[Gal]

Hey,

I am 28 years old and in live in relationship with a man who i met and got to know two years ago. Before me he had one woman who was elder to him by 9 years. Since then he can not let her go and wants me also. He is very attached to that woman and loves me also.

For the moment he will make up his mind to marry me then at other times that woman brain washes him and again he inclines towards her.

She is mature woman and he is my first man. I love him too much and I can not be without him. Other hand I can not even bear this pain for him to go out with her.

They still meet up till late night and have drinks together. They both fancy each other on bed even. My friends are telling me that he is mere using me for money and for his benefits. That woman was in relationship with a married man for seven years before him. So she will not mind having it with him even if we are married.

I dont know what to do?

[Hopeless Dork]

Well for starters, whether or not he wants to marry you should be the least of your worries. He should be the one worried about whether or not you'd agree to marry HIM, with his history of not being able to make up his mind and commit. Whatever you do, don't jump into marriage or even put that high on your to-do list with this man until he does some serious soul searching, and you fully trust him.

Since you say he teeters back and forth between the two of you, if he promised you it was off with her, I wouldn't take him at his word until much time has passed for you to see he doesnt fall back that way the first time you guys argued or get a little bored with each others company etc.

You ask what you should do, if it makes you unhappy you should ask him to stop. If he does not stop, or you think that he wont.. you have to quit worrying about what you can do to make him stop, and start thinking about why you even want to invest so much of your heart into someone that wont. Do you know what I mean? I know you love him, and feel you can't live without him.. but do the FUTURE you a favor by refusing to get deeper (as in married) involved with someone that is not quite marriage material.

[Gal]

Zapped me

your reply zapped me.

[WildChild]

Why are you living with him under the circumstances? He wants to eat his cake and have it too. Tell him he needs to make up his mind and until he does. one of you should move out. He had no business living with you unless he was certain that was where he wanted to be. Right now he has no motivation to make a clear choice.

This other woman couldn't "brain wash" him unless he was open to being swayed, your problem isn't really with her, it's with him. It doesn't sound as if either he or this other woman have any integrity. Is this what you want in your life?

[Gal]

Very true

It happened s many times, we go seperate ways and then he promises me, we get back again. In no time he changes back to his normal behavior. He tells me that as a kid someone very close to him sexually abbused him and kept on doing it. Since then he has no respect for females and he takes her revenge on others.

[WildChild]

That's a load of BS if he knows he is doing it, he can choose not to. Why would you want to be with a man who states that he has no respect for females and is taking revenge? He needs to deal with his stuff before he entwines his life with anyone elses.

[happy ending]

he sounds like a complete jerk, i am actually more interested in why you think his behaviour is all you deserve. why dont you think you are deserving of someone who is loving, loyal and true. not a dirty cheater?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

[quote=Gal;77595]It happened s many times, we go seperate ways and then he promises me, we get back again. In no time he changes back to his normal behavior. He tells me that as a kid someone very close to him sexually abbused him and kept on doing it. Since then he has no respect for females and he takes her revenge on others.[/quote Well that would make sense, if he wasn't going back over and over and over and over again with her.

Think

" I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN"

But I keep going back to the controlling woman who says, nooooooooo, you can't be with her, works her sexual magic, has him thinking she's it, cause she wants him...pfttt

Then he has you...

Sweet, loving, loyal, not a beatch, brat, and so he wants that too.

He wants BOTH...

The nasty and the nice, the Gemini.....

Can you do that?

Has she got him by the....

Will he be able to let go?

CW