[Guest]

I lost my virginity to a guy I really liked 3 months ago in September. He's a co-worker of mine, and I really still like him. He basically lied about saying he was a virgin, and I told him to just tell me the truth, I just didn't want to be lied to. But he lied, and I would of still lost my virginity to him, I DO NOT REGREAT IT. He's a great guy, everything I ever wanted...except for the lying part. Then about 3 weeks after the deed was done, he said he didn't want to do the "friends with bennefits" part anymore...which was ok...but then we stopped talking. We talk now, but act like nothing happened. The fact is that I want to move on. BUT DON"T KNOW HOW, AND I AM AFRAID I WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE THAT I WILL LIKE AS MUCH AS I DO TO HIM. There has to be someone in the same boat out there. I constantly look at pictures, and videos on my camera of him....drive by his house...how in the hell does a girl move on? There's a line in this song that explains it perfectly..."I can't explain this feeling I think about it everyday And even though we've moved on It gets so hard to walk away" Please, Please...if can anyone can give me advice, I'd greatly be thankful, because I miss him...I miss those few moments that we had...and how he can just move on like that? And if he wanted to do it again, I would....

[imported_kaylar]

I can tell you...


What you have done is romanticed an extremely
unpleasant interlude. By elevating this guy to some
import you hide the fact that you were, as you name
suggests, used.

He played a game, he won.
Now you have to move on.

What I found works is a psychological distraction.
Sort of a Pavlovian training...

Every time you think of this guy you are to look at
something. Give your self a focus...and tell your
self: "When I look at (whatever) I will remember
how it feels to be used by this guy"

Make it clear to yourself, write it down...
you were nothing but an easy screw.

If you eventually get through to your sub-conscious
so that as soon as you think of him you look at
your 'distractor' and think of how he used you,
eventually you teach your id that it is unpleasant
to think of thim.

It works.

[mom23kidz1]

Well we have all been there! Just have to find a rebound and move on. He doesnt care about you and never will.
Sad fact of life and it sucks but just dont make it known you are still fretting over him! You might become the laughing stock of work!

[imported_kaylar]

Wanting to be in Love....


Everyone always wants to be in love.
And sometimes when our emotions outshout
our brains we believe the first clown who
comes along.

Sure, we all heard the stories about people
like Jean17, but it CAN'T HAPPEN TO US!
until
IT HAPPENS TO US.

Many times we are lucky...not smart...
lucky...that the guy who wants to use
us doesn't get the chance.

Lucky...
like seeing him with another girl
Lucky....
like being unable to keep that tryst
due to circumstances beyond our control.

When I was young I had one never failed
line;

"I'm not having sex until I'm married."

The guy who 'loved' me so much three seconds
ago, finds someone else to annoy.

[Guest]

Kinda Hurt

I really like your frist post, Kayar...but I'm confused on the second...why would you say you had one line that works..."Stay a virgin untill marriage?" I already crossed that bridge, and I lost my virginity to him, and I already stated that I don't regreat it...I just want to move on from it. That's why I really liked your first message! This is how I look at it, "For what it was worth, it was worth all the while." I just want to know how to move on...sometimes staying a virgin until marriage isn't for everyone, and I knew from the gecko that being a virginuntil marriage wansn't for me...it's a personal subject that each person must decide for themselves.

[imported_kaylar]

clarification


You don't have to be a virgin to tell people you are...
esp. people you don't know.

When I attended University I used to wear a silver
band on my wedding finger. People thought I was
married. I wasn't married. In fact, I was a virgin,
but what I was doing was;
1) reading my book
2) starting every male person on the platonic scale
3) making friends with people as friends

There's nothing you can do now, Jean in re the
fellow you think you love.

There is a difference between lust and love.
A difference between infatuation and love.

You can't love this guy, you don't know him.
YOu love the 'role' he played.

I loved Tyr on Andromeda. I don't know the
actor, and what I've heard about the actor
I don't think I'd even like him. But I love
Tyr....the character he played.

Lots of people act....'All the World's a Stage..."

what you have to do is prepare for your next
role.

[mom23kidz1]

This is quite confusing advice look just go hang out with your friends party hae a good time and when you meet the next guy dont put all your feelings on the line just feel him out first!

[imported_kaylar]

Two Ways


You have to decide;
am I a little boat drifting on the sea
looking for rescue, or am I a gofast boat
moving from point A to point B on my
own power?

Put it like this...
if you have a plan...a future...a dream
anything that you are living for...you go
after it. You. Not a man's dreams or a
man's plans that you go along with...but
you. Your own dreams and plans.

When you take charge of your life you
make a lot of decisions. Some sound
hard...but they aren't.

If you know what you want then you
can't afford to be distracted by people
who want something else or who simply
want to distract you.

This chappie planned his sexual conquest.
Okay.
He got through.
Now...
now you move on, you focus on what is
important to you, and since you now have
a full understanding how men use women
you can divert, you can control.

The reason I wore a ring as if I was married
is because I wanted to be a lawyer.
Me.
Not married to a lawyer.

So, I went to school to read my book.
Sure I went out, but nothing ever got
serious because everyone assumed I
was 'taken'.

Now, I met a lot of chaps and because
sex was not in the equation I got to really
know them.

I got to know their faults and their weakness
and their tricks and their lines and how some
changed girlfriends more often than their
underwear.

Lots of my friends had their hearts broken.
Lots of them got involved got dumped went
through those dramas.

But I didn't.
I was there to read my book.
And because I was not available, all those
men who used those women were my 'buddies',
and I saw a side of them their girlfriends didn't.

So that's why I did what I did.
And it's open to any woman to
do the same.