[Jeni87]

here is what happen...

i been talking to this guys for the last 6 months and the first 3 months were okay but... i made the mistake to sleep with him the first night we hung out...
we kept on seen each other and i really got to like him but he only took me to a bar and not to a movie or dinner. when we saw each other it was only in his bedroom or mines. after a while i felt like he was just using me for sex.
i told him i wanted to go out with him to a movie. i told him i wasn't his booty call b/c he would text me at 3am...
he told me it wasn't like that and b/c of work he had not been able to take me anywhere... and it was t rue he had been working alot.
the reason why i kept talking to him was b/c i like who he was i always had fun with him and i could really talk to him and when he was tipsy he would tell me how he felt.

3 months after we started talking he disappear on me for two months.
i was hurt by him not even calling me and telling me what was going on.
then one day he called me and pretended like nothing had happen but he said he missed me alot.
i couldn't believe the way he was acting so i told him how i felt and that a 2 minute phone call was all he had to do but i left it go b/c i was so happy to hear form him.

after him not talking to me for two months i noticed things really change we don't talk on the phone all we do is text and i kept sleeping with him but on valentines day he took me by surprise b/c i dint think he would think of me on that day. he gave me a rose and i slept over.... after that i felt like i was falling for him... dnt know why just felt really deep.

a week later it was his birthday which i completely forgot and what was so messed up was that he had a party and he dint invite me... he said he text me about it but i never got it.. i told him i was done i was so hurt b/c he dint want me there on his birthday but he could text me at 3am telling me i miss you babe!!!

to my surprise he said "whatever.. take care!"
im so hurt by him saying that b/c i feel he just dint care.
i know it sounds like he is a jerk and that he doesn't care but at times he showed me did and i dont know what to do b/c i like him but he hasn't even tried calling me or anything....

i plan on seen him i want to see him again b/c i want to be with him one more time but at the same time i know i shouldn't its not the right thing to do.
if i don't see him i just hope that next time i see him (in the summer) i want him to see me and feel dumb for letting me go....

any advise on what i should do?

[Hopeless Dork]

Jeni, it sounds like this guy was using you and did the bare minimum to try to make it look like he wasn't (the rose, etc). This is why he did the 'whatever, take care' move.. because it would be too much effort to make you feel better, and he isn't big on effort.

We can't help who we fall for, and even if we are aware they haven't fall for us - we can fool ourselves into believing it just enough to be happy. You were not getting what you wanted from him and it doesnt sound like he is in a position to give it.

It hurts but you deserve better for yourself and be proud that you took a stand and decided you were not going to put up with being excluded from his birthday other than to possibly provide the pre-sleep orgasm.

[Jeni87]

thank you HD

thank you reading over at what i wrote and what you said made me feel better. i will not try to contact him at all n i will move on.

[Hopeless Dork]

Thanks Jeni, I know its hard to hear. Most of the time we know it deep down when someone is treating us bad. Its funny how the mind works and how we can trick ourselves into thinking its us - that we are doing something wrong and if we just fix it we can make them love us the way we do them.

The hard and painful truth is we can't. Accepting that, once done is really freeing actually because you quit picking yourself apart and second guessing every thing we do because we know that we are who we are and if they aren't head over heels in love with us for that very reason - they are not the one, and good luck to them finding it with their donkeys derrier way of treating people.

[cara1982]

Jeni,
Hey I've been there & I know how you feel. Fortunatley for me I only let one guy do this to me. When We are lonely & really like a guy we tend to blow over all the obvious. Hard to hear but it sounds like he was using you & he will continue to if you let him. I hate the single game. It's cruel & unusual (clique I know). Bit the best thing you can do is just cut him loose & completely ignore all of his attempts. It will eventually make you feel better when you don't reply & he keeps trying. Again it's not easy BUT it is defintely harder & worse for yourself to continue the way you are with him. You may not feel up to it but a girls night always helped me. Good luck!!!!!

[Jeni87]

you are right...

omg you guys are so right.... unfortunately!

im so sick an tired of it!!! but i hate been lonely... you know what i mean.
anyway im not talking to him again and this time i mean it...

i text him asking him to please return the earrings i left in his room at his house the last time i was there.... and can you believe what he said!!!?

WRONG HOUSE.. THEY ARE NOT HERE... THE EARRINGS!

what a jerk... i was shocked at his reply... i was so hurt that i started to cry.

i told him excuse me? wrong house?... wow ouch.

he never replied.

i am still hurt at what he said but its for the best b/c he dint try to contact me not once after what happen so he doesnt care and whit what he said... it really open my eyes to see how low he thinks of me... wrong house!! my but!!

the past 6-7 months it was just him just b/c i liked him so much and now i wish i would of aaah!

anyway thank you so much again and again for your support!
im so glad tere is a place where i can get advice.

[golden_nemesis]

I know exactly how you feel Jeni. Last year I got involved with a guy like that. I knew exactly what was happening, but it was just too much fun to stop myself for a while. Then I started seeing him less and less, and his behavior toward me became very detached. He would use me for food and sex, because I was willing to stop and pick up food for him on my way over. When he NEVER offered to pay me back, even after a few gentle hints, I started getting fed up. He never ever went out of his way to do anything for me. He would never invite me to do anything with his friends, or anything outside of his apartment, basically.

About the time all this was happening, I met this absolutely amazing guy who pretty much worships the ground I walk on, who was immensely excited to introduce me to all his friends and family and really make me a part of his life that I realized what an empty, sad shell of a relationship I had with Other Dude. So, I stopped talking to Other Dude as soon as I had this epiphany. Even though we had been talking pretty much every day prioor to that, he didn't even try to contact me for a week, then when he did it was to say that he was horny and could I please come meet him at his work to have sex in the parking lot. I told him where to shove it and haven't looked back.

For a while, we were using each other, and while it wasn't perfect, it was fun. But as time went on, he used me more and more for things like food and paying for movies, even though he has his own job and more money than I, and seemed less and less interested in giving me what I was wanting from him, namely sex and general physical intimacy. Basically, using has to be equal and mutual for it to work out. When it gets out of balance is when you should get out.

You are well rid of this guy. Find someone who will actually make you a part of his life, who will make sacrifices for you, and who you are more than happy to make sacrifices for in return. A relationship can be really, really good, I promise. It doesn't have to be perfect, but if the person you are with doesn't make you feel valued and important, you are in the wrong relationship. Now go out there and find yourself someone awesome!

[Guest]

Few questions... Why do you say sleeping with him the first night you hung out was a mistake? Suppose you hadn't slept with him the first night you hung out, do you think the outcome of your current situation would have been different?

[Hopeless Dork]

Neu, I think thats a good question and you know the outcome would have likely been the same. A guy thats gonna be a jerk will always be so and a totally wonderful guy will be so also, even if you sleep with them right away.

I guess from another thought though, sometimes women get more attached after sex and if you do so right away before finding out the guy is a donkey butt you might start being hooked on him anyway and try to put up with his jerky ways just because you feel you've already invested something. Not sleeping with a guy right away keeps your emotions at a safer distance while you evaluate if its worth the trouble.

[Guest]

lol Little is gonna ban my account. So long WH forums..