[Jen86]

Ok, so i know the story about being a home recker and that is not me, but there has been thing guy i have been talking to for months now. We are good friends but we both want more. He has been married for about 3 months now and is not happy. All his wife and him do is fight and she tries to control him. He is always on the phone with me or texting me. Last month we spent a week together and it was amazingly perfect. When we are on the phone we are on for hours, we can sit there and not say a word and both be perfectly happy. And we talk about anything and everything. He is an amazing guy and deserves to be treated better than he is by his wife. I really dont know what to do becasue we are falling for each other but i am falling harder. I know he is married and i keep telling him he needs to try and work it out with his wife. And he listens but he still comes back to me everynight and we are then again on the phone together.

I really dont know what to do...i keep telling myself not to call him and i dont but he ends up calling me and i ignore his calls and he keeps calling to mak sure im ok and everything is ok. I have a 4yr old son who he loves, i have not intorducted them because i dont want my son getting attached.


Please can anyone give me some advice?? I am not being a home recker becasue i am not the type to just barge in and take him. I could if i wanted to but i have a heart and i cant do it.

[mewhenim]

Thats hard hun. It's really going to be up to him. He is the one who needs to figure out what he wants to do, who he wants to be with and if he can do that to his wife. Although she doesn't know yet, he's already causing plenty of dammage. If he's doing that to his wife he doesn't love her. On the other hand, whos's to say in a years time it won't be the next girlfriend on here asking the same questions. He can't have it both ways, and needs to man up and make a decision.

[WildChild]

Let's get this straight:
You've been talking to him for months
He's been married for 3 months
You spent an "amazingly perfect" week, last month with this newly married man
He "loves" your son
He and your son haven't met
He texts you and spends hours on the phone with you every day but He deserves better from his Wife???
He's just great and wonderful
You aren't a home wrecker.

Just remember that what he and you are doing to his poor wife. What does his wife try to 'control'? His unending conversations with you? His perfect weeks with someone else?

THINK about this!!
What Are You Doing???

I've been screwed around on and let me tell you -IT HURTS!!
My last marriage was in part poisoned by his inability to get past that his first wife had an affair(s), the relationship I was in recently was siderailed in large part by the same thing. You are doing something very emotionally damaging! Something that many people never get over the hurt from, and then carry through their lives just spreading it around on to everyone they get involved with because they are bitter and can't trust fully.

Even if you haven't had a physical relationship, you are involved and more than freinds, it's affecting his marriage and it's not a positive thing.
You want to know what to do?
END IT NOW.
COMPLETELY.
NO MORE,
BLOCK HIS NUMBER.
The end.
Finis

[Hopeless Dork]

If you are basing your opinion of whether or not his wife is worthy of him, you have to ask yourself why he married her in the first place? If he talks bad about her, and that is what you are basing your opinion on you have to know that he might not be giving you an accurate depiction of their marriage problems. He is looking for sympathy from you, hes of course going to make it sound like he is all good and she is all bad. Plus he needs to justify to himself why he is having this affair in the first place.

You start your post with saying your not a homewrecker, sorry but it is indeed by definition what you are. You are enabling a man to wimp out on his marriage vows rather than work on his marriage - or decide to divorce. You are enabling him to break those vows all the while keep his marriage and his cookies on the side.

Step back and read what you wrote, read it like it wasn't you that wrote it, read it like it was some woman dating your dad, your married brother or your best friends husband, or even your own. Wouldn't you want to plead with her to back away, to tell the man he needs to either come clean and leave his wife, or go back to her and work it out. That just being there for this man at his beck and call for him to cheat is serving no one.

[Little]

You only know what he tells you about her. And human beings lie like dogs to get what they want.
It's not that hard to sign divorce papers. Maybe he should think about it.
I have seen men who do exactly the same thing to their new girls they did to their last one. It takes BIG change that THEY want to make for it not to happen again.

[Jen86]

Ok first, his wife is in a different state than he is, she is in pa and he is in ga. So its not like she is trying to control the take we have nor the friendship we have. She knows nothing of it. And when he talks to her on the phone i am also on the phone with him. She has cheated on him 3 times in the past and i know that is no excuse for him to do the same but he has a hard time trusting her. And lately he had been feeling she is still cheating on him with the same man from before. He confronted her and all she said was how did you find out. So with the point being said that i am just barging in trying to take her place is not it.

