[Guest]

My girlfriend cheated on me, I don't know exactly how far it went, I was too shocked to listen. I haven't talked to her for a couple weeks because I don't know what to say to her. I love her and want to be with her, but I don't know if I'll be able to trust her again. Especially because I don't get why she cheated. I've asked her and the only thing she says is "I don't know". So if it wasn't for a legitimate reason how am I supposed to know she won't do it again? another reason why I don't know how far it went is because she was, blubbering and the only words I could make out was I'm sorry(it would have been funny had she not been telling me that she cheated).
Our relationship is hard for a couple reasons. #1 it's long distance. She recently moved and we hoped it would be closer, but she's still three hours away. We only get to see each other once a month and we are both very...affectionate. I think we'd both rather be in each others arms than doing anything. #2 her parents don't like me and neither does her family. So she constantly has her family against her. #3 we are both extremely jealous. I have alot of girl friends and she has a few really close guy friends ( it wasn't any of her guy friends). So when I do something or hang out with my friends she gets upset, and when she hangs out with her friends I get upset. I don't know how not to be jealous especially because we hardly get to see each other. #4 and now my family hate her so I have my family against me.
I don't know what to do. I mean she at least told me, but I'm afraid that if I take her back that she will just think that if she cheats or messes up, all she'll have to do is cry and act sorry and I'll take her back. I want her to love me as much as I love her, but it really hurt and I don't want my heart to get broken like that again. I do love her and want to be with her I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. Is it really true "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" I believe she can change but I need some non-family and friends opinions.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Youth in my opinion is a bit different, in as much as "everything" is a learning curb, what you do, you learn from and so, it is my opinion that no, "once a cheater not always a cheater".

I tend to reserve that more so for "Adults", reason? Because they know better, know exactly what they are doing and don't care when they are doing it.

Pressure, constant knowledge of parents not liking you, jealousy, may be the reason why she moved on then thought no i don't want to move on, I love him.

I would talk to her and establish exactly what happened and why it happened, did a guy continually put pressure on her, tell her that you two won't last that you are more than likely cheating for instance? Gulible... Nieve... Youth...

CW

[Guest]

I'm going to comment on your last question 1st. It's my opinion "That once a Cheater always a Cheater" is false.

To me that's like saying once you do anything that might be a character flaw, a moral flaw, or any flaw, you'll always be that way. Ppl do change for the better or the worse. Anybody that's on this forum of any age should be able to say that some of the things they use to say or do they don't anymore and of course they could say they are the worse for it and are controlled by those flaws even more. Seems as tho Cheaters do have a bad track record, but no, they don't have to be one forever. If that was the case with life then our prisons would be fuller than they are now, trust me!

Myself, there are many things as a young man I had as Character/Moral Flaws but I've changed much for the better. I could tell you many things about myself that were ugly but I simply have changed.

I understand you are hurt, you care for her, you've had intimate times together that are pleasant to the memory, but you're going to have to let her make the moves if you believe you can forgive her, you'll have to overcome the not trusting issue. It would be natural for you to be somewhat cautious if you got back together. Don't force the issue, let her make the moves, sure you could speak to her but take it slow. Myself, if it gets that far I would not even involve sex, that would be a test for both of you because healthy relationships are built on more than that, right?

Get out, enjoy yourself, it will make it easier on you!

Good Luck

[someonereal_]

i've asked that question in this forum too, but in my case, i was the girl, my boyfriend was, loosely speaking, the cheater.

i honestly believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is not always true. In Need is right, people can change, and my belief is that people will change if they want to. your girl told you she cheated, that's a good sign. but if she's being shady about the details, it's either she's not being completely sincere with you, or she doesn't want to hurt you more by being in depth about it.

CW is right, you've got to be able to talk to her about the issue. first tell her that for you two to work out both of you have to be completely honest, which means she has to tell you everything you want to know. only you can judge though if you think she's learned her mistake and is willing to change.

just remember that working out your relationship will be twice as difficult now if you decide to take the risk with her and get back together because not only will you be battling with the jealousy (which on your end will be stronger after what happened), but you'll now also have to fight for her against your family. and I think you'll only be able to do so if you're sure about her and secure with her. if you can't trust her, how will you be able to defend her against your family?

it all really boils down to two things: 1. do you think she is willing to change for you? and 2. can you still fight for her?

i hope this helps.

[Guest]

I saw her on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I couldn't stand even looking at her, all my feelings of how much I love her, the jealousy, and anger, everything flowed back in one huge rush, I had to leave. Her mom gave me a letter saying a few things about how she felt and how she saw my ex and how she thought my ex was feeling. Needless to say I had to talk to her on Sunday. So I made sure they couldn't leave without at least saying goodbye. We talked for a couple hours and she explained everything very thoroughly. She says she did when she first told me, but like I said, the only words I could make out were "I'm sorry." I do feel like she's genuine, but I really cannot take getting hurt like that again. And the way she described it is that the guy was very persistent wouldn't leave, tackled her and started to work. Kissing her neck, stroking her arms and legs, just pulling her in. She says that she told him no and she told him to leave but he refused. So she can say no unless they are very persistent....? Although I know that he went to her house after that and they didn't do anything so why couldn't she have done that to begin with? I was going to marry her. I gave her a ring for valentines day that we both liked alot. I was going to have it duplicated with diamonds and a ruby and everything. What am I going to do now? I want to be with her so badly, but don't feel like I can. For people that have been cheated on...should I just give it time? Or will I never get over this? Will my love for her really fix this?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

she saw my ex and how she thought my ex was feeling.

