[mzhk]

It's been nearly 3 years , the pictures has faded into the mist of time like a bad nightmare from a horror movie. But every so often? I still have bits of flash backs of all of it. I thought I could get over but then something stupid always happens then it would replay in my head all over again. Expectually today doctor's told me I have HSP1. Last time he thought I had hsp 2 but I never saw any blisters. Today I finally found the biggest ugliest bump on the side of my upper lip. My lips are so swollen that it makes angelina jolie's looks look thin. The thing is? I've had many opportunities to upgrade in the men department. But I never could bring myself to another relationship or even a lustful fling ( even though I've had a whole lot of help from friends telling me that life is short live a little ).

Now, with the thought of stds? I know hsp 1 or 2 isn't as bad as hiv or chymida or whatever what not. But having germs inside my body like hsp makes me feel so dirty not in a good way. That so called relationship was my first everything. Someone told me that after you knock it up down the streets a few times after the next breakup you won't feel pain anymore. But doing stuff like that makes me feel like I'm degrading myself. I guess what Im trying to say is I feel " used and abused ".. That s.o.b cheated on me then begged for me to take him back. when I thought i had finally wiped out every ounce that could remind me of him? std here and std there. Every night Id pray that it was a medical error ( blood test). But as I'm ranting right now? My lip is swollen with white bumps.............

what can i do? ive seen many therapists it doesnt work. All the ones in my town wants to do is to forse feed me pills. I dont want pills............ive had enough............

[CHANDLERS WISH]

mzhk..

I feel your pain , I heard it... It was written.

The bad news? Is you felt some form of mistrust right from word go...

The good news? It's not a death sentance...

The tricky part? Is how do you tell your next boyfriend?

THERE, I am going to say speak to your Doctor regarding what you can now, transfer and what you cant.

My heart goes out to you, we as Young one's trust, your story is for those that need to learn, which is hard for you, but reality.

Your story says, no condom, no protection, even Oral without intercourse, what ever? It can happen... There are so many threads of " we don't use protection am I pregnant? But the reality is? there are threads in this nature but not as honest, which is the result is it not of the first question?

Is there a reality of this pain?

I will say this to you.

I am 46 in June, 19th actually, and I am lucky....

WHY?

Because at your age my boyfriend, first love ran around Sally, he got Herpies, I didn't, he slept with outhers, they did.. Phew.....

I trusted him then I was 17.............

As you did, have......

Lesson? When someone loves you they love you, warts and all..

What this guy did? Has no shame, no pity, no HOPE... No one will want him, it is percieved by a lady that he cheated, slept around... He's stuffed.

You are a VICTIM... Remember that. and the right guy doesn't care as long as he knows how to do, and what to expect, he's cool.

Always those whom don't understand never will.

First love, find out...................so what happens when i have sex, should I do, this or that?

Then get on your way to enjoy your life, cause man, everyone has issues, and when someone loves you they accept, as I said warts and all.

Please also have no contact with this silly "child" of a man, but understand he hasn't ruined your life, it's not a killler,

[mzhk]

cw

Thanks for the thought. AHH? My story? Nothin great to be going to tell anyone. My exact words from the beginning of that ending? " I will deny deny until the day that I die because to me it doesn't count" ...huh? What oral? It wasn't plannned nor was I drunk in anyway to purposely do this to myself. All my friends referred to it as " rape ". I still can't. It very much felt forsed upon though. But I couldnt go through with the charges because in the back of my mind all of it felt like an embrassment. After all that venting and crying I had let go that " he ever happend ". Then doctor thought an ingrown hair in the gential area was hsp 2. I can't believe after 3 bloody years now my lip swells showing herpes 1 ..........im sick with cold/flu symptoms right now but i know im not sick sick with a cold.... im scared to leave the housel.

as for contacting??? After all of those many attempts to tell the man to ........., i dont want anything to do with you,all my tears has dried for you. dont call me dont bother me . etc" I got pride too you know.....ll.i wouldnt calll him. I blocked/deleted every ounce of contact. s.o.b only texted me once but that was nearly two years ago. From what I heard he conned his way into this richgirls heart and their married so i doubt he'll contact me.

ps : i donno if a decant and single one is left.................all i can do is pray that a cure comes a long b4 im 30 yrs old..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It very much felt forsed upon though. But I couldnt go through with the charges because in the back of my mind all of it felt like an embrassment. After all that venting and crying I had let go that " he ever happend "

Well sometimes Therapy doesn't work, generally because of your reason... You don't want medication, they want you to jump past the depression.

Talking helps... that's not drugs, if you don't want to go down that path at this stage, but you need something, you need to vent, talk about it, tell your story.

Have you ever thought about writing down how you feel?

And, once you've written the whole thing out, burning and it saying "your gone".

The thing is, we all have had something bad that has happened in our lives.

You need to realise and acknowledge that it wasn't "your" fault... and let it go.

Why not use this thread to tell the story and when you feel like it add to it?

Vent it all out...

CW

[mzhk]

cw

I know therapy doesn't help talking it out doesn't change much nor having doctor hound on me about taking pills. I took them off and on for the longest time those anti depressants doesn't do much except make me fat. Well, I thought I got better with the few incounters with few ( mr. Maybe's ) I never took them up for it but having someone remind me that it wasn't me that was wrong it was all him kinda made me feel better. I was fine then all of the sudden the doctor is writing std on my chart file making me all crazy feelings again. I was hopeing in this thread someone could give me tips on a short cut??? I did that whole burning thing burnt a bunch of stuff ............i nearly forgotten it all then 3 days ago my lips urgh then the doc

( shaking my head * ) CW, I am curious why is being a woman so tough?? Men i noticed dont have that emotional gene in them. They take break ups super easy and they have stds , go give it around acting like its nothing............we're always the sad ones being the female........ I noticed that women are a whole lot more emotional then men

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I was hoping in this thread someone could give me tips on a short cut???

Do you know something? There is no short cut... If there was, let's face it no one would be on meds, no one would be grieving for years and can't get over it, And, in this instance, men are in the same category I believe, (correct me men?) difference, being only that " they don't "show" emotions....".. they hold it in..

( shaking my head * ) CW, I am curious why is being a woman so tough?? Men i noticed dont have that emotional gene in them. They take break ups super easy and they have stds , go give it around acting like its nothing............we're always the sad ones being the female........ I noticed that women are a whole lot more emotional then men

This in itself is a new Thread and I will endeavor to bring it up should people not realize it is here, or even cut and paste it to one with your permission.

I suspect that because we are meant to be nurturing, Mother's with intuition and feelings of pain, so that we can feel for our children and nurture them is the logical reason biologically.

With regards to men having STD's and not caring and giving it to others, is that not really based down to 1) naivety of youth and 2) morals.

It will be interesting the take on this from others.

But the serious, serious main thing you do really have to see, is IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.....

I know you know that, but you really have to keep telling yourself that over and over so that eventually, you hold no guilt that you ever, ever, need to feel that you have to show to any future partners. Rather, tell them the situation, and what a loser this person was to have done such..

Love is love .. Nothing will ever stop that.

You thinking it's your fault for being vulnerable ( what young girl isn't?) from a coward that knew? Will weight on you .. Let it go...

CW

[mzhk]

hugs*

Thank u.......... that last response explained a whole lot...
thank u