[ann9501]

My husband and I were friends with this other couple for a little over a year. We used to live in the same apt complex and about a year after we had been friends, they started buying the same things as us and we were a little creeped out. (it was almost "stalker-ish" ) I always felt like they were judging everything we did... anyways, long story short - we ended up actually getting pregnant and buying a house and moved just ten minutes away from them, but then everything changed once we moved. She sent me this huge email about how I put all of my time into the house and my pregnancy and how we sort of stopped getting together as much. She wanted to get together every week! Where I come from - getting together with your friends once a month is a blessing! Anyway, that email really hurt me because my new house and getting everything for the baby was my priority and I dont see anything wrong with that.

So... I told her how I felt and we sort of made up but it was never the same. she wanted to throw me a baby shower a few months later... however, she stopped emailing me once I told her that I didn't need her to throw me a baby shower because my friends at work were already throwing me one (but I was really nice and thanked her for offering) and she was totally fine with that and said "we'll have to do lunch sometime then"... but then that was the last I have heard from her. it has been 8 months since I have talked to her. They didnt even send us a congrats card or gift for our new baby. you would think if they wanted to be friends they would show us they cared...? I don't really know what happened or how we got to where we are now and I don't know if I should try contacting her again or just get over it...? (I really want to be friends with her but its been so long, im not even sure she would consider replying to my email... I need some advice please... what should I do?

Also - I am hesitant to call her or become friends with her again simply for the fact that they were seriously buying some of the same things that we have and acting like stalkers...that's why we sort of slowly brushed them off in the first place. I am seriously back and forth with this...

[Guest]

they seem to be the kind that's all or nothing. You have to decide if you want them in your life every day or not.

Used to have neighbors like that myself. Not was the better choice...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's possible that they don't have many friends, they may be a bit like the Jones, a saying here in Australia, want to keep up and be likewise...

But, I think that if you were "friends" and you stated " thanks but my friends at work are throwing me the shower" it would come across to me as in-sensitive, like they are more important than you, i chose them. Silly, I know but until you grow together and understand each other totally as friends, you can take something the wrong way very easily.

I think that hurt her. So she through in the lunch bit but felt hurt so never contacted you again.

I can understand getting peeved that they like your furniture and buy it as well, "keep up", but don't know what your real friendship was like, seems as I said that they don't understand real friendship either, a bit clingy maybe.

Did you ask her to come to the baby shower? Did you ask her to be a part of it anyway, perhaps make a dip or something? Or, thanks but they are doing it and left it at that?

Strange thing friendship... If real it has to be real.

If you just feel bad but haven't missed her, leave it. If you geniunely liked her and miss her as a person, her friendship do something about it.

My opinion.

CW

[ann9501]

Thank you. I needed that. I agree with those opinions. It's just so hard because I think that every female wants a "happy ending" with their friends (if you get what i mean?) i had some great times with her (we did as a couple as well) i do miss her friendship and i think we saw them in a different light once we were ticked off about buying the same things as us.

i think i may try and reconnect. my only fear is that they may say - "screw you" and not want to be friends again...but then that's our gain i guess since we want to have respectful friends and we'll really know their true colors by their response....

[WildChild]

Someone wrote a book about this, women's freindships ending with no closure, don't remember the name. For what ever reason they pulled back, gien your concerns about some of their behavior, it might be for the best. There is a saying that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Try a simple Hi and how are you doing card over the holidays, maybe that will open the door.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thank you. I needed that. I agree with those opinions. It's just so hard because I think that every female wants a "happy ending" with their friends (if you get what i mean?) i had some great times with her (we did as a couple as well) i do miss her friendship and i think we saw them in a different light once we were ticked off about buying the same things as us.

i think i may try and reconnect. my only fear is that they may say - "screw you" and not want to be friends again...but then that's our gain i guess since we want to have respectful friends and we'll really know their true colors by their response....

Wildchild has good points too... But you know what? If they need the "Jones" then they are insecure and need friends, they don't have any they keep trying and stuff up... Maybe, just maybe you are the people that can make them realise that they can be themselves, hey? I get what you mean....................... have a think also on that note.... It's not your gain their loss, them trying to find themselves.

CW

[Guest]

CW you said it right.
here in the US we call it keeping up with the jones. same thing there.

i think every body has or had a friend/neighbor like that. we had one in our neighborhood also. everythig my one neighbor they did also. neighbor A put up a deck, so did neighbor B, sided the house, so did B, bought a pet. the things anyone did they had to do.
i also see a bit of jealousy. you got a house, a child, different friends. she can be jealous of that.
i dont know if i wod say creepy/stalker about her wanting everything but envious/jealous for sure. if that bugs you, your going to have weigh out your what bugs you -vs- what you like and can deal with to come to your answer.
your only 10 minutes down the street. that is not a big deal at all. actually its a good thing, gives you both some time for own things and have something to talk aobut when you do see each other. but if she is taking this to this limit, remember it is her loss.
people come and go in your life. it happens. how many do you see from school, some moved away and you might have also. people list of friends change too. your way of iving changes also. what you liked today you may not like tomorrow. and what you didnt like yesterday you may like today.
you can try to the bigger person and ask her for tea/coffee. or if all of yo get together maybe drinks cards whatever it is. maybe she feels you guys abandoned her.
you and your family are first and most important. then your birth family, then your friends and coworkers. that is my list of who is in order or importance. a true friend knows that family in #1 and will always be there for you, so she should know yor child has a bigger priority than her. that is no brainer.
but call her like i said, see what the deal is. but dont ask her about it, jusst act like nothing is bothering you and see how things go. maybe you have to make the first move here. try it. your only going to get a good responce or not and wasted a few minutes of a phone call.