[Ahryin]

This morning at 7am I get a text message from my SO asking me to call him when I get a chance. So ofcourse I pick up the phone and dial him...
He starts telling me that he doesn't like to be lied to and even though it might not seem like he's paying attention he is ALWAYS paying attention and even though he doesn't always say something he wanted to let me know that he sees things....then he goes on to ask me why I'm on web cam 3 to 4 times a week (which is a total lie!) then he says I was on last night at 1am (yet another lie) I tried to explain that it wasn't the case and isn't the case and he needed to calm down and listen. Then he tells me that months ago (months mind you!) I was at the computer and he was next to me and a radio show host I know im'd me and when I responded I said whats up and the guy said back to me "why are you talking to me like that" which in his mind means I don't normally talk to that guy like that and I must be normally much nicer to him.....
I don't even remember what he is talking about! I have a very nice saturday plan'd for us this weekend. Now he won't answer my calls or text messages. I'm assuming it's because he's at work. Whats funny is I don't even correspond with the radio host on a regular basis anymore. My portion of networking etc is over at this point with him. He is well aware of my SO and has a SO of his own.
Here are some other facts that should be noted...remember my last thread stated I asked him where he was a couple of weekends ago and he responded minding my own business...last weekend he went "away" as well..I spoke to him Friday and not again until Monday....did I say anything about it...nope! There are times I call him in the evening (late evening) and he is on the phone (you can hear the beep that lets you know the other person is on the line) does he click over....no...does he call me back...sometimes...do I say anything about it or complain...no!

I don't know if i'm over reacting, I don't know if i'm just being Paranoid (shout out to Glitter) but something just feels wrong. I was really looking forward to this weekend and just being able to hang out and have some good quality time with each other now I feel as if that may be in jeopardy. When he gets mad he at times chooses not to speak to me, reason being because he knows that if he does he won't be upset anymore. At the same time my mistrust is leading my mind to wander into worse scenarios...like what if he IS seeing someone else...what if he is just picking a fight/argument (because he knows how I am and he knows that this is normally when I set up shop to do battle which would lead to an even bigger argument....for one I hate being called a liar when I clearly know I have not lied...I hate someone telling me I'm cheating or playing games or even accusing me of such actions when I have not done so)

I just don't know what to do, or what to say..... I'm trying to think about it from the i'm over reacting stance and listen to his concerns realizing that lately my lap top has been freezing I speak to my sisters, brothers, cousins etc over web cam I just got one and we haven't been able to see each other for a while so this is like a new toy. Its possible that it freezes and doesn't log me off. I'm thinking to myself that at least he is showing some type of emotion even though it is negetive...doesn't that mean he has deep feelings for me if he is worried about me cheating?

I just don't know...advice please

[Hopeless Dork]

Does he have any reason to believe that you could be on your webcam those nights or is he realllly pulling that out of thin air? If he's picking a fight for no reason, that would worry me too, your not being paranoid.

-When people do something innappropriate to the relationship, they often become paranoid that their SO is doing it too...

-Sometimes people pick fights and land themselves in the dog house on purpose as to buy some time alone without being accused of wrong doings.

Could be he is just genuinly concerned about you cheating on him, but if you have given him no reason to think so... I am not sure why he would be doing that.

I wouldn't worry about it all just yet. You are a trusting, non-jealous type and so just stick to that behavior and not let yourself stress about this. Maybe he is just having a bad day, maybe he's scared of losing you -- when people become afraid of losing someone they will sometimes accuse and worry about them cheating even if their concious is clear and they are not trying to pick a fight.

[WildChild]

That L (lie) word bothers me too, it's one of my hot buttons. I often suggest alternate possiblities for someone's behavior, especially if I think the woman is going a bit overboard, I don't get that feeling with you and this situation. I get the feeling he is launching an offensive attack to avoid having to come up with a defense.

The mind your own business stuff and no contact/no explaination, weekends are iffy. If he convinced himself a while back that you had soemthing going with this radio show host, he may be justifying his own behavior. But at this point only he knows what is going on. Sitting him down and talking is about all you can do.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Distance is hard....

Ask yourself if he has/would speak this way before this different living arrangement?

Would he know about this site? Noooo, don't leave, just asking...

I know if I google Chandlers Wish, this site comes up, my Visitors Page actually...

It's strange because he is correct in a way... You now have decided not to go with the other old boyfriend and stay in this relationship, but how much did he really know that was going on? Your thoughts, the emotional rollercoaster, .....

It could be a stab in the dark what he is "claiming", but why is his inner self feeling something isn't all together there. In-other-words, perhaps whilst you went on this rollercoaster ride, you gave clues of not sure if he's the one, without you realising, but he did....

See what I'm saying?

