[Joy]

OMG my bf and me emotionally have been all over the map this weekend. One moment he is in love with me the next he is insulting me and mad. I don't know what is wrong with him.

At one point today i could have walked out the door and never looked back but an hour before that we were making sweet love and it rocked. He insulted my weight and it really hurt and i just was so hurt that he was so tactless. I do't think i'm skinny and I know I am not a size 2. He called me a plus size girl. Then tried to go back and tell me he loved my curves.......... it was all in the look in his eyes and the tone you can't go back and change that. I find he does that alot he uses the negative route to explain something that could have been positve and seen in a positive light but not after the way he explained it.

His friend was in our kitchen and snickered i guess that is what really humiliated me. The friend apologized after i meantioned that part.

I don't know i think maybe his self esteem is hurting some how and he is lashing out at me. He made mention about me getting stuck with his sorry butt for the rest of my life just last week. I have a good sense of self i guess the plus size comment hurt because he was so flat and dull with the delivery and so serious. I float from size 8-10 and i was heavier when we first started dating 5 years ago.

Its just been an emotional roller coaster and i needed to get this out

[WildChild]

Oh dear, a size 8 to 10 is a pretty normal range, certainly not heavy. It does sound like he is trying to build himself up by tearing you down especially doing this in front of others or like he thinks he is asserting himself? The stuck with his sorry butt, kind of hits a chord with me, my ex used that, you're stuck, line all the time. At first it seemed like a kind of cute way of getting reassurance but it turned into a negative as his health deteriorated and he would come up with scenarios, "what will you do when I'm in a wheel chair and have dementia and don't know who you are anymore?" and some point he'd throw in the, you're stuck, bit. It got old fast.

Have you tried just sitting him down to ask, what the heck he thinks he's doing, acting like this? This belittling you and cutting you down isn't entirely new behavior. He needs to understand that if he wants to keep you in his life, it has to stop. You deserve better. I've been through some of this rollercoaster emotional treatment - it's not easy. Does he have a really negative view of himself? Could he be trying to fullfill a script he has in his mind that you will leave him, that he doesn't deserve you? Men (and women) with that script set up are awfully difficult to cope with because they will do what it takes to make you leave. There is a belief that they aren't good enough, therefore if you are willing to be with them, there must be something wrong with you. Kind of hard to get around.

Do something good for yourself. You are a sweetie and deserve it!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Babe, you two are chalk and cheese..

You feel you can make him see the real world whilst you live in it, positive...

He's negative.

No one, no one has the right to put someone down, and to take it all back is "oh no she will leave"...

What they say they mean because they live in a negative world. And, so everything they see is negative.

8 - 10 is what 14 in Australian? Sexy beautiful but more importantly your inner self is perfect, you give and give till you can't give anymore... You strive to succeed until you do and will.

You would save the world if you could..... You have and continue to try to save him.

I don't know what to say...

I know you want to stand by him... I also know your goals and aspirations and I also see your pictures and how beautiful you are and that the inner you shines and I also see the encouragement you give me when I feel down, privately.

I can only say, you really need to "stop saving the world" if they don't join you in it find someone who will...

Your journey to where you are going needs it.

Your one of the most strongest women i know that never lets anything get you down but is that true? Or do you look for reasons not to, ie) he's negative and has this problem and that problem etc, etc, babe, will that ever, ever change?

You can't save the world...

Nor can I, we, there are on the same page.

Hurtful comments come from him feeling you are better than him, he never will be that's what you think is it not? In his eyes, he sees all the hard work you put in, your positive thoughts, your natural instinct to go get, and make it happen whilst he can't.

Sometimes, opposites attract, it's admired... But again, if someone puts you down for it as he has before and now your weight? It's that he feels inadequate and i know you know the reasons.

And you can make him see, can you? Really? He is whom he is... he hasn't changed since you met... He has no ambition, goals, drive even though you have pointed him in the right directions.

Been along time sweetheart......

Keep your dreams, keep your positiveness, keep going, but really really, see, as I don't think in all the time you've tried and continueD to that he can see. He resents, and that silly but he does.

If you succeeded in business as you will... And became a millonairre, would he sit back and say phew.... I don't have to work?

You know I've been there.

You know I'm older.

This is not what you want to hear but need to.

Forgive me.

I just can't see anymore how you can jump this and make him see.

You give your heart and soul.... he insults you?

Time to have a clear think...

Your a special woman in so many ways.

Wildchild Could he be trying to fullfill a script he has in his mind that you will leave him, that he doesn't deserve you? Men (and women) with that script set up are awfully difficult to cope with because they will do what it takes to make you leave. There is a belief that they aren't good enough, therefore if you are willing to be with them, there must be something wrong with you. Kind of hard to get around

.

I think so.... the only other way around this is to tell him that you are whom you are, will succeed because that is whom you are, he needs to see and accept whom you are... And, get over it.


CW

[Joy]

as always ladies you are there I think he is afraid to be happy he wants it but to afraid to actually go after it and get it. To afraid he will get it and lose it. To afraid he can't maintain it and take the super highs and sometimes the super lowers so he just feels low to mid level high.

Saturday we had a fantastic morning went to market then to the park ate some of our goodies and watched couples with their kids and he made comments oh this is what we need our own family....... we went to then look at a dog to adopt. In the afternoon we went shopping for a coffee table to match our new livingroom set.
AT some point he just sabatoges everything and gets cranky and mean.

I called him on this behavior how he starts talking commitment then gives you reasons to wonder why you ever would. I"m still waiting for a good answer

[CHANDLERS WISH]

There are "risk" takers in life.

There are "non-risk" takers in life.

One has no fear, the other does.

Put them together and you get?

lol.

But, if anyone can make him see, failure is not losing a business, or a dream/goal, failure is not trying in the first place, you can..

CW