[Guest]

your with someone who fell in love with. everything goes very well. you always have things to talk about. you always see each other. you always embrace when you do. its perfect and you can not think of anything but to smile b/c you are with someone who completes you. everyday you smile, laugh, and is a great day.
but one day its over. for reason not told. you were left as if you never existed to the other person. you feel bad, cry, and have lost empty feelings. time goes on and you get up trying to brush off the dirt from when you fell. you went through the phases of sorrow, guilt for things you didnt even do, had your pitty party and all. time does heal as they say.
but does it really?
you got dogged by who you thought was perfect. you were lied about, had things said that wasnt true and were made to be the worlds biggest loser all for someone elses gain. and the funny thing is the one you were in love with doesnt see it as it had been done before.
so months go by and you had no contact with your ex. or her friend. you say nothing as all you did and asked while the world you used to belong in already crumbled and no longer exists, is in the past. you try to get your loife going again, making new friends, going on a few dates, and doing what is needed of you to move on.
so why does this person 6 months later still talk about you to the people you know?
does it ever stop?
when does the the pain stop?
when will you stop caring for your ex?
when will the bs stop of you being a subject when your not even in the picture?
when will you actually heal of having your heart ripped out and not only tossed aside but ran over daily?
when will it be over?

there is nothing worse then losing your love. it happens as its a part of life and can understood. we turn to people we know our friends. and they support us. they help us get back on our feet, spend time with us, help us heal. but they can only do this for so long. this tests the friendship of those who are close.
but again when does the the pain stop?

when does all of it ever stop?

[Little]

It's been a year and a half since my then-fiancé broke off the wedding and refused to give me a reason. I still care about it, it still hurts, it's still bull. But I believe he's stopped telling people I'm crazy.
The best healing has been falling in love with someone new. Falling in love deeper than I knew I was capable of because he loves me back. Reciprocation is a funny thing.
You may never forget and you may never "get over it." But it may not be necessary. Just get yourself right with your life, and let your happiness be the best revenge.
Take care and good luck with it

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Awee JWB.. you know true friends can still always be there, it doesn't test their friendship, it is you not wanting that to occur, thinking it might and backing off from talking...

People can be vendictive and in doing so protect what they know is the real truth by putting down the other, to everyone they meet and over and over again.

There are always two sides to the story and maybe it's time you stated that loud and clear those simple words back to those people: THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO THE STORY-

It is hard because you are in a small town surrounded by these people everywhere you go, it doesn't help you heal because you see those faces of people that she decided to say things to to make herself feel better.

You have been out on a date and you enjoyed it.

You have options you always have options and you have viewed those and I hope there is a way in which you can move from there, so that you really can start a new, a fresh as it would help you.

But, in the meantime, it's time to stand up for yourself, and NOT allow this woman to continue, by telling these people THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY, let them ponder on that..

People take what they hear not what they don't hear.

You are a strong character, beautiful soul and Little is right, when you find someone else that you fall in love with it will be deeper and hense, this woman will be a distant memory and you will find that you don't even need to remember anymore, as the new love in your life will be everything you wanted and more..

CW

[Fallen1]

I'm closing in on the three month mark. It was devastating to me as just a few weeks before he was wanting to get married. Time has helped somewhat as I'm not crying uncontrollably like I did the entire first month.

It's been a tough go, he was my best friend. I've had to learn to live as an individual again because we did everything together.

We still talk just about on a daily basis and we've spent sometime together. I don't know if this makes it easier or harder but right now I can't imagine never seeing or hearing from him again.

[Guest]

If it was real it never stops. May hurt less and less, but it's always there.

just as it should be.

[2morrow]

My heart goes out to JWB. When its true, sincere love for someone, and then that someone splits, your heart is going to take alot of time to mend. But that is what makes love so special and precious, and why we are always looking for it, and then we do find it, we want to nurture and feed it and keep it forever. You will love again, sweetie.

There is a song, , by Leeann Womack, its called Falling. It describes what you are going thru.

Also, do you know why they call an infatuation a "crush". Its what you feel when its over.

Time heals, just remember that....

[WildChild]

They keep talking about it because they have guilt or are afraid you are talking about it and want to counter the negative things you could say. It's all head trips. Of course they won't talk about what they did or didn't do or how life circumstances contributed to the situation. It's their script, their way of avoiding responsiblity.

You have to take responsibility for your end. Obviously the person and the relationship weren't what you thought they were. Cuz they were it would still be going strong! I've done this, on an emotional high, sweep him into my stream of happiness and life is good. But it wasn't them or us - it was me. And at some point, they get pulled into someone else's stream because they are just along for the ride or they just suck you dry, you stumble and instead of them being able to lift you up, they dump on you. The other possiblity is they are emotional vampires, they feed on other people'e energy - good or negative. They get off on the initial high of the early relationship and later they get a sense of power from your pain. It validates them, they'll milk it as long as they can.

Speaking as an older person, some level of hurt may linger and in years to come you have to watch that you don't hit a situation where you respond from the old wound instead of to what is current. Something will trigger that old pain and fear. A lot of people ruin relationships that way.

