[Sassy-snape]

If your boyfriend told you this how would you react?

I have had to incidences

1st

we was play fighting on my 21st birthday and i got a bit strong headed and he slapped me and made me cry.

2nd

I saw him looking A bit down so i grbbed his wrist and made to play punch him with it and usually he stops before it hits with a grin but he hit himself and he back handed me, no way hard or anything.

What gets me is he says he will hit in self defence but if it an accident then he wont, then i dont understand.

the second time was an accident which is why i dont understand. and i tried telling him as much on severa occassions and he screams at me and then blames me for making him shout and starting a fight.

he says it simple dont hit me then you wont get hit but if thats try why did he hit me when i said it was an accident and shout at me when i try tell him differently???

[WildChild]

First don't hit him,even playfully. Second he has some problems, no one ever MAKES anyone else shout or start a fight. He chooses to do that. If he blames others for his behavior he is refusing responsiblity for his actions. That is the slippery slope to trouble. Get yourself out of this now and give yourself time to mature a little.

[Sassy-snape]

I have left him, i left yesterday, he started screaming at me and i said well its either me or yur temper.

clean up or clear off. he has promised not to shout again and he has never broken a promise but i just said dont make promises you wont keep.


i am sick of being treated like a doormat. i wont put up with being treated like that.

he said he needed time on his own and its just his frustration coming out, but i said it doesnt matter what i do or how angry i make you, you should never shout like that.

i called him a coward and weak for not being able to control himself

[CHANDLERS WISH]

i called him a coward and weak for not being able to control himself

Physical / Verbal - "both" a bad thing....

You do what you feel best for you by all means, you don't like being shouted at, fair enough but i don't agree with then calling him names... That's "verbal abuse".. and not really what I believe in.

Just making a comment.

CW

[Sassy-snape]

trust me he is thick skulled, he needs those words to realise what he does is bad, i tried reasoning with him

[shweedart]

I don't think it's right for a guy to hit a girl, nor do I think it's more acceptable by any means for a girl to hit a guy. If I properly punched a guy, I'd expect it straight back. Women have fought for equality for a long long time and when we get it we don't like it. I know violence isn't the same story but still the same sort of aspect.

now, if he hit me first I'd hit him straight back even in a play fight, when it's all good fun.

Maybe he shouted because he's fed up of it? A friend of mine, used to hit her boyfriend often. Be it a warning nudge, playful slap or full on punch...she did it, he took it on the chin at first but started to retaliate though he never hit her back. She just constantly wound him up! What I'm trying to say is if you know it hits a nerve then don't do it...

[shweedart]

I'm not trying to excuse his temper, It's clear he's got an issue there but don't fuel the fire

[happy ending]

you sound verbally agressive - coward, thick skulled? i bet your aguements are real doozies.

[Sassy-snape]

Im not physically aggressivy at all, i would never go to hurt him in any way, what reason could i possibly have for that? yeah we sorta wressle but noway where anybody gets hit or hurt, we make each other jump when coming through a door, or we play tease each other and we give chase laughing. lasts around 20 seconds. but when i accidently catch him he hits me back and i dont see that as fair if it was an accident! and this rarely happens, 2 times in nearly 9 monthes.

And as for verbally, the shouting is all one sided, he shouts and there is nothing i can say that will make any difference, i try to reason, he shouts more.

so when he calms down and he blames me for starting it yes i will be verbal with him because i cannot allow him to treat me like this.

he says he shouts because he is frustrated with having no time on his own, fair enough but i have nowhere to go to give him space!

And he shouts because i dont no how to drop something, fair enough if this is true but i dont think it is, i will try calming him dwn by reasoning but as i said it makes it worse.

We split up over a film no less, he was watching a dark film, which i did not like and moaned through it at him. yes this was unfair so i went to wash the dishs, he paused it to go have a bath, and then i went to have a bath, taking plenty of time for his film to finnish and to think of a solution to give him space to watch his films.

so i told him, et please let me no when you want to watch a dark film and i will go out or something, like my neighbours, library etc but he thought i was trying to control him, like he had to ask me permission for his films???

how he came up with that i dont no, i have poor people and literacy skills so i cant always get accross what i want to say and sometimes it comes accross that way but he didnt give me time to explain further.

its the eqwivilant (sorry cant spell) to asking him if he wanted a cup of tea and being screamed at, thats how unexpected it was!

i was trying to better the situation by giving him space when he watched a film but he screamed at me for my efforts, and yea this time i did call him weak and a coward because at this point i hated him for it.

By screamed so hard i couldnt understand a word he was saying he split us up

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thanks for the explanation, you know when people "talk" we only hear what they say, sometimes they have to "keep" talking so that we can hear more, in your case that's the case...

Still let me explain... Being angry at someone usually results in saying things we don't really mean, or we do more importantly but wish later down the track we could take back... So think about that because some words really, really stick in your mind and you never forget and it can't be forgotten...

This guy and you, well you are level headed, hey I don't like dark films, so i will nick off... He thinks you are controlling and "telling him what to do"..

Living in each other's pockets is way not easy.... my ex loved motor bike racing and stuff i didn't but it wasn't like he went and got me a movie to watch that "we" could see together, no way ho-say... (Australian saying)...

It seems to be often the "way" you say things, you said nothing wrong, he took it wrong i am hearing that a lot lately.

So, communicate and tell him... "I personally don't like those movies kind of scares me, but i don't care that you watch them babe..." but I will probably find something else to do when you do watch them hey...and leave it at that.

he says he shouts because he is frustrated with having no time on his own, fair enough but i have nowhere to go to give him space!

That to me is the key to it all... You both live in a place where neither can be independent, one lounge room, different views, different tastes, no where to go...

You both have to find a happy medium, friends places, other things you both like whilst in the same household BUT, but, but, you both need to share, ie) a movie you like as well, together, watching for instance.

Life if not a one way street, compromise is important and so is independence..

CW