[jaycee]

I have written not long ago in here in regards to my being pregnant and my ex wanting me to have an abortion, he would not talk face to face with me, and we had a text war over this. He was quite nasty, went from being a lovely man to a monster overnight. The last time I heard from him was on the 28th of December. He sent an email saying how he didnt find me attractive anymore and basically saying that the best thing for both of us would be for me to have an abortion. Well long story short, on the day before New Years eve, I miscarried, throughout the night. I was 6 weeks pregnant. So since he has blocked me on msn, and won't answer his phone, I texted that I had miscarried. I got no response at all from that.

Since then I have tried once to try and make peace with him by email. I don't want him back, but I do value the friendship we once had, so hope to at least have that at some point once we work through all this, I am still very angry. But more angry because still I have not heard anything from him at all.

I could handle it if he just told me where to go rather than just ignore me, it keeps me in limbo. I do not text or email often at all, I didn't contact him for a whole week, and it has now been 4 days since I tried.

This indifference is cruel and I don't know how to deal with it. I have no idea what he is doing or thinking about this or even being my friend ever again, How can I deal with this indifference? I even dream about this guy every single night, I want to let go, but without answers its very hard to move on.
Any suggestions would be wonderful thank you.

[WildChild]

Sounds like he's running scared or a complete jerk. Whatever you once had is gone, why would you want a freind who would completely block you off when you are going through all this? Especially since he was part of it? You aren't in limbo, he's been very clear. It's possible that once he knows there won't be a paternity suit looming he'll be more receptive to talking - but why would you want to?

[Ashlee T.]

Good friends are hard to find. They love you, they're there for you, they want to protect you, to listen to you when you're hurting. During what must be a very tough time for you, you are lying to yourself. Please don't mistake your feelings of rejection and desire for him to want you, for a desire to have his friendship. If a girlfriend treated you the way he has, I have a guess that you'd no longer call them a friend. With friends like that, you need no enemies.

He was quite frank with you it seems. He's just done, done with whatever it was that you had. It's probably not that he doesn't find you attractive, unless you've drastically changed from the time you met, and I doubt that. Now, had you not miscarried, you'd have spent the rest of your life dealing with this person that seems undoubteldy cruel, insensitive, and has a general lack of respect for you. Your own child may have also had to deal with the rejection from him.

Now is the time to get your life back on track. You don't want this guys friendship, and you don't NEED this guy as a partner. There is no excuse for putting someone what he put you through. Just because you were pregnant didn't mean he had to be with you, but anyone with any compassion in their heart at all would've at least been there for you as a friend.

You won't get answers from him. And even if you do, will they be true? What if he tells you "you weren't good enough for me"? That would certainly be an answer, but not one that's going to help you move on. Settle for not knowing, and KNOWING that regardless of his reasons, his actions (or lack of) towards you should be enough to make you never ever want this person in your life again.

The truth hurts sometimes. Alot of times. But it's time to move on. It's time to pick yourself up, get healthy, and get happy. And don't let this sorry excuse for a man take one more ounce of your happiness. Remember, karma.......one day his actions will come back to haunt him.

[robbin]

no. no friendship! just don't

[happy ending]

it sounds as if you are grieving the loss of your baby and relationship, i am sorry for your loss, be good to yourself and stay away from this guy. he is no good for you, he is not worth your time. be good to yourself, give yourself time to mourn.

[sourpuss]

I know how you feel. I hate the unresolved feeling of something like that. But like WC said, he's been very clear. And I doubt it would make you feel much better if he said it to your face that he never wants to talk again. You'll just have to take care and move on. Easier said than done but I think after a miscarriage, you should really focus on yourself right now rather than some jerk who wants nothing to do with the situation.

[Guest]

the way he treated you and handled the abortion issue was completely wrong.

I know you still have feelings for him, and probably will for a long time. but given the way he acted i gotta ask..

is this really the kind of person you would want to raise children with in the future?

I know it's easy to say and very hard to do, but you need to focus on the future and forget about him. you are a great person and deserve much better!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think you are confused.

I am sorry for the miscarriage.

But, you state that the way he treated you, you thought he was horrid.

You stated that you are 'glad' that you had the miscarriage.

Then you state that you love him, but you only want to be friends....

And you don't state how you are feeling over the devastation over the miscarriage rather focusing still on him and only him, not even you...

How are you really feeling?

CW

[jaycee]

Thank you everyone, I know its confusing what I have stated.. I am confused, about a lot of this, I do have days I am sad about the miscarriage, but I know that in the long run its a good thing. I am sad to lose the friendship I thought I had, although he has started to contact me again, I am ambivelent. I apologise for being confusing, I know I deserve better treatment than he has given me, and I am working on moving on. Its just hard to wipe feelings away, because all this sort of happened over night, the break up the pregnancy the miscarriage and his change in behaviour.. so I am grieving what we had prior and the baby.. so I guess it takes time.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey, jaycee...

Well you are 35, or there abouts.... Perhaps you need to see that a friendship is exactly that, people don't walk away over friendships unless there wasn't really one to start with...

Sure, he may have issues I am confused over twice his ex at 5 months told him she was pregnant? Did he never see her and then not be wary the second time she did it? Can he really blame her or his nievity?

He was not a friend... You need to see that part...

Why would he be contacting you again? He gave you curry and now he's surfaced cause you had a miscarriage and your talking to him? Even though he dissed you at a time of need?

Yes, you do deserve better treatment, but i assume you are not "resuming" a friendship?".

CW