[missy369]

I have been married for over 8 years (together almost 11 yrs) and a little over a month ago my husband left me and our son. Things had been stressful and we were arguing but I felt he really loved me. He said that he wasn't happy and he just couldn't do it anymore.
I ended up finding out that he was having an affair with a girl from work and I am pretty sure that they have moved in together. He isn't trying to get back with me but he is also telling me that he isn't going to be with her either. I don't understand why he lies about being with her when he knows that I have been checking the phone records so I know he is still talking with her.
He called me yesterday to wish me a happy mother's day. All that does is confuse me because it leads me to believe that he still cares about me.
Is it likely that his relationship with this other girl will last?? Who moves in with someone right after they have left home?? I am so confused

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You said that the marriage was stressful.

And, that you checked his phone records.

And, that you were arguing alot.

No matter how much love someone has for someone, they can be pushed over the edge, and choose the more "peaceful life".

This girl, can't add stress to his life "yet"... It's all new..

Guilt probably regarding Mother's Day, as well as obviously love but how deep is that love?

You would have to elaborate on the arguing and what over, and the day to day life, stresses, it's possible he just couldn't handle it anymore.

Not an excuse because, he cheated, and then he chose the easy way out, and that's so wrong..

Checking on things means you don't trust him and rightly so, based on what you are saying happened.

You deserve a relationship where there is no agruing there is always going to be stress, and there is no necessity to check up or even think like that don't you?

All chapters are of time... more than likely he will have to close another one in the near future, it won't be what he expected.

But you have the opportunity to see your chapter as the last chapter of the book, it's closed.. And, move into the Romantic section of the book store for along lasting happy relationship.

CW

[Favored]

Wow...11 years and you just walk out like that? No counseling, or nothing. I think I would rather him stay gone. It will hurt but you have to be strong for your son right now.

[kms]

^ My guess is there was a lot leading up to this point (and she didn't say that they never went to counseling or sought help), but perhaps missy369 didn't want to see it, or didn't look at what the reality of the possible outcomes of their problems might be.

Sure it makes sense to move in with someone just after walking out on someone else. My guess is that things have been bad (on his side at least) for a long time, and meeting this new girl was what gave him the 'courage' to walk out. Perhaps he stayed so long only because he couldn't imagine anything better... not saying this is truly 'better', because a long relationship with much invested in it is much different than the highly emotional, hormonal, and unrealistic onset of a new relationship. So as you said, he had an affair and was already comfortable enough with this girl to move in with her. Makes sense to be able to cut costs of moving out and spending a lot on the expenses of living alone.

And wishing you happy mother's day makes sense; he cares about you as the mother of his child. Mother's day isn't a romantic day, so he's not expressing his desire to get back with you or anything. Plus if I were in his shoes, I would definitely make sure I tried to be as considerate as possible if I'd just walked out on an 8-year commitment with a child involved!

Despite how good or how bad the relationship might have been, it is very difficult losing someone who was such an integral part of your life for that long of a time. Not to mention sharing the experience of having a child with them... seems unimaginable. Nevertheless, the best thing is to really be honest with yourself and analyze what went wrong and what you yourself did to contribute to the destruction of your relationship... and then what steps can you take to improving yourself and making things better for the next time. The best way to deal with life's hardships are to try to learn as much as we can from them and make the most out of each experience. Turn each tragedy into a lesson.

[mummyof2]

Missy 369...pretty much the exact same thing happened to me and my 2 kids. my fiance of 5 years left me and our 4 month old baby and 4 year old daughter just outta the blue no warning wat so ever. He also had been very friendly with a girl he worked with and told me that he wasnt leaving me for her yadda yadda yadda, he did end up being with her and he still is and its 12 months later. I know u probly dont wanna hear that but he to done the same thing to me with the emotional stuff... he still does it now he gets jelous about little things i do and i think really why do u care? i often think he does stil love me deep deep down and that he regrets wat he done but i dont know if its just mayb wishful thinkin or if it is the case i dont know. it is hard isnt it.... dunno if that helped you really, but im glad to know that im not the only one that is/has gone through this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Who moves in with someone right after they have left home??

He said that he wasn't happy and he just couldn't do it anymore.

He isn't trying to get back with me but he is also telling me that he isn't going to be with her either. I don't understand why he lies about being with her when he knows that I have been checking the phone records so I know he is still talking with her.

I am hoping you set your emails to recieving when someone posts.

What has occured since?

Can you come back and tell us?

I was just thinking outloud and then highlighted.

You caught him out, he needs you not to think about Divorce, do you maybe feel as you have a child, or children and I am sorry, do you think that maybe he is worried about you taking him financially over all of this?

He is backtracking ( and I missed that, that being that he stated " Oh but i don't intend to be with her), can't believe i missed that, and I am sorry...

CW