[scr]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 8 years now. We have a 5 year old son together and been living together for 7 years. We have discussed about marriage and both agreed once we bought our own home we would seal the deal, we bought a house 4 years ago and everytime i bring up the word marriage he either ignores me or changes the subject. He laughs it off and says " Whats the rush??" my response isnt nice, and the discussions about marriage usually ends in arguments.

The day before my birthday we were looking at some beautiful rings, so he suggested he would go to the jewellers and buy a ring for my birthday and propose, he came back with white gold earrings, my heart sunk i accepted them and said thank you.... Im really confused?? Im getting the feeling of a detached relationship and find it coming to an end if things dont go the way we planned...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Communication is the key to a marriage..

You have to ask him what his fear is?

Alot of men have a fear of "marriage" it's financial.. what if it doesn't work?

You talk about the way "we planned" but really isn't it the way "you" planned?

What is fantastic about this man that you totally love about him all the things he does and what do you think he loves about you?

Has this " non commital made you argue over and over and to the point of him questioning"?

CW
He may also be a bit of a batchelor, your not telling much other than his denial.

[Joy]

yeah sorry to tell ya but that is the first thing that jumped out of your post " what we planned" and its sounds like what you planned.

Just because you discussed it that once you bought the house you would get married didn't mean it was going to happen the next day. I know its been 4 years but he obviously is comfortable with the relationship the way it is.

You have had his son, you've bought a house together and he sees this a deep commitment that he is not going anywhere. Could his fear possibly be that marriage is an "identity" he hasn't pictured yet and his fear about how this will change him, change you, change your relationship.

I know you want a beautiful ring that symbol of commitment we have all been there and had that feeling. You have been together for 8 years would you really throw that away cause you didn't get a ring? I understand you are disappointed that he suggested buying a ring for your bday and you received earrings.

I think an ultimatium of get me a ring or I walk is a bad idea but you do need to talk to him and explain that if he doesn't know by now after 8 years of being together what message you feel that is sending to you. How it does make you sad and doubt your relationship. Don't fight with him to get your way.... talk and find out what the underlying issue is.

my bf teases me and says we'd be married already if I didn't want a $50,000 wedding and a $5000 ring..... I told him I wouldn't spend $50,000 on wedding!!

I don't need a $5000 ring either but I know I'm sooo worth Platnium