[curiousgirl]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 months now... I've recently moved in with him, and things have been pretty great, up until last weekend... i decided to go back to my moms for the weekend and let my boyfriend have a litle space Friday night. ... well he picked me back up on saturday, and one of the first things he said to me was "i need to tell you something and im not sure if you're going to get mad, but i really need to get it off my chest."... well turns out, Friday night he went to the local bar and ran into one of his old buddies. they ended up meeting two girls, one who supposibly has a boyfriend, and the other one is single. well my boyfriends buddy wants to hook up with the single girl. So for some reason, my boyfriend ends up going back to this girls place with his buddy, and the two girls. he never got into detail, but promised me that he didn't do anything, and that he slept in a single bed by himself. ... i told him i was a little upset, that that was something that was wrong. but i seemed to get over it pretty quickly. i don't know if i'm in denial, if i don't trust him. maybe i'm afraid of losing him and that's why i just seemed to blow the whole situation off. It's been eating my brain for the past week, how do i just bring it up and ask him for all the detials without making assumptions??
i know i have trust issues from previous boyfriends... but i don't know... what do you think??

also i should mention that when him and i first got together he had a girlfriend, and didn't end up breaking up with her until almost two weeks after the first time he slept with me. ...

ADVICE!!!!

[Hopeless Dork]

This is tricky. Two scenerio possibilities come to mind.

1. He could be telling you because its the truth, and he wants to share everything with you and risked upsetting you even though he didn't do anything wrong.

2. He did something, is worried you may find out and wanted to save face by making up an excuse that would cover him if anything about the incident came out later.

I guess you have to ask yourself where you draw the line at him doing something innappropriate. Was that line crossed when he slept at a girls house, even innocently? Did he have a valid reason for not going back and sleeping at his own place? Is that something you would be okay with, him sleeping (even platonically) at another females home?

To me, that alone warrents discussion if it made you feel bad. How would he feel if you did the same? But again it depends on where you personally draw the line and consider cheating.

You will never trully know what went on in that apartment, you will have to decide to believe him and move on (cautiously if this type of scenerio happens frequently). Someone said it best in another similiar thread "Either trust him or you don't trust". If you do, let it go and don't let it eat you up inside. Tell him you would not want him to do it again and to find his way home if he can if a similiar situation arised in the future (if you didn't like that).

I can understand your wanting to sweep it under the rug, but the fact your posting here and still dealing with the emotions from it just proves the point that these type of feelings are so hard to wipe away. The impact of trust problems in past relationships do rear their ugly heads and you have to be careful to treat him as an individual and just him on his actions, not the actions of ex's. That is not to say however that you should forget past lessons.

If you love him and this was an isolated incident, that is one thing. If he has a pattern of behavior that is leading you to feel he may be cheating for other reasons is another.

This probably isn't so helpful as there is no easy answer, if he's a good guy and you love him and everything else in the past and continuing forward is him being trustworthy , you could likely get passed this with a little time and a little understanding on his part.

[Guest]

"also i should mention that when him and i first got together he had a girlfriend, and didn't end up breaking up with her until almost two weeks after the first time he slept with me. ..."

THAT statement alone scares me. because he doesn't care about the other girl's feelings to break it off with her before he gets into bed with you.

.....imo that's just wrong on his part. You need to be careful; because living with someone will definitely tell you if you guys are cut out for each other or not. If what he did is bothering you this much and for this long...(a couple of days is long enough, let alone a week) then you should talk to him about it. GO WITH YOUR GUT



<3

[sassie]

My thoughts are to go with your gut as someone else stated already as since the way your relationship started anything is possible. Usually they say when women think there is something more there usually is more not always but you know what I mean. Good Luck

[Karma3]

I can understand why you are doubtful and questioning his actions. I have also been in a similar situation. Coming out and telling the truth as to where he was and who he was with is being honest with you, but are there ommissions? You mentioned that they were at the "local" bar and they ended up going back to this girls house and sleeping there. I would be inquiring why he slept there, just because his friend slept there doesn't mean that that was his only option as well. Your boyfriend willingly went there, he willingly was at this girls house with 2 guys and 2 girls, he willingly at some point walked to the spare room and slept in the single bed choosing to stay over night (he didn't just pass out on the couch, wake up and say Oh ****, I gotta go). The questions that are going thru your mind are the exact same questions that would be going thru his mind had you done the same thing. I would be following up on his story, and maybe hit that local bar on friday night with him to see if the two girls return to the bar in hopes that they may have a repeat of the previous friday night. Just a thought.....

[curiousgirl]

thank you guys so much for your feedback. it's helps a lot to have other people comment on what is going on, rather then your friends. you all have very good advice, but my one problem now is how do i discuss it again. i haven't talked to him about it at all since that weekend, how do i just randomly bring it up again, when in his mind, things have been great. Do I just randomly mention it?? do you think he'll think i'm accusing him of something if i just start talking about it again...

<3

[Hopeless Dork]

As long as you bring it up in a non accusing way, just a quiet time when you are guys relaxing together I'd say something like 'you know something has been bothering me a little bit, why did you decide to sleep there last weekend?'

Whatever excuse he throws at you true or not will give you the opportunity to talk about how something like that makes you feel. Honesty, its worth it. Once he knows how it makes you feel, if he chooses to do something like this again he wouldnt be able to say he didn't think you'd mind or anything like that.

You don't need or want to start a fight, but in a relationship you should be able to talk about how things make you feel without it starting one. Just watch your tone and don't come across attacking, simply gently getting something off your chest will help you get over it. Holding on to it will lead to it popping up at some other point when you are less level headed about it.

[Karma3]

You could always ask your bf "is buddy and this single girl now an item?" or something along that line....since he did say that buddy was pursuing her. The evening sounded like he was accommodating his friend and this girl he was pursuing so what's wrong with asking how they're making out with hooking up? Remember, if there was nothing going on with bf he shouldn't mind you asking questions. Then while your on the topic, you could tell him how you weren't OK with how the situation ended up and how it made you feel hearing that from him. Do you ever get together with this buddy of his? Maybe when he comes over you could ask him yourself how this new girl in his life is doing.

[sassie]

From my own experiences I think it best to just bring it up in the open don't try and trick him in to telling you something as it will just end badly. I am learning myself that a good relationship means communication and without it you have nothing, no love, no happiness and really nobody to share your hopes and dreams with. Since you and your boyfriend have only been together for a short time don't you think you should be honest and upfront about how you feel and whats upsetting you? Tell him or one day you will just blow up and you will not be able to hold it in and he will not no where you are coming from. Honest and communication are the keys to a successful relationship take it from someone who is learning how to put the important pieces of the puzzel back together to make it a whole again. Do it now before it's too late

Good Luck

[sassie]

So thought I would drop in and say hello and see if you made up your mind and talking with the boyfriend and if so how did it go? Or maybe your still trying to figure out how to talk to him. If so just be yourself and remember if you thinking there is something more to his story maybe there is but it doesn't mean the part you don't know is bad maybe he just forgot to mention something as he didn't think it was important. Well Angel hope things go well for you. Best of luck and hey remember the site is hear when you need a friend.