[Jules1020]

i have had a crush on a friend of mine for a few months... i am a lesbian by the way.. i made a few moves and i have already made out with her, it was just for fun when it happened cuz i thought she was hot...

but then every time we hung out i kept liking her more and more...

we have a mutual group of friends we always go out with so i see her pretty much every weekend, sometimes more...everyone knows i like her, and 70% of the time her and i end up together at the end of the night at this club, when everyone else goes home.. and she holds my hand, stands way too close on purpose...flirts with me...but we still have fun as friends...

she knows i really like her, i've told her i was into her, she's really complicated, is a bit older than me... has been married to a guy before but said she is ALL about women now...she has her life a little more together than i do and i think that she doesnt take me seriously because of it..

i am also moving out of state for a few months in january and she knows that..

but when i return i'll be a little bit more together with my life...til then, well, for whatever reason, she's never expressed feelings back to me....etc...

it's turned into this bad thing of her driving me home sometimes and me kissing her everywhere before i get out of the car, trying to convince her to take me home with her..

i told her i wasn't out to her but just really wanted to be around her...she said she didnt believe me.. i said try me.. and well, she suuure did take me home that night and SHE started the sex.. it was all her!!

i spent the whole weekend with her and was like trying to pinch myself the whole time to see if it was really happening..but just went with the flow..we hung out all day the next day and i kept waiting for her to say it was time for me to cruise but she never did.. asked me if i wanted to hit up the bar, and we did..i slept over that night too but i didnt ask to, she just drove back to her house..

we didn't have sex that time just kinda cuddled..we hung out, had fun.. that was 2 months ago..

and it's been still the weird thing of her kind of messing with my head.. we havent kissed in awhile, i havent even tried.. but the touchy feely stuff still happens when we are alone at the bar. she knows i really like her, i've told her like i said...

well, last week she invited everyone to this halloween party she was going to... was all "you HAVE to go it's gonna be sooo much fun blah blah"

so i invited some of my other friends she didn't know and we were all gonna go... i was kind of looking forward to making a move since i hadnt in awhile... (i am like SO into this girl, can ya tell , lol.. i know, i got it bad, i'm aware.. see i can hook up with girls, no problem, i dont usually seriously fall like this..but SOMETHING just makes me nuts about this chick) but was really just more so about us all being together and rockin out and having fun..

WELL, the night before the party she called me and said we had to have a talk and that she wanted to tell me this before the party cuz she didnt want me to be upset but that she was bringing a date to the party... and that it's a guy...

i was kinda shocked and bummed but totally played it cool... but was kinda like "soo you are bi, or what??" and she said "well, when im in the mood, im in the mood" which made me want to throw up for a few reasons... so yeah, i was upset kinda.. and was all pitty partyish like "why doesnt she want to go on a date with me.. why some DUDE??" you know??? lol..

i know that she hooks up with other chicks, she never does in front of me, but i know her and i know she does... i do too sometimes but they don't compare to her AT ALL.

anyway we all got to the party a bit earlier than her and i was already having a lot of fun at the bars before we headed that way.. had an awesome time at the party.. everything was goin ok.. i was pretty drunk and was feelin good..

well then she showed up with the guy.. i know i talked to her for a few mins but that was all and then i just hung with my other friends and kinda kept away..

well, when i got home i ended up txting her like SEVEN or eight times telling her things like "you know what i don't even care anymore, you have to know, im SO in love with you" and i just kept saying "i love you" over and over.. and a lot of other things that didnt really make sense.. and she was STILL at the party with that dude while i was doing this, which was really cool of me, i know... sometimes i just ask for trouble..


the only thing that she replied was "still here" which was awesome.. so yeah, the next day i emailed her and kinda said sorry, not for saying it but for the bad timing and txting her SO many times.. she knew i was pretty drunk.. no excuse, but it was obvious that i was. i know that she read it but she never replied..OH , and i told her that i had already changed her name in my phone to "DO NOT TXT OR CALL" LOL. good one right??


sooo yeah, i am totally embarrassed because "i am so in love with you" isn't something i say to people every day,, ya know>?? and it's like i know she already KNEW i was.. but i think i just wasn't supposed to say it.. i dunno... oh well too late right?

anyway it's my good friends bday saturday and i know she's gonna be there and i'm gonna pretty much die of embarrassment and have a hard time looking her in the face... sooooooo that should be fun! hmm

i wonder if anyone will read this whole thing.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Man that was long, and yeah someone read it and other's will.

However, there is no question?

Are you wanting to know something?

Because you need to pose a question for a reply otherwise it is viewed as "venting"....


CW

[anonymouswhitefemale]

She's not a proper lesbo, so she won't want a monogamous relationship with a woman. She wants fun and sex, but as she should she still fancies guys. And to be honest, if someone's bi, when a prime example of the opposite gender comes along, then why should they care about someone of the same gender?

It seems like you're being really clingy and obsessive and she doesn't really want anything to do with it.

[WildChild]

Anony is right, she isn't looking for a long term deal and is bi. You are moving soon for how ever long and admit that you have a disordered life right now. Focus on getting your ducks in row, it doesn't sound like you are ready for a LTR yet either. Work on rebuilding the freindship if you can and see how that goes. But if you are looking for a monogamous relationship (do you know if she practices safe sex with male partners?) you'd be off sticking with women who are clear about their preferences.

[Phoebee]

It just sounds like a relationship that is important to you but just a "fling" to her. And you probably need more then she can give.

[Aithneu]

Don't get me wrong, the other ladies made a few good points. However I'm sure you know how embarassing you acted the other night, and perhaps what you need is someone with a more supportive answer to your problem..
I have been in your exact shoes and my girl picked the boy and stayed with him. Instead of keeping our relationship as friends together I just felt so wierd and wasn't really myself with her anymore. It was like every time I looked at her she could see that I was still into her and it freaked her out.
Don't do what I did! Don't let things get wierd. Because if you care about her isn't it better to have her as a friend than nothing at all? If things are wierd, it's not too late. You have to show her that you're moving on or that you have moved on.
Say things like "you know if i wasn't gay your bf would be five stars in my book!" and check out other girls with her for fun- "hey check out that blonde!" It sounds retarded, but it sure lightens up the atmosphere with her- you gotta do what you gotta do, right?