[Ashlee T.]

I'm sure if you've read some of my recent posts, you know that I've been dating a new guy for about 2 months. The way we met was sweet...he's different than other guys I've dated as he doesn't portray himself as cocky or arrogant. Anywho, I'm a very independant woman and I find it hard sometimes to allow someone else in my life to any serious extent. But I want to...I just feel that meeting the right person with the right chemistry will help to remove that. So...this guy...super sweet, seemingly somewhat naive, seemed to want to get serious with me very quickly. I let things progress to some extent but made my intentions clear that I would not jump into a relationship.

4 times in the past 2 months he has brought up the "so what are we now?" conversation.....the first time only about 2 weeks after we started dating. Each time I have said basically, "we are what we are...no more no less....I don't feel the need to label us, and if u do....call us whatever you'd like."

So Thursday, after spending my day looking forward to seeing him he was unable to come over for legitimate reasons. After texting back and forth a bit, he starts talking about how he is falling for me but is hesitant about my wilingness to commit...etc etc. I had had it at that point. I'd let all the other times slide thinking "maybe he just needs some reassurance". But this time...AGAIN?! So I got angry, chose not to text with him until he decided to actually call. When he called, we talked about it.I told him I thought his behavior was immature...he said that after hearing me talk about it, he agreed that it was immature and apologized.

But see...the apology doesn't change the fact that it has become an issue...he has made it an issue. So now it's in my mind...that my desire to freely flow along with this and see what happens is being stifled and pressured. And frankly it has made me lose interest. I'm trying for it not to, but it seems to be though I'm fighting it.

So being as we haven't seen each other since Tuesday, I knew he'd want to see me when he got home tonight. I thought "okay....lets just go with the flow and see how this goes". Then he texts me this morning, obviously not meant for me, (i assume to a guy friend) talking about this particular Dancing with the Stars girl. Then he wouldn't acknowledge that it wasn't meant for me and when I said "I wouldn't have pegged you for a Dancing with the Stars type of guy", he insisted "Oh yeah, I'm really into it. She's very talented." Hmm okay. Then I remembered on his myspace page he mentions this same celebrity. So I thought "Geez...am I dating a 6th grader?". Now keep in mind, he is 24...lives on his own, works, and is seemingly mature in many ways.

Am I being too harsh? Is this just normal stuff that I'm overreacting to? Yikes...it's driving me crazy.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Do you believe that you can form a relationship of some sorts for 8 weeks and for it not to become something?

It's only natural he wants to know where he is going with this, or else move on to what he wants, a relationship.

You are either friends, or in a relationship at the end of the day...

So, at this point you need to decide, to give it a proper go and see where it goes, or not.

The guys doesn't know if he's Arthur or Matha haha.. seriously...

CW

[Ashlee T.]

I ask him to come around, tell him I want to see him, include him in with my friends (which I NEVER do), have offered to meet his family, talk to him daily, had a romantic vday with him, told him I was crazy about him. Is that not enough? Don't actions speak louder than words.....especially after 2 months?

Each time it has come up, I've told him my "feelings", that I like him, that I would like to "go with the flow" and see where it takes us....but its as if he's not happy unless I say "hey will you be my boyfriend?".

Why must I be forced into giving him a verbal label so that his friends know where we stand? So that then there is this little box I am placed in because I am then "his girlfriend". I even mentioned to him that I felt as though he should just hike his leg and pee on me (not literally, just incase Sinister Urge is reading. lol) because I feel like his main interest is marking his territory. It is as though each time I start to think "Hmm okay, no drama, things are going good....." he comes off with some sort of insecurity thing that I have to deal with. Then we end up having a "discussion" about his feelings, which result in him agreeing with me (whether he truly does or not) and telling me everything is fine.......only for it to come up again.

Why aren't my actions enough?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Cause your a tough beach..... And, he's in-secure.

Damd, you didn't mention you said you were crazy about him, offered to meet family etc... grrr.

Well, you have said you are in a relationship simple.... Maybe it's the sex? Maybe he is asking that you are boyfriend and girlfriend because that means sex?

To him?

CW

[Ashlee T.]

Well I was trying to get the summary of the story in there....I could've typed a book. haha.

I think it's more the claiming of territory as guys tend to want to do. You know, "she's MINE!" type thing. I've told him that I am no ones territory and I prefer to keep things on a go with the flow basis to eliminate unnecessary drama. But it's not working. :|

Tonight, he was having dinner with his newly engaged friend and some other guys that will be in the wedding. He'd ask me if he could see me afterwards. I said yes. 3 hrs after they were supposed to start dinner, he texts me and says he's still there bla bla bla. 2 more hours pass, he texts that they ended up deciding to go to a movie and he's just getting home. I kept my cool though aggravated. He then started the frowny face text messages etc and the "I miss you" "I want to c u" and "I'm sorry it's so late...I had to be there". So I responded, "The time is not a problem, and I totally understand you needing to be there, but you could've sent me a quick text between dinner and movie so I wouldn't be expecting you and could've made other plans..." His response was that he is sorry and has a lot to learn.

Nice huh.

[sourpuss]

Sounds like he's a tad inexperienced in the relationship department. It also sounds like he's been burned in the past. Maybe just try being a bit more patient and see where it goes. He doesn't sound like a bad guy.

[Pavement]

I would have to agree with the previous comment that he's an inexperienced dater. There might also be the possibility that he was in a rough relationship in the past and he needs to feel "secure" in his attempts to win over your heart. Many guys fear rejection, and perhaps the fact that he's putting himself out there is something that makes him uncomfortable.

However, the fact that you're putting yourself out there--letting him meet your friends, family, and telling him you want to see him--is definitely a good sign. It's clear that you're an independent thinker (I'm the same way), and you are comfortable without the label of a relationship, but he clearly is not.

Before I dated my current boyfriend of about a year and a half, I went through the same situation. He tried to hold my hand the first time we hung out, and I recoiled in horror because a relationship was NOT on the table at that point. After 5 months of him waiting around and proving that his interest in me was more than merely a superficial fling, I was able to put myself in the shoes of a 'taken' woman. Perhaps you need the security that he'll stick around and be something long term too; maybe it's not the thought of commitment that scares you, but the fact that it could be fleeting.

Anyways, I completely understand your position, but at the same time I understand his. Some guys just need these concepts hammered into their heads in order for them to feel secure with their relationship. Just give it time and be patient with him! He sounds like he really likes you!

[Ashlee T.]

Thanks ladies. i'm kind of hoping some guys might respond as they may be able to give an "insiders" perspective. I'm trying.....I went out with him last night, and agreed to see him tonight. He was exhausted and in no shape for company so I'm not sure why he asked me over, but all the same, I visited. He carelessly let my dog outside tonight, and he KNOWS how paranoid I am about her getting out without her leash and getting hit. He just opened the door and let her run right out along with his dog. I kept my cool but said "You better get her butt back in this house". And he finally did. lol.

I'm trying, trying to be patient. I think this guy is a good guy, a sweet person....he's not perfect and I don't expect him to be.......but ARRRRRGHHHHHH. lol

"Lord please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"!!!!!!!