[hokarie]

just want to share this...

i am in a complicated and unexplainable relationship wid my bf ryt now..
really i cannot explain wat is going on between the 2 of us..

it comes at this stage all because of one situation that is "misundestood"....
really hard to explain the details how it started but honestly, i intended to do dat...not because i want him to go but because i want to know deeply if he really inlove with me...

it doesnt cross my mind that one day it will be the reason that our relationship will getting worst like this....

basically, we are still together, but our situation is different of wat we had before.

all i want to know is wat i have to do so i can bring him back again..i just dont know y he have to make some actions or moves showing that he dont want me anymore...

is der anyone out der tell me wat i should do???

[Guest]

Your main question is "does he really need some space?"

Apparently I take it this is what he has told you I gather.

Seems like I've seen this quite abit on forums with relationships but I'm sure it's been a issue gotten worse in the last several decades perhaps longer.

Men appear to make this statement more, maybe I'm wrong but there's a couple of things that he could be going thru.

1 - He, in the beginning of the relationship really felt deeply for you but as it grew into a more serious state he gets cold feet because he's not really sure if he wants it to go where it's going. He understands it will take real commitment. So, now he's wanting to try and figure out if that's what he really wants to do.

2 - He just flat out don't want to let it go any further but he's coping out by saying that so he doesn't totally lose you. He could want so called best of both worlds, not really committed so he can roam free and have the benefits that come with your part time relationship.

He could be saying and doing things to spare you from any more hurt but it could be dying a slow death on your part do to your sorrow.

My opinion - Let him have his space, let him know you care which no doubt he knows that already. But, let him know you are not hanging around forever to wait on him. It is extremely hard when you love someone but you need to show that you are not overly charged by the fact he's not as close to you anymore and play hard to get so to speak.

If you are wanting to marry him you are going to self inflict your pain by staying around and waiting, waiting, waiting too long.

How long do you wait and what can you do in the mean time? When you do get together just be yourself and continue to let him know you still care for him. You don't have to tell him just show it. Time is totally up to you. I would think anything up to a yr is plenty long and some would say it's way too long. I mean how much space does a man need to fiq things out like that. My self If I was wanting to fiq that out I would work hard on it so i could get on with whatever I needed to do. People that put a relationship on the back burner or hold up a one time possible marriage for a long period of time makes me wonder if they are really working at making the decision.

You could call it off altogether and work at keeping your life together so you can continue to move on if it all falls thru. You will have to get tough so to speak, otherwise the pain will seem unbearable.

Sometimes a man doesn't know what he's lost until he's really lost it! That could be what wins him back.

I'm sure the ladies here can give better suggestions! Good Luck!

[Ashlee T.]

Sounds like you're trying to "test" his love for you......but in reality you may be pushing him away. You said you intended to do it, because u want to see how deeply he loves you. But love is not about passing your tests. Your pushing him to see if he'll leave, and if you're not careful he'll realize that he can be more relaxed and happy when you're not around. No one wants to be purposely pushed and tested by someone they care about. It's like taking an exam for school...can be quite stressful right? And I'm pretty sure that's not how you want to make him feel. He may love you...but this behavior may be hindering him from allowing himself to feel anything deeper for you.

I don't know what his actions are, so I don't want to seem that I'm placing all the "blame" on you.

[hokarie]

Your main question is "does he really need some space?"

Apparently I take it this is what he has told you I gather.

Seems like I've seen this quite abit on forums with relationships but I'm sure it's been a issue gotten worse in the last several decades perhaps longer.

Men appear to make this statement more, maybe I'm wrong but there's a couple of things that he could be going thru.

1 - He, in the beginning of the relationship really felt deeply for you but as it grew into a more serious state he gets cold feet because he's not really sure if he wants it to go where it's going. He understands it will take real commitment. So, now he's wanting to try and figure out if that's what he really wants to do.

2 - He just flat out don't want to let it go any further but he's coping out by saying that so he doesn't totally lose you. He could want so called best of both worlds, not really committed so he can roam free and have the benefits that come with your part time relationship.

He could be saying and doing things to spare you from any more hurt but it could be dying a slow death on your part do to your sorrow.

