[Smiles302]

A friend of mine (we call her amy) went through a bad spell, a lot of guy trouble. Amy was and still is in love with a guy who treated her terribly. He was her first love. And I hope she will be able to get over him, but she was miserable without him. He used to hit her and abuse her so going back to him really is out of the question.
Trying to get over him, she tried being single and missed having a boyfriend. She got together with a guy who seemed absolutely lovely when I was around but when they were alone he became controlling and a completely different person.

I couldn't figure out how to help her or what to do to be there for her. Which was upsetting me and distracting me. My boyfriend asked me for her number to see if he could do anything for her. (Being the amazing guy he is)

Hearing a man's opinion really seemed to help her alot. And him agreeing that the lad she was with was bad news gave her the confidence to leave him. And since then she has been starting to get over the first love. And she's with another guy now who treats her right.

But the thing is. Now she texts my boyfriend more than she texts me. She does flirt with him. He's said it to me. I think he did flirt back a bit thinking she was messing around and then asked me about it. I've asked her does she flirt with him and she says no.
I completely trust him and am no way worried that anything would happen. But I don't really have the same trust in her. I don't know her all that way.

I have no problem with them being friends. I actually like the idea of him getting along well with my friends.
But I worry is she really a friend if she flirts with my boyfriend and then lies about it?
Also, he asked me very out of the blue, did I sleep with this guy in my town, I didn't, and asked him why in the world would he think that, he sounded like he didn't believe I did when he asked the question. It was very odd. And I'm worried that she might be spreading rumours about me. I know he would come right out and ask me anything she said about me. So I'm not worried about our relationship. But I am thinking what kinda friendship is this...

I only started being close friends with the girl a couple of months ago, while she was in the middle of her lad trouble.

[Guest]

is "Amy" the same person you said texts her ex?

[Smiles302]

No, completely different person.

I'm a very nurturing person, and I'm really starting to think I must attract very dependent people. And it's hitting a point where it's stressful to have so many people expecting attention and help and advice and then not listening to me!
Most of the reason why I'm here at all

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The difficulties with playing "Mother Hen" haha, as i get called here, in real life, is that instead of a person appreciating what you are doing for you, they see you as smarter than them, and jealousy plays into it.

To do what you did, should be appreciated but a true "friend" will appreciate it, having been your friend for a long time.

This girl has no loyalty you are an "acquaintance" she envies you in your position, a man "dream man"of the type of man she really wants, she knows this because you allowed "him" to help her as well and as such, he is perfect, no jealousy either...

So this type of woman will try to destroy you, bring you down crashing and take the man, no loyalty.

You can keep trying to help people all your life and do, never stop... But remember very clearly, that none are your friends until they prove their friendship.

My suggestion also is don't get your man involved.. Whilst your level headed and he is of your same persona, it will just cause trouble..

This you reserve for your "true" mutual friends you have together, where helping as a joint venture is concerned.

CW

[Smiles302]

I need to stop mammying

You become a mother to people too? Lol. I really can't help it, but I seem left with just the two close female friends who I actually trust as friends and peers. And others who would call me a friend they get registered in my head as children.
It was all fine when I was living at home. So I could go to my room and have some privacy. But now I live with other students. So I have no privacy. Like there isn't much I can do when one of the girls knocks on the door. I enjoy helping people. But I'm not ready for kids. And even if I got a baby there would only be the one of them! lol! I have so many examples of me acting as the parent in just this living situation. I don't know where to start. And I'm the youngest! And it's my first time out of home. And it's just more pressure on me taking care of everything and everyone on top of trying to figure things out for myself.
And that turned into a bit of a rant. Anyway I'm not sure what I'm asking for now.

I see now that giving him her number probably wasn't the best idea. It was just the easy way out of hearing the same problems over and over and her refusing to listen to me.
At least no more real trouble came out of it. He sees her as a child too now.

With the whole Amy thing, I'm just confused at where our relationship stands now. I don't trust her to look out for me like a friend would. A friend wouldn't come on to your boyfriend.

One of my new year's resolutions is to not let people take advantage of me. I have real trouble saying no to people. Like if it's possible for me to help I'll go out of my way to help. And I know there are people in my life who would do the same for me. And I couldn't imagine my life without them.
But there are actually quite a few people that wouldn't. Like Amy who really seem at times to only want me for help or advice.
My problem is do I just drop these girls as friends.. how would I even do that.. I don't know how to confront them about it.. I tried with one of the girls. And she told me that everyone only looks out for number one. That she was in the right and it was my fault for being too soft. But an hour later she asks me what are we having for dinner and then leaves me to cook it!
I know I can't let myself be walked all over. But I don't know what to do about it. I hope somebody can relate to actually having real difficulty in saying no.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You are a very giving person..

I wouldn't say nieve because you can see the writing on the wall, but nieve in as much as you see it after you make the nieve error.

What do you do?

You will find that Amy will take, take, take and at that point you will no longer give.

The fact is, you give to people as much as you can because that is your nature, but you also MUST GIVE to yourself.

You allow positive people into your life, and you DO NOT allow negative people in it.

You DO, help injured birds, but if they're wings aren't ready to fly? Nothing you can do other than hope "one day" they will remember your words of wisdom, when it applies at a later date and therefore you helped that person as you wished.

If you allow for these people to walk all over you, you will get tired of helping people and so, you will slowly stop doing so.

Get that back bone, see what I see and put it into prospective...

CW

[Smiles302]

Well new year's resolution is to really stop the negitive people having a negitive effect on my life and stess levels.

Suppose I'll take it person by person and problem by problem and see how it goes.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You will soon "see" very clearly, the uses to those whom need your help..

That i can almost guarantee sweet.

Time, it takes time no doubt you'll get hurt along the way, life is full of lessons....

haha not much you can do about it.

Just never stop being who you are, it's priceless..

CW

[Guest]

My problem is do I just drop these girls as friends.. how would I even do that.

stop being so accessible. you are your BF should consider not replying to every text, or maybe even to any text messages from them. dont answer the phone right away, etc.