This is a learning experience, you have to decide what you learn. If you learn not to trust, not to love, to fear closeness, to put pain avoidence above the possiblity of finding a true and real love, you will a close a door in yourself and it may never open again. You will become, as are so many people, a man who never really opens up, is always guarded, always waiting for their partner to hurt them, unconsciously creating situations for it to happen. You don't want that. That fact that you are so hurt argues that you are a man of true feeling. There are plenty of women who would value you! Most of us seem to get into a pattern, we find the same thing over and over, it may be dressed up differently but inside it's the same and then we respond in ways to keep it in the familiar pattern. We may not like it but we know it, it's familiar and it fits our expectations. Don't fall into this trap!

Hold your head high, give your self time. Find a way to feel sorry for this woman. She lost you! She's probably doomed to repeat the pattern over and over. Thank your lucky stars she bailed before you signed on the dotted line. The world is big and there are a lot of peple in it, a lot of places to work, ways to avoid negative people. Became unavailable to these vestiges of the past. Get out and get busy. A new hobby, working out, improve your golf swing or learn to golf, take a Fred Astaire dance class, learn to make wine or brew specialty beer, join the Sierra Club and restore some hiking trails, join a book discussion group, learn to meditate, volunteer at the local food bank, spend part of Thanksgiving feeding the homeless. Join an investment club, expand your horizons. Next time take it a little slower, spend more time getting to know her, do some "defensive" dating, that's lots of casual dates, no commitments, just keeping it light, casual and fun.

The talking about you and to your freinds is about her not you. Leave that, don't pick it up, it's not your problem. Keep moving, growing, expanding your horizons so that when a woman who could be right comes into your life you won't be boringly immersed in a pity party hangover.

[thack]

I know exactly how you feel man, September was a dark hole for me, and now, just now, I am starting to level out, but my circumstance was a little different, she had a boyfriend, a cheating wife who ~still~ tells everyone it was me who was cheating not me... sO I understand your questioning as to why they keep talking about US instead of looking in the mirror.. fact is, once she cant believe her own lie any more, she will wake up, she will see that she's been stuck on the merry-go-round but its not a merry ride when you cant get off, whereas YOU are off. you can stand tall, you can hold on to a part of this, its going to be impossible to just shrug it off like everyone (at least with me) kept telling me to do, just remember, learn from it, grow from it, and become who you want, dont let a guilty woman who is projecting the blame onto you bring you down.

I am told :P that they arent all like that, lol, I will find out soon enough, I have not dove back into the dating pool for a while. SO, I can speak from experiencing the same thing, and I am still pushing through it as we speak, so I sympathize with you. We have to be strong man.

Baby steps, keep prayin and keep on moving forward, dont stall!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

When does it stop?

It stops when YOU decide that YOU are more important and that you acknowledge as such, that there is someone BETTER out there for you.

You stop searching, and find you and in such, you find her, when not looking.

It seems that there was also a child/children involved JWB, that in itself is difficult as you fall for that child/children as you love as your own.

I know that my ex really had immense difficulty with one ex girlfriend in particular, seems that she more than likely cheated on him, but more to the point she left the little girl with him alot, and went back to her town (3hrs) away, she had bi--polar, took a fair wack of money from his account whilst he worked as well ( he was a construction engineer, mines, all sorts) but the thing that stuck out the most for him was the little girl, losing her.

If this is a thought for you, you must know that one day you will again see her, but also one day you WILL meet the RIGHT lady whom loves you un-conditionally, it will be real and that you will more than likely have a child of your own with her, if not she may have one of her own ..

The point being, is unless people move past their "past" they can not SEE the present and therefore there IS no future until they do.

It's time anyone with pain looked at themselves in the mirror knowing their morals, their self worth and their hearts and said, " they were not worth my time", and so, I know who I am... Kalma does work and "she/he will walk into my life" because I am worthy.

Let past be past.

Present is eventuating

And, there WILL be a future....



CW

[Guest]

I really connect with what you are saying JWB,
Where I have a problem is knowing that people still talk that ****. I'm the kind of person that wants to take things in hand, but I've learned to let it lay. Still it's tuff.

I totally agree with what WC said about how people use their script to justify or condemn or whatever their agenda is. Sometime people are just vindictive because they relish in that kind of thing, ya know what I mean?

With that in mine I would want to concentrate on what I know I did, that it was not my doings and hey, they have the problem not me. Over, end of story so to speak.

I believe when one really believes they had a most wonderful relationship and there was a lifetime hope so to speak in it, there's this great since of loss that is almost tangible. It's a part of you. I'm like No1, it won't totally go away, but will lessen with time . I know, that word time is really what your asking about, when, when, does it ever?

Like CW says it will replaced with something even greater that will help these things we go thru seem more like a stepping stone. I believe when we look back, we see it more like a wonderful experience to build upon. (talking about the good relationship) and we use that experience to help even a better relationship!

I've no great revleation just some of my on thot's,
Good question JWB, for many of us I would say.