[NLB]

Thanks for the words of encouragement Debberduck and Sassie. I do think that he is truly sorry and wants to work through this and work with me to change a number of the things in our relationship that weren't working b/f this happened. I agree that this most likely happened because of opportunity and sex, but do also feel that our lack of communication and growing resentments towards each other probably also pointed him in that direction. I do want to get to a point where I forgive him and can move on, but am just taking things day by day right now. Today is exactly 2 weeks since he told me, and my emotions are still all over the place. I do love him and want this to work, but also do still have a lot of fears that I need to work through and that I need him to help alay. The one that's really bothering me today is the thought that this grand effort he is making to change and open up to me isn't real and that once he realizes he "has me" and I'm not going anywhere, he'll revert back to his old ways. I guess time will tell.

On a different note, our counselor recommended that we read a book called "Fighting for Your Marraige". Her recommendation was that after each of us reads each chapter, we stop and discuss it with each other. I'm still waiting for him to finish the first chapter, but think it will be a good exercise.

[sassie]

I guess I understand how you feel as it's been 3 months for my situation and sometimes I feel the changes that have been going on will stop and revert back but it's just a waiting game I guess.

Give your hubby some time to read the first chapter and maybe once he gets through it and your sit and talk it will encourage him to focus more and read it on a regular basis.
The way I see it only time will tell if this wound will heal so give it that time.

By the way what is the author of the book I would love to pick it up for myself as maybe it will help us as we still need it even though 3 months has passed it still feels like this morning I found out but I am trying hard to move on. Some days are really good but others are really hard so just take it one day at a time.

Sassie

[NLB]

Hi Sassie,

Hang in there today. You know, I've noticed that I have worse days when I'm really tired or have had a night where I can't sleep; it makes me more vunerable to bad thoughts. Maybe that affects you too? As for the "Fighting for Your Marraige" book, it has 3 authors (oh yeah, and endorsements from Oprah, 20/20, 48 Hours, CNN, BBC etc!). They are: Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan Blumberg. Another book I picked up on my own is called "After the Affair- Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful" by Janis Abrahms Springs. I haven't gotten very far in it, and even though this was a one-time event as opposed to an affair, it seems to touch on everything I'm going through emotionally right now. Check it out. It's written more for the cheated on person.
Keep your head up today and try to get in a nap if you can.

NB

[sassie]

Thanks for the info on the books I for sure will pick them up as anything to keep me in the right direction of healing is what I need. I did add to my last post regarding healing and how I am trying to move forward now but like you said some days are harder then others.

Thanks again
Sassie

[NLB]

I went to the doctor on Monday for a minor medical issue and while there inquired about any health risks my husband could pose to me in the event he picked up an STD. Let me first state that I have no intentions of being intimate with him anytime soon, given what he's put me through, but just wanted to be informed. I also told the doctor that I've been having some anxiety since this occurred and trouble sleeping. She gave me prescriptions for Trazadone as a sleep aid and for Lexipro as an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medicine. I've never taken meds for depression, anxiety, and aside from Tylenol PM, for sleep. Has anyone out there taken these? Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but there's a piece of me that feels like I should be able to work through all the emotions that come with the trauma of this event on my own. I guess I'm afraid they (well, mainly the Lexipro) will numb the pain and anger I'm feeling and that I need to go through those feelings in order to heal. Perhaps in some way it will slow the healing process. Just curious as to what experience others have had...

[Guest]

Dear NLB, I'm going to talk to you as if you were my best friend and ask me this question.......
Don't do it!!!!

I've been where you are now years ago!

Problem is the High percentage rate that goes along with getting dependent upon these, no matter how low the dosage is.

Do yourself a favor use other outside resource to help you deal with this.
What could happen is you might make your self an absolute wreck. then you won't be worth anything to your self or anyone else.

I group up in the late 60's, 70's, 80's...
I seen so many terrible results of this. If you read some of my post you would read some of the results I'm talking about!

You know yourself better than anyone else here so if you take your time and think about it slow and hard you might see the pitfalls with this type of thing.

I'm not going to say nobody should ever take these things and I'm not your Doctor.

I'm just going by my experiences, you see? One Day at time,

Good Luck to you NLB

[sassie]

NLB, Honestly I would take a moment to think about what medication can do to you and remember that once you take it you may feel you can't focus without it. I am not saying that you could end up taking medication for the rest of your life but really taking medication for a sickness is one thing and sad to say but this situation that your going through is not one it's a stress you need to try and over come on your own. I know I am no doctor but really would you take Advil if you didn't have a headache?? The thing is been upset and depressed is two completely different things and yes what your dealing with is a very hard time in your relationship right now and somedays are really hard I know this even for myself but the hard days are a form of anixety about what has happened.

We have been through a similar situation and I thought at first taking medication would make it better but after really sitting down and speaking with my doctor he advised me that I have to go through all the emotions that come along with this type of situation to be able to better deal with it. My doctor perscribed me anixety medication but only 8 tablets for a really bad and as of today 3 months after the fact I still have 8 left but having them with me a the beginning if I needed them comforted me and made me feel that if I felt I was losing control I could take one to get through it. Really think about it before you take this medication your doctor gave you or even get a second opinion as once you start taking a medication such as the ones you have listed could change who you are and how you feel about life and also cloud you judgement about the things that are most important to you.

Keep you focus on you and your little one and if your going to try your marriage out then use your mind to overcome this and aim for the starts.

Sassie

[NLB]

Thanks for the advice Sassie and In-Need. I did get a second opinion- actually two: one from my counselor and the other from the doctor I've dealt with on some of the hormonal issues I've had. Both advised me not to take these. I think I mentioned before that I am taking natural progesterone supplements for a hormone deficiency. Progesterone, apparently, is a hormone that helps regulate anxiety and helps with coping. Because I'm on a very small amount, it was recommended that I try a slightly higher dose at night to help with anxiety and sleeping. It's a more natural option and doesn't run the risk of dependency.We'll see how it works over the next week or so. On a different note, I do have to commend my husband. He really is making an effort to try to make this work. It does give me hope.

[sassie]

Glad to hear you are looking at everything before making your mind up on the medication.
Hope things continue down the right path for you and the hubby.

Keep positive

Sassie

[Guest]

Thanks for letting us know about the Wonderful news,