From the beginning when i first met him they were having problems, she is trying to be the man in the relationship. He can not change that in her. As time has passed i see the way she treats him and he still respects her and treats her like she is not treating him like . He deserves better.

I have come to the point where i have stopped talking to him less and when i do talk to him now it feels weird. I feel like i am losing him because i told him i am backing down and that he really has to think about what he wants.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I know your getting a hard time here, I guess, people really want to basically say NO, DON'T GO THERE...

You yourself know that too.

But, ok so you are saying that when he talks to his wife, on the phone, you are there? So you know for a fact what is going on?

And, how do you know she cheated? Because he said so? You don't know her right?

I just see; -

He married her
He married her only 3 months ago
He is saying that he needs you basically and so you are there


I don't think it adds up.

Do you want to let us know "how" you know all of this?

Irrespective, if he "cheats" with you, he will "cheat on you"... and 12 weeks married? And, associating himself with you in this regard?

That's not a good foundation for you to even consider, as future goes, even if you wait for him to leave her.

CW

[Hopeless Dork]

I don't want to tell you what is obvious about this man, you have to see it. He lets you eavesdrop in on conversations with his wife? That is such a huge breach of trust, and down right disrespectful to BOTH of you.

She tries to be the "man" in the relationship? What does that even mean? You do realize that most of the people are saying back out, not for him, not for her, but for you. Their marriage is toast, obviously. 3 months married, not living in the same state, he says she cheated, he is cheating. Hes letting women listen to him argue with his wife without her knowlege. They are done, only she doesn't know it yet.

So its not about backing out to save their marriage, but backing out to save you the same grief. What are the qualities about this man that have made you fall in love? No offense but he comes off pretty much like a jerk. Greedy, deceptive and with little conscience. Before you get yourself intertwined further, you should really be making a list and checking it twice, you have a kid - you've already said you don't want to introduce because you don't know where the relationship is headed etc.

He's not exactly good role model material unless he is a saint in all other areas besides fidelity and respect. *shrugs*

[Karma3]

How did you meet this guy? You say you have been "talking" to him for months now...do you mean you met him online? I think you are getting caught up in the "fantasy" of all this. You say he loves your 4 year old...but he's never met him...so is this guy actually telling you things that YOU want to hear? If things were that bad between him and his wife, he would never have met her at the alter. Maybe he's having a hard time transitioning himself into married life. If he is sitting on the phone talking to you for hours at night, I would be pretty bitter too if I was his wife! Of course he's going to tell you that SHE'S the bad guy. You also mention that he deserves better....how do YOU know that? This guy could be a con artist for all you know! I also agree with all of the other posts, if he can do this to his wife, he will eventually do this to you. This guy can't be trusted. Stop listening to your heart and start listening with your HEAD.

[ThexMrs]

Let's get this straight:
You've been talking to him for months
He's been married for 3 months
You spent an "amazingly perfect" week, last month with this newly married man
He "loves" your son
He and your son haven't met
He texts you and spends hours on the phone with you every day but He deserves better from his Wife???
He's just great and wonderful
You aren't a home wrecker.

Just remember that what he and you are doing to his poor wife. What does his wife try to 'control'? His unending conversations with you? His perfect weeks with someone else?

THINK about this!!
What Are You Doing???

I've been screwed around on and let me tell you -IT HURTS!!
My last marriage was in part poisoned by his inability to get past that his first wife had an affair(s), the relationship I was in recently was siderailed in large part by the same thing. You are doing something very emotionally damaging! Something that many people never get over the hurt from, and then carry through their lives just spreading it around on to everyone they get involved with because they are bitter and can't trust fully.

Even if you haven't had a physical relationship, you are involved and more than freinds, it's affecting his marriage and it's not a positive thing.
You want to know what to do?
END IT NOW.
COMPLETELY.
NO MORE,
BLOCK HIS NUMBER.
The end.
Finis

PERFECTO! I couldn't have said it better.