[Guest]

Me not trusting him completely is taking a toll on our relationship. Given my past; I was "fine" and not depressed or anxious when I was just "dating" It's when I fall in love and care for a person is where I start to doubt myself and the other person. He suggested that I had a choice to be in love and depressed/anxious or be "fine" and not be in love


I can't just "turn off" my feelings like that. I asked if he was indirectly breaking up with me...he said no. I asked him if he wanted to break up with me...he also said no. He did say that he didn't want me suffering anymore. He said he didn't want to break up; and neither do I ... but why bring that up if you weren't thinking about it.

I don't want to see him suffer being with me either. This isn't how I wanted things to be. He said what he wants isn't going to take overnight. And that is for me to fully trust him. I said if I didn't trust him at all I wouldn't let him go to strip clubs, and suggest to hang out with your friends. And call him all the time when he's in Vegas. I tell him he should hang out with his friends and go to a strip club if they wanted to. I am secure about my relationship when it comes to that. What I am not secure about is girls from the past and teachers hitting on him. What I am not secure about is myself. If I am enough for him. If I am enough for myself.

[caterpillar79]

Same boat...almost...but the strip joint issue. We've sorted it out that for as long as he's with me, THAT is a no-no.

The episodes, I also undergo. I think it is more of being afraid to be hurt again when we give our all. And that is trusting that when we let our guard off, when we are all out vulnerable, that the other party will take us as fragile and will take care of us gently, carefully, lovingly. It takes a lot of effort everyday, every moment for us. Thinking "when" this loving relationship is going to be over...when will he leave me for somebody else...am I adequate...is he happy with me?...Thinking about all these makes me feel depressed and anxious, too. And thus deprives me the enjoyment of what is the NOW..the present.

He sounds committed and is determined to stick it out, Pix...give him a chance. You'll learn how to trust him...isn't love giving without waiting for anything in return?

[WildChild]

Oh well, I'm the opposite. Trusting until I get hit over the head with a load of you know what. Either way it seems, you lose.