She got confused , thought that you still loved your ex, or that she loved you and that you would leave her.

This guy placed the Ace card.... won....

Her mind was thinking on losing, you, if her Mother got involved, you can bet that she loves you.

Have a think.

CW

[Guest]

I tried to work it out, but I can't. I forgive her, but I don't want to be with her anymore. She just is insensitive and it seems like she doesn't even care. I met a girl that is great, she is so amazing and cares about me like my ex never did. Yesterday we were talking about it and she was just being a total and she was mad at me. I kind of understand why but I don't understand why she is so selfish and insensitive. I called her before Christmas and we talked and I wanted to work on our friendship thatway we could possibly be together again, but after I've been talking to this amazing girl my ex just seems...not as great. So I told her that we are done and she's ****ed (my ex knows about this girl) and I still want to be friends but I don't know what to do because she just thinks that I am just completely through and I'm not. Plus I am not ready for a relationship, so I wouldn't be doing anything anytime soon with this girl but...help!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I tried to work it out, but I can't. I forgive her, but I don't want to be with her anymore. She just is insensitive and it seems like she doesn't even care. I met a girl that is great, she is so amazing and cares about me like my ex never did. Yesterday we were talking about it and she was just being a total and she was mad at me. I kind of understand why but I don't understand why she is so selfish and insensitive. I called her before Christmas and we talked and I wanted to work on our friendship thatway we could possibly be together again, but after I've been talking to this amazing girl my ex just seems...not as great. So I told her that we are done and she's ****ed (my ex knows about this girl) and I still want to be friends but I don't know what to do because she just thinks that I am just completely through and I'm not. Plus I am not ready for a relationship, so I wouldn't be doing anything anytime soon with this girl but...help!

Have you ever considered that your girlfriend (past) knows that you are NOT on her page? And that is why she did what she did? To try to win you over, make you jealous? Young firls will do that.

You never cared about her, you are already moving on, you want a friendship now with possibilites of going back.. Why? Cause there were good parts to this relationship that you liked. However, "this amazing girl" has taken your eye , this quick? See what I mean?

Your both confused, she was confused and tried to win you over, you are confused, you've already met someone else, but won't do anything cause of your ex, you SERIOUSLY need to lay the cards on the table and work out what you REALLY feel about each other, or move on.

CW

[hokarie]

My girlfriend cheated on me, I don't know exactly how far it went, I was too shocked to listen. I haven't talked to her for a couple weeks because I don't know what to say to her. I love her and want to be with her, but I don't know if I'll be able to trust her again. Especially because I don't get why she cheated. I've asked her and the only thing she says is "I don't know". So if it wasn't for a legitimate reason how am I supposed to know she won't do it again? another reason why I don't know how far it went is because she was, blubbering and the only words I could make out was I'm sorry(it would have been funny had she not been telling me that she cheated).
Our relationship is hard for a couple reasons. #1 it's long distance. She recently moved and we hoped it would be closer, but she's still three hours away. We only get to see each other once a month and we are both very...affectionate. I think we'd both rather be in each others arms than doing anything. #2 her parents don't like me and neither does her family. So she constantly has her family against her. #3 we are both extremely jealous. I have alot of girl friends and she has a few really close guy friends ( it wasn't any of her guy friends). So when I do something or hang out with my friends she gets upset, and when she hangs out with her friends I get upset. I don't know how not to be jealous especially because we hardly get to see each other. #4 and now my family hate her so I have my family against me.
I don't know what to do. I mean she at least told me, but I'm afraid that if I take her back that she will just think that if she cheats or messes up, all she'll have to do is cry and act sorry and I'll take her back. I want her to love me as much as I love her, but it really hurt and I don't want my heart to get broken like that again. I do love her and want to be with her I'm just afraid of getting hurt again. Is it really true "Once a cheater, always a cheater?" I believe she can change but I need some non-family and friends opinions.

"once a cheater, always a cheater?"

definitely not true..
honestly, ive been a cheater once, although i made a mistake but only once...and i've learned my lessons now!!! so y shud i do it gain??? ryt??

actually, its up to the persons attitude towards relationship if he / she wants to be "always a cheater"..he / she will be...

it seems dat we have sumthing in common..

my bf now is acting like the way you are now...

just think of it, when you fall in love you have to prepare urself for everything whether it is good or bad..you have to accept him / her as a whole behind those imperfections..and besides nobody is perfect..all of us can make / commit mistake..we just have to try to forgive and forget once..

if u rily loved her and u think she also loves you, so y u have to undergo with this kind of torturing urselves..if u think that she is still worthy for your love, jus make up with her again...give her another chance..dont be to negative that she will cheat or made another mistake again...just listen to ur heart..if u think u can be happy if u will get her back. so be it...

but u have to be too smart now to make some observations towards her actions..so u will know by urself if she 've changed or u have to believe that "once a cheater.always a cheater"...