CW

[LanaBear]

You know CW, that was my first thought...

Has he read your posts? Specifically the one from a few days ago, regarding young jeezy, as OTYA would put it.

You've been together over a year, right? I just also question the avoidance of what he is doing with his time i.e. "minding my own busines" and "away". But maybe you seemed distant to him when you were going through your dillemma, so now he is just trying to distance himself and protect himself...

Talk to him when you are both calm enough not to argue about it. If it starts to escalate, drop the conversation and let him know you guys can talk again when you've both had a chance to calm down again.

[Ahryin]

Hey threaders ... here is an update...
We had it out, we broke up, and we got back together. Crazy!
*whats funny is I asked myself that question today...like OMG..he knows about the site! He doesn't...not yet I will handle that if and when it ever happens lets cross our fingers spit over our shoulder and snap our fingers that it doesn't*

He said he was just expressing how he was feeling, but I know him. He is the type that if he says something...then we have a problem. I felt like I was put on the defensive because I didn't and haven't done anything. I mean come on now I had every chance and opportunity and would never. It was a year in June so a little over a year now. I know the distance is getting to me but now I think the distance is really getting to him. I think what happened when he thought he saw me online last night (still don't know how that happened) he got jealous since I had told him I was going to sleep.

He is rather blunt and straight to the point which can be taken as rude at times. I am can also be that way so I naturally felt like I had to defend myself....well it got out of hand (no cursing or name calling) he was really accusing me of something without actually accusing me of it. As if saying I was cheating or have cheated and he knows it but doesn't have real proof...but the thing is I haven't. When I proved my point and let him know that he was over reacting he got even more defensive .... after things blew up and he had time to think he called me we said our peace and it was back to normal...but he didn't even apologize!

so now we have this comedy show we are going to and we will be spending the night together...I think we really need this, you know to be able to just be together and have a good time. At the end of today it sounded like he was looking forward to it, so I'm happy about that. Still something needs to happen and change, we have to find a common ground, this distance and timing is killing us. I just hope we are strong enough to deal with it, until things can change.

When I think about it, i think this is his way of telling me he loves me, I've never seen him jealous.....NEVER...well..today I saw it, and it's not pretty!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

A person acts completely different when they are on a cross road... Like I said, you more than likely acted differently and he felt it...

That's why he "thought" but without proof.... madam

[GlitterAndStuds]

Hahaha "shout out to Glitter"...you're too funny!

Before reading your second post, I was going to say that I agree with HD, in the sense that I've seen TONS of guys accuse their girlfriends of cheating or whatever when they're the ones doing it themselves. They think "well I'm doing it, why wouldn't they?" Ya know? But at the same time, you know how paranoid I was for a little while there, and obviously I haven't been doing anything wrong in my own relationship. And neither has he, it's the fear of losing someone you care about. So it could be his little way of telling you he gives a hoot Has he had bad experiences in past relationships? Like has he been cheated on before, or screwed over in some way? Maybe he's subconsciously just expecting it to happen with you too, if that's the case.

I will say though, if I asked my SO about it and got a "mind your own business", that would NOT fly with me! Nosiree bob. You're his lady. You're supposed to be his friend, his confidant, and he should be treating you as such. You're right that something has to change, he can't have this attitude about it, especially with the distance. I guess I don't have such great advice on this once since I'm going so back and forth, haha. Just offering different points.

I definitely think you're right that maybe the distance is just taking its toll on him, since he can't be there with you all the time and knowing what you're doing (although let's be real, you can never know what someone is doing ALL THE TIME)... and also that some time together will do you good. It's amazing what just being together will do to make someone feel better about something like that. I'd say to go do your thing for the night with him like you're planning, and try not to mention the whole thing. Just enjoy each other.

[Ahryin]

He sounds really happy and excited about the night which is cool and i'm excited as well. I think its what we both need. He would never tell me the distance is bothering him but after what he pulled yesterday I have no doubt that it does. Its not that we live far its just that our schedules conflict a lot. Also as I explained before my mother is staying with me for a while and its the same for him. We are both trying to help them do what they need to do.
I will keep you all posted on the weekend and give you updates on what he does

[Ahryin]

ok this is just an update so I don't have to repeat myself several times...I'm not ready to talk alllll about it so here it is...we broke up, he cheated with 3 different women, I found out (because i'm Brilliant..lol just thought I would throw in a funny) He offered no reason, or excuse...nothing ....basically just walked away with his tail between his legs (we did however have a healthy arguement hours later)
I'm ok but not toooo ok just taking it day by day (this happened on Sunday) Yes I miss him, yes I'm disappointed but I know I'm worth more....just confused as to why it all happened, why he lied, why he went through everything .....

Honesty is always the best policy but who knows why people are the way they are....