[AudreyByrnes]

One of my best friends may be a lesbian. I've tried confronting her but it always ends up as a joke. Today she reached her hands down my bra because she was "cold" and apparently I have warm breasts. I have nothing wrong with her being a "lesbian" but, I feel uncomfortable when she touches me like that. She also likes to chase me around my house naked. Once she started wrestling me (naked) and I felt so discombobulated at her actions and didn't know what to say. I have rather large breasts and she always touches them. One night I was very sad and she came over to cheer me up... I woke up in the middle of the night with her staring at me and my shirt off. I cannot tell her that I think this in fear of losing her.



HELP?

[golden_nemesis]

Yikes!....

just...

Yikes!

I barely have words for you honey, I am so shocked. Just because you are both girls does NOT make what she is doing ok. She is sexually harassing you. You need to put your foot down and tell her that she is not behaving as a friend should. Ask her how she would like a guy feeling her up all the time, undressing her in the middle of the night, etc.

[Hopeless Dork]

You are being a pretty tolerant and accepting friend - but what she is doing is no more acceptable than if you had a male friend who did these very things to you. Friends shouldn't invade your privacy or make you uncomfortable.

She may be lesbian, she may be bi, she may be straight and just a strange sense of humor, no matter which is the case if it is really something you are not comfy with, you are going to have to talk to her before it does end up ruining your friendship (you avoiding her when you don't feel like being fondled, etc).

She might think you actually like it or just don't take it as seriously as you do and you were right to go about it treading lightly not to hurt her feelings but you should not avoid hurting her feelings at the cost to your own discomfort. If she were a guy friend sticking his hand down your shirt to get warm you'd likely say 'seriously dude cut it out or we can't hang out' don't let the fact that she is a female make it okay for her violate your personal space in this really out there manner.

She's probably just a free spirit, and that is fine, but as your friend she should understand that you are not the same way and prefer less touching,etc. Let her know that you really care about her and don't want to lose her as a friend if it comes to it. But for now, the gentle approach would probably be ignoring her behavior, not giggling at it. If she puts her hand down your shirt, pull it out and say these aren't heating pads go get you some gloves, try easy subtle hints to gradually coming right out and telling her it makes you uneasy to be touched there if she doesn't get the hint.

[marycate]

Good grief girl, Ok this happened to me at work about a year ago, sounds to me like she is also asking for help.
What i did was to sit the young lady down and explain in VERY clear terms that her actions were NOT acceptable to me. I told her I enjoyed her company and her friendship but her action would not be repeated on me. She broke down and cried, she had been asking for help, wanted someone to respond in SOME way to bring out her thoughts in the open. We are still friends.
Good luck

[Ashlee T.]

You're a very tolerant friend I must say. Sounds like this girl is a bit confused, and is perhaps using someone she knows that loves her, to try and figure out what she wants.

My bf is bi....and after being friends with her for 13 years, she moved across the country. We became even closer. But I started to suspect things, though she was very secretive. So I waited....waited for that opportunity as to avoid insulting her by "accusing" her. And that opportunity came when she sent me an accidental text, meant for her girlfriend. At that point she couldn't deny it, and when she saw how accepting I was of it, I became the ONLY person she could talk to about it.

In your case, it sounds like she has given you EVERY opportunity to bring this up. When you've confronted her in the past and it turns into a joke......that's when you must keep the seriousness in the conversation. When she laughs and turns it into a joke, you say "I love you, but I truly have no desire to touch your body in that way, and no desire for you to touch mine in that way. I'm totally fine with you liking girls, but in order for me to accept it, you have to accept it." And then lay it out to her clearly, lesbian or not, bisexual or not, you DO NOT want her touching your body in that way....ever. And if she cannot handle that, then is she truly your friend, or just someone who has a crush on you and is using the friendship as a way to take advantage of that?

No one, girl or guy should ever touch you in a way that makes you uncomfortable. You're letting it happen, but it's no different than a guy doing this to you. There should be no double standard here.....and you must learn to stand up for yourself. You don't need friends who don't respect you.

[Guest]

Here's a few questions for you... How did she "end up" chasing you around house naked? I think you like the attention she's giving you. I'm no expert, but I've seen documentaries stating women's sexuality is more complex/flimsy than that of men.

lol I forgot to post my other question.. If you know she's a lesbian, why do you expose yourself so much to her to the point of allowing body contact?

[quote=Beautiful Disaster;79604]My bf is bi....and after being friends with her for 13 years, she moved across the country. We became even closer. But I started to suspect things, though she was very secretive. So I waited....waited for that opportunity as to avoid insulting her by "accusing" her. [quote]

Is it me or are you referring to your boyfriend (bf) as "her"?

lol i tanked the post above... wish i could edit..

[Hopeless Dork]

Jago, bf likely means best friend in the way it was used

[2boysmama]

It isn't always easy for them to come out of the closet. Make it abundantly clear to her that you are straight, but offer your shoulder to her as support while she comes out to others. Maybe she is just plain confused and is hoping that you, too, swing that way. It would prolly be easy for all lesbians to come out if they could just screw their best friend and be done with it. My best friend's sister came out to me last year...in hopes that I would help her ease it to the family. Ask her flat out if she's gay. Then help her thru the obstacles that stand in her way. Do not stand for humor....you are doing a disservice to her and yourself.

[WildChild]

You've gotten some good input here. Unwanted sexual attention is just that, it doesn't matter who it comes from. Where most men are down right phobic about a gay man approaching them, women tend to be a bit softer in their reactions to being approached by a woman but you still need to be firm. You cannot tollerate this crossing of lines and need to be firm and clear about it.