of your choice? I think I can make that trip 'cross country for that! hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! j/k. luv ya.... thanks for the advice!

[Searching_82]

I officially claim crzyredhead as my twin on these boards! Wow girl, we are going through SO much of the same stuff. I'm here for you as I know you are for me. I agree with NO1..youtook the first step (which is usually the hardest) ...now follow through. Just keep telling yourself one day at a time..on day at a time. Hopefully, this time next year we can both look back on this and be like 'wow that was so hard to get through..but i am SUCH a stronger, better, happier person for doing it'. Best of luck to you!

[crzyredhead21]

I totally agree with you sister! I just gor thrown another curveball today. my boss at my full-time job (I have two jobs) just let me go today. I was already in a financial crisis as it was and now I really think I'm goign to have to file for bankruptcy. I am soooooo devastated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved everyone at that job! Iunderstand why he let me go, but good god what AWFUL timing!!!! I am so incredibly hurt right now I can't even tell you. They were like my family! I know I am rambling right now but I just can't get over it. I worked so hard, made sure I was the "go to" girl for everyone, and I feel like I just got punched in the stomache! I don't know what I am goign to do!! I can't afford to live in this house now... I can't afford to live anywhere!!

I keep trying to think positive... this may open up other opportunities for me.But it's hard.I just want to curl up in a ball and die!!! Dang economy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!