My opinion - Let him have his space, let him know you care which no doubt he knows that already. But, let him know you are not hanging around forever to wait on him. It is extremely hard when you love someone but you need to show that you are not overly charged by the fact he's not as close to you anymore and play hard to get so to speak.

If you are wanting to marry him you are going to self inflict your pain by staying around and waiting, waiting, waiting too long.

How long do you wait and what can you do in the mean time? When you do get together just be yourself and continue to let him know you still care for him. You don't have to tell him just show it. Time is totally up to you. I would think anything up to a yr is plenty long and some would say it's way too long. I mean how much space does a man need to fiq things out like that. My self If I was wanting to fiq that out I would work hard on it so i could get on with whatever I needed to do. People that put a relationship on the back burner or hold up a one time possible marriage for a long period of time makes me wonder if they are really working at making the decision.

You could call it off altogether and work at keeping your life together so you can continue to move on if it all falls thru. You will have to get tough so to speak, otherwise the pain will seem unbearable.

Sometimes a man doesn't know what he's lost until he's really lost it! That could be what wins him back.

I'm sure the ladies here can give better suggestions! Good Luck!

i think you really see things through..
as i've read ur comment i realize that all you've wrote is correct and match in a situation we have right now...

may be ur ryt, he doesnt know what he's lost until he's really lost it..so better to give him the space he wanted and let time tells if he still worth to be loved..

in my part its hard to accept but i think i dont have choice..


-------need some caress-----

[hokarie]

Sounds like you're trying to "test" his love for you......but in reality you may be pushing him away. You said you intended to do it, because u want to see how deeply he loves you. But love is not about passing your tests. Your pushing him to see if he'll leave, and if you're not careful he'll realize that he can be more relaxed and happy when you're not around. No one wants to be purposely pushed and tested by someone they care about. It's like taking an exam for school...can be quite stressful right? And I'm pretty sure that's not how you want to make him feel. He may love you...but this behavior may be hindering him from allowing himself to feel anything deeper for you.

I don't know what his actions are, so I don't want to seem that I'm placing all the "blame" on you.

yeah ur ryt...i tried to "test" him..but it doesnt work,instead it will lead only to the worst things that could happen...

instead of getting him closer i just pushed him awy....so far away dat i cant get him back again....

so sad but true...and i just blame myself for doing all this things..

i am really hurt...really broken..

dont know how and wer to start all over again..

can u tell me how?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I assume you met him, having come over to the USA to work..

How long have you been going out with him for.

Did he move in with you or you with him?

Are you happy in the USA or do you feel lost?

Do you stay in touch with your family?

Have you made any friends?

I ask this because you seem to really want to know that you are loved and I am wondering if you are also home sick for your family, life, friends, or whether you want to marry and stay in the USA and never go back home.

CW

[Guest]

I ask this because you seem to really want to know that you are loved and I am wondering if you are also home sick for your family, life, friends, or whether you want to marry and stay in the USA and never go back home.CW

I have the same questions about you.

BD and I had different outlooks about your situation but yet you agreed to both of the circumstance we tho't you were in.

So now I'm wondering what is really going on here, because you have kind of contradicted yourself, ok, so lets make this clearer if you can. Open up to us so we can see the real picture, not a clouded sky! OK? that's the only way we can help if we can help at all, do you understand. Tell it like it really is. Tell us the the whole story. Too many times, myself included, we start off with a partial story because we are insecure about opening up to people but you can open up to us, trust me! So let it all hang out!

[Ashlee T.]

In Need - perhaps she does purposely push him away, but at the same time, doesn't feel like he gives her the attention and love she wants. Can't a girl have both? haha. And perhaps she agrees with you that maybe if he loses her, he'll realize what he's lost and come back and give her the attention that she wants.

Hokarie - My only suggestion is to talk to him and tell him why you've been behaving this way. But part of me feels like you want this because you need to feel wanted......it's not necessarily HIM that you want...you just need to feel wanted by someone. Maybe so?

[Guest]

Ok, lets let her tell what she feels, In-Deed!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There is no right or wrong, and people have their own opinions and thoughts, so let the threader state how she really feels..