[Birdie_567]

Yes exactly! It's such a safe way to have a conversation and know you won't be kink-shamed. Learning to navigate those conversations is a tough skill to build, and the tests are a fantastic way to safely have conversations with someone you're still building trust and communication with.

It was a very positive experience for me, so I'll always recomend it!

[Acesup]

Encourage? Hell I wish my wife would encourage me to buy her a vibrator, or anything else to try to make sex more enjoyable for her. I wish my wife would make any effort herself to try to enjoy sex more or let me do anything to try to make sex more enjoyable. Just the effort and the wanting and trying to get off would mean so much to me. I bought her a vibrator. The WeVibe, in 2016. When we first got together we went to the Hustler store but she didn't see anything she liked. She was vanilla but still enjoyed sex at that time. Since then she has becoming increasingly and impossibly inhibited to the point she claims to not like anything that gives me even the remotest chance of giving her an orgasm. She claims to have never masturbated and never used a vibrator. She didn't say that when we first got together, its like she has become increasingly revisionist history prudish. Now even the thought of a woman pleasuring themselves is gross to her. Its like I married a vanilla but grown woman and over time she has turned into an extra from the Handmaid's Tale. I don't know what has happened to her.
I took the initiative in to get her the WeVibe because I thought it would be perfect for her and us and allow her to get comfortable with her own body and pleasure within her inhibitions and limits. Its remote control so she doesn't actually have to touch herself since she says the idea of that is gross to her (her words not mine I don't get it). Its waterproof so she can use it in the shower, and its a couples vibrator so it could stimulate her clit and g spot and still allow me to give her penetration which is the only sexual act she claims to like and not find gross. And to her credit she does really seem to like it when we are doing it she gets into penetration she just doesn't like anything else and I am like desperate to give her more orgasms and pleasure because just penetration is a difficult way to get the job done of satisfying your wife if that is all you are allowed to do. Its frustrating knowing the odds are always against you going into the act. Anyway, that vibrator has sat in a box by her bed unused for 10 years now. Don't know if it even works anymore. She said she wanted to try a vibe until I actually got one and then she got all inhibited and literally never even opened the box to try it. I had high hopes maybe it would help her ger comfortable with her body so she can figure out what she likes and teach me. Swear to god I would do anything to make that woman cum more. I hate not satisfying her enough and I hate myself for not satisfying her enough and if she would just work with me I swear I could. Its like I'm fighting her to give her pleasure.
But I would in a heart beat buy my partner a vibe if she wanted and never ever feel threatened. My only limit is I don't share with another person. But I'll take any advantage I can get in satisfying my partner if its not another person so a toy is all fun. And to be honest knowing the toy she is using to satisfy herself came from me makes it still kinda part of our sex life. So I think it is a positive thing. I just wish I had married a different woman who liked her own body.

[JonnyR]

Acesup, we’ve talked about this quite a bit in your other threads, and one thing I’ve never questioned is how much you want your wife to enjoy sex and experience pleasure. I think that’s a wonderful quality in a partner, and I wish more people approached intimacy with that kind of enthusiasm.

But something you said really caught my attention. “I hate myself for not satisfying her enough.”

My friend, that’s an awful lot of pressure you’re putting on yourself, and perhaps unintentionally, on her too.

I understand why that WeVibe sitting unopened for ten years represents so much more than a vibrator to you. It’s another reminder of what feels like a lack of effort or willingness to explore things together. But I wonder if, somewhere along the way, her orgasms have become less about her pleasure and more about validating your worth as a man and a lover.

And I say that with genuine compassion, because I know how much this has been eating away at you.

Here’s something else to consider. You mentioned that she seems to genuinely enjoy penetration and sometimes orgasms during intercourse. What if, for her, that’s enough? What if her definition of satisfying sex is simply different from yours? There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, just as there’s nothing wrong with you wanting more exploration and variety. And of course, neither of you should feel pressured to participate in something you don’t enjoy.

I’m curious: Have you ever asked her, outside the bedroom and without suggesting anything new, whether she’s actually happy with the sex you’re having? Not whether she’s having enough orgasms, but whether she genuinely feels satisfied?

And perhaps more importantly, if she told you she was perfectly happy with your sex life exactly as it is, could you believe her and accept that? Or would you still feel like you were somehow failing her?

Any updates on hormones or therapy?