[marple1965]

Thank you for your reply. It does help to write even though it also makes me start crying again. The pain is so fresh.

I also know that you are right. Everything you say is true. My head tells me that also. Unfortunatly my heart still wishes for him to need me and come home. How long before that will go away? I don't know.

He has limited resources and is living in her apartment, so it will be difficult. Let's just say I make over 6 figures and kept him in a lifestyle he could not have had on his own. We never fought, had a good relationship until the last few months. I noticed he had distanced himself. Started having other things to do. I knew something was up, so thats how I found out. I started looking.

I am going to try very hard to move on and away from him. I do think this new thing he has will fail and he will be wanting to come back. I have to find the courage to no longer let him take advantage of my and my love. I know I deserve better. Right now its just hard to think of a future alone. 20 years is a long time to change your whole life. I am sure others have done before and their survival gives me hope.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, i also was the bread winner, and worked my butt off, still do, whilst my other half, sat around pretending to be in pain, over an injury, only to seemingly not be so, after a small payout which he wasted.

Mine was 7 and a half years, only a 3rd.

But, I am also 45, so that was tough, i walked, as i felt used, and there was a lot more involved.

So, if it's any concelation, I am happy as a pig in shirt, 19 months later, very very happy.

Time is all you need.

CW

[marple1965]

Thanks, I'm betting on the time thing.

In the long run I am sure this will be for the best. I always have believed that if you are doing the right things, then things happen for a reason.

Later on, I will find out the reason for this.

[starvingforsex]

just some words of encouragement....I have been there too w/ 3 kids( at the time ages: 3, 5, 15). I didn't have job and had a mortgage, second mortgage, and credit card bills dumped in my lap. My ex was an abusive . He wouldn't help financially or see the kids. I was destroyed. BUT>>>>Thank god I had a fairly decent size pension that I cashed in lived off of for 3 months until I got thru training for a new career. I was fortunate enough to find out that Harley-Davidson was hiring w/in 2 weeks after him leaving. I gathered myself up and stuffed every bad feeling inside and put all my energy into getting this job. I went to the United Way, my church, and ACCESS(support for domestic abuse) and they all made it possible for me to give my kids Christmas and stay afloat until I started working. It all paid off...I got the job and was able to support my family and have the biggest "stick it to him" ever.
I did take him back for a short while down the road, but that proved to be a big mistake.
YOU CAN DO IT....REACH OUT TO YOUR COMMUNITY, FRIENDS, AND FAMILY....YOU WILL SURVIVE AND BE STRONGER THAN EVER BEFORE. GOD BLESS YOU! Add me to your friend list, keep in touch.

[Sylver]

Hey Marple.. I am sorry that your husband lost all his thought processes before Christmas too. Because I have no job.. no money nothing, I had to get government help and as I was sitting there crying the man giving me all the paperwork says "This happens a lot this time of year". I wanted to smack him. Hopefully things are doing better for you now.
I am a little better now. It has been the longest three weeks of my life. I have been keeping a journal and that has helped a lot. I no longer phone him constantly (it made me feel like a stalker but I really couldn't help myself). Having short term goals has helped even if they are little ones like packing up the house, doctor's appointments and when the pest control guy is coming. It gives me something to focus on. My kids have been fighting non-stop now for the three weeks since he left and that I think has been the hardest part. They just don't stop.
I have opened bank accounts in my name only and still I worry about his money and the fact that he can't budget and control like mad. I hate that I still care even though he has caused me so much pain. But if he walked through the door (not that he could because I made him give me the keys back lol) I wouldn't take him back. He has made me feel totally worthless and it feels like I wasted years of my life (just the last 4 or so). He ended up telling me that he hasn't felt right about the marriage for the last few years (ever since we moved from Canada to Australia) and yet he tried to work it all out in his head. I thought we were fine. Sure we disagreed and had arguements but who doesn't? He still says there is nobody else and I have to believe him or I will go mad.
I feel a bit better... I plan to go back to school so that I don't have to have a job that I don't like or want to do. I want to be able to not need to have a guy in my life to make me happy or support me. I have never been alone and it is a little scary. I want to do well and be happy.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, for the record? You have an Australian here CW, who is also sharing a house with a Canadian, Pam...

So if you ever need to chat in either way, don't hesitate.

CW

(smile)

[Sylver]

That's great! I am Australian, my kids were born in Canada and my youngest says that people have a hard time understanding her because she speaks Canadian!

It is very thoughtful of my ex to discard me in my homeland though. I am very thankful to him for that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

lol... Well, yes I agree...

And, at least we have summer coming up hey. xx

Keep smiling...

Me sleeping now i mean it is 11pm for goodness sake, go get some rest woman..

lol..

glad i made you smile.

There is a visitors board here you know, you can make me your Aussie friend...

CW

[happy ending]

hey slyver nice to talk to another aussie.

[Sylver]

I have to admit that I am a bit of a newb when it comes to this board/forum stuff. Either I don't have the brain power to figure it out... or I must be missing something. So if you have any hints and tips for me I am all ears!.. err eyes!!!