[lee2009]

my boyfriend is so jelous,when we first started going out he didnt mind who i was with....but now he gets so jelouse if i was with another boy and he even gets jelous of my girlfriends....and another thing, he doesnt trust me and i never did anything so i have no idea why....his last girlfriend was a real to him, she cheated on him and she just wasnt nice to him, so it could be that but im not like her one bit..i really love him so i dont want to end our relationship. so can anyone give me advise on what to do.
thank you

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, it's hard because in reality probably, only time will actually heal his jealousy and gain your trust because of this other girl and what she did.

You can say your not like her, till your blue in the face but do you think he will change his pattern in that regard?

But, it's a start. My ex-husband's ex-wife, (long story) cheated on him and 7 and a half years later, I am convinced that he knew i would never cheat from day dot, but he continued to treat me as if I was a "mere woman", not worthy.. He couldn't change the pattern.

Maybe have the girlfriends over and include him once in a while, he would see them as threats because he would think they could sway you to cheat.. Don't stop having your male friends, this is his hurdle to jump not yours, but again, if you are around a "mate" who's a guy and your man is with you put your arm around him so he sees no threat there.

Time may help you get him to realise.

CW

[Guest]

How long have you guys been together?

Why doesn't he trust you with your GIRLFRIENDS...(that's a little fishy to me)


Just by what you're saying it sounds to me that he's a bit controlling. I could be wrong. But the things you are saying sounds a lot like when I had a controlling bf. He questioned everything I did...and I found out that HE WAS THE ONE CHEATING. And talking and flirting with girls. There's jealousy of insecurity and jealousy of being in control.


Would need more information on how he treats you other times. Or is this ALL the time?

[lee2009]

we have been together a year and a half.i have no idea he kinda gets thick when they are there i think he just wants me to himself.he is good to me he always buys me lil presents and he always tells me how much he loves me.but when im with other people he just turns into another person.

[Guest]

i think he just wants me to himself.he is good to me he always buys me lil presents and he always tells me how much he loves me.

uh...IF that doesn't say controlling then I really don't know what does.

I COULD be wrong.... but if he's doing stuff to keep you close to him..then I would question why. I could understand that he doesn't trust other people. But again he doesn't have to be mean to you when you hang out with YOUR friends.

Like I said before there's insecure jealousy...and there's controlling. YOU would have to be the judge.

[Joy]

well just cause the last GF cheated doesn't mean you will. Don't take on his problems with insecurity about this. He can not stop you if you are gonna cheat anyway that is what he is trying to control. he deosn't want to feel that hurt again. So he is taking out threats to him.

No one can live life like this we all have to trust or there is nothing to base the relationship on.

some times people who are cheaters spend their time accusing their partners of cheating cause of the lies they create its all they see around them.

Let this BF know that you are gonna live your life and he will have to either trust you or bail its up to him but you have nothing to feel guilty about.

[lee2009]

thank you al for your help...i spoke to him and he told me that he didnt realise what he was doing and that he would try stop so i hope it will work...

thank you

[ren_07]

He's insecure.

This is unfortunately not your problem to fix, he has to come to his own realization and understanding of his issues and choose to not be so jealous.

If you've been dating for a year and a half and things have not improved from day one, I'm not sure time to heal is the answer. The only thing I can suggest is to have a sit down talk with him about the situation and reassure him over and over that he should feel no threat, that his past was with a particular woman, and that not all women are like her. Along with this, include him sometimes in your friend and guy friend life but be a little physical with him infront of others. He'll feel attached to you.

[WildChild]

Dealt with this many years ago. Good looking guy, could be really nice, fabulous lover. Just about pathologically jealous. He ripped me to pieces emotionally. He's lived with some girl right out of HS and she'd cheated - that was it. No woman could ever be trusted.

Do not allow it. YOU can't fix this, he's got to work through it somehow. You can date him but let him know if he starts in, the date is finished - you are going home. As long as he behaves, ok, as soon as the green eyed monster wakes up - see ya later. He may eventually get it. How much patience and self esteem do you have?

[lee2009]

thank you for your advise ren_07.

thank you wild child
i am a very petient person and i have good enough self esteem.could one of those be a problem towards him.