Well today I got back home, and first thing I did was get a ride to my babysitters house to spend some time with my son. He has grown so much, it choked me up seeing him but I was too happy to let that ruin the moment. I got about an hour of time with him (the babysitter asked the STBX to let her hold on to him longer today for just that reason, the STBX ok'd it but reluctantly) I expected pretty much what happened, he looked at me as just another person in his life at first, but by the end of the hour he was reaching out for me while the babysitter was holding him, that made my heart melt. I cannot wait till all of this is over and I get to be daddy again.
In other news, I got to walk through my house for the first time in 7 months. Its very very odd. I (somehow today... of all days) found old pictures lying around that USE to be in box's, kinda weird that they would be out. I found all sorts of stuff, and the STBX took a lot of weird off the wall things - for example - she left me 1 dresser in the baby's room, but took the drawers for it... odd if I do say so myself. (the house locks have been changed since November so she couldnt come back and get whatever it was that she left or forgot)
I went out with some friends and ran 3 miles (not normally the first thing you do when you go from sea level to 6500+ feet in elevation, lol, but I did it because its a huge social event, and my goal is to learn how to be more social from this. Went out to eat and then came back to my house, showered up changed and went out to our favorite bar to meet up with friends. From the girls there, they kind of filled me in on the "boyfriend" that my STBX is currently-still with, apparently he is a super control freak. Kind of funny, I always got accused of being controlling but I never saw how, I liked to have control of SOME things yes, but as far as freedom for a person, I did not interfere with that, in fact I did my best to allow for a lot of personal time in my marriage for her.
oh well, I am just sitting here in the dark, nothing but the radio on ;D trying not to lose my mind as I sit on this mattress that I do not want to be sitting on.... But I have been sleeping on the floor and I do not want to sleep on the floor any more, my back hurts.
Glad to be home, but there are just feelings welling up, the last time I spoke with the STBX was monday of last week through email, she emailed me asking for 3400$ to pay off her credit card because "times are hard" (little does she know, I saw the charges for the ski resort on the "child support" bank account....) I told her no, and then she started in on me telling me I was immature and what not. I simply (and surprisingly calmly) responded with just some things that had built up on my mind and my chest over the past couple months. This is my 2nd dose of the truth to her and I believe it stunned her. I got no response and she was in a very odd mood at the babysitter's house that night. There was no cussing, no CAPSTYPING and no !!!!!!!! spam, just calmly written very deep thoughts, and I ended it all with "please unless it is in regards to my son, do not email me, I do not want to talk to you, I think we will both appreciate this in the long run, have a nice day"
Right now she's trying to keep me from being able to take my son out of the daycare for any reason, I had hopes of clothes shopping with him, his room is completely empty except the drawer-less dresser. I wanted to go get him a coat, shoes, ect..... but thats going to be a little more difficult now.
But, even with the anxiety about coming home, and getting home to no family(aunt got hung up at work) for the first time in my 9 years in the army, I am doing ok, just a little down. I kept looking at my wedding band as it sat on the night stand, its now inside the night stand, I got tired of looking at it and seeing the tarnished gold...
Ty
In other news, I got to walk through my house for the first time in 7 months. Its very very odd. I (somehow today... of all days) found old pictures lying around that USE to be in box's, kinda weird that they would be out. I found all sorts of stuff, and the STBX took a lot of weird off the wall things - for example - she left me 1 dresser in the baby's room, but took the drawers for it... odd if I do say so myself. (the house locks have been changed since November so she couldnt come back and get whatever it was that she left or forgot)
I went out with some friends and ran 3 miles (not normally the first thing you do when you go from sea level to 6500+ feet in elevation, lol, but I did it because its a huge social event, and my goal is to learn how to be more social from this. Went out to eat and then came back to my house, showered up changed and went out to our favorite bar to meet up with friends. From the girls there, they kind of filled me in on the "boyfriend" that my STBX is currently-still with, apparently he is a super control freak. Kind of funny, I always got accused of being controlling but I never saw how, I liked to have control of SOME things yes, but as far as freedom for a person, I did not interfere with that, in fact I did my best to allow for a lot of personal time in my marriage for her.
oh well, I am just sitting here in the dark, nothing but the radio on ;D trying not to lose my mind as I sit on this mattress that I do not want to be sitting on.... But I have been sleeping on the floor and I do not want to sleep on the floor any more, my back hurts.
Glad to be home, but there are just feelings welling up, the last time I spoke with the STBX was monday of last week through email, she emailed me asking for 3400$ to pay off her credit card because "times are hard" (little does she know, I saw the charges for the ski resort on the "child support" bank account....) I told her no, and then she started in on me telling me I was immature and what not. I simply (and surprisingly calmly) responded with just some things that had built up on my mind and my chest over the past couple months. This is my 2nd dose of the truth to her and I believe it stunned her. I got no response and she was in a very odd mood at the babysitter's house that night. There was no cussing, no CAPSTYPING and no !!!!!!!! spam, just calmly written very deep thoughts, and I ended it all with "please unless it is in regards to my son, do not email me, I do not want to talk to you, I think we will both appreciate this in the long run, have a nice day"
Right now she's trying to keep me from being able to take my son out of the daycare for any reason, I had hopes of clothes shopping with him, his room is completely empty except the drawer-less dresser. I wanted to go get him a coat, shoes, ect..... but thats going to be a little more difficult now.
But, even with the anxiety about coming home, and getting home to no family(aunt got hung up at work) for the first time in my 9 years in the army, I am doing ok, just a little down. I kept looking at my wedding band as it sat on the night stand, its now inside the night stand, I got tired of looking at it and seeing the tarnished gold...
Ty
whatever. 
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