[miss.independent]

I have been involved with this man for 6yrs., He have been living with a woman for 15yrs.,We started off being friend we both lost someone we love dearly,And that brought us closer together as people.I started to fall in love with himand his feelings were mutual.I wanted him to move in.but there was allways excuse after excuse he says hes in a "relationship of convience".But i dont understand how can U be with someone you dont love?He allways tell me he loves me but I can no longer: say it in return.As many times as I tried to end this he wont hear of it.I feel as though hes wear he wants to be and Im going to love him reguardless.

[GlitterAndStuds]

Just to clarify before I try to answer anything (it's an hour before I leave work and my brain has gone into shut down mode, haha)... Are you saying that you got involved with this guy when he was already living with a woman that he was involved with?

[caterpillar79]

I guess that's what I understand too...It's sort of confusing. But as I see it, the guy wants his cake and eat it, too....is this what you want for yourself, OP?

[Kakie]

you can't spend your entire life being his bit on the side. if he does love you and not the woman he is living with then he owes it to her to 'set her free'. he needs to decide once and for all. so whichever one of you it isn't can get on with their life

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have been involved with this man for 6yrs., He have been living with a woman for 15yrs.,We started off being friend we both lost someone we love dearly,And that brought us closer together as people.I started to fall in love with himand his feelings were mutual.I wanted him to move in.but there was allways excuse after excuse he says hes in a "relationship of convience".But i dont understand how can U be with someone you dont love?He allways tell me he loves me but I can no longer: say it in return.As many times as I tried to end this he wont hear of it.I feel as though hes wear he wants to be and Im going to love him reguardless.

I kind of waited to for a reply...

How can you be independent? Sweet... 6 years is too long.. If he was with and is still with someone after 15 years, he is just talking about what he doesn't like about the relationship he is in,.. Yes, he is in.. He gave you as they do sob stories, and you fell, hook line and sinker... His excuses are he is still into her, it's not a relationship of convience, rather he cant let her go... That's his choice, 15 years is a long time, he's weak, he needs her, she probably plays all the cards to keep him... He dearly wants to want more, so he says what he says... love you.. but he is weak he cannot move on...

You are cruising for a bruising can you not see that?

Get yourself together, don't you admire who you are, do you need this shiet? no...

Respect yourself.

CW

[GlitterAndStuds]

I'm glad there have been some other replies to this.

If the OP is still checking this... This is exactly what happens when you take up with someone that you know is involved with someone else. It's pretty much doomed from the start. It sounds like he likes to feel wanted (as does anyone), but to a point where one person's attention isn't enough. Obviously, he's getting something from her still that he does not get from you and vice versa. So he keeps you both. But more often than not, they will never leave the one they're with for you.

Also, I can't stress this enough to anyone... If you know they're in a relationship with someone else, even if you find out later on, just leave it alone. There is no sense in going after someone who is taken when there are plenty of great people to meet who are ready to give YOU all of their attention.

[Joy]

um I think you are better off without this guy. I don't judge you for being in a relationship with a hooked up man... each to their own but......... If I was you I couldn't respect a guy that said oh I can't leave its a relationship of convienience.... WTF? That would tell me that the convienience means more than our love....... and I would kick him to the curb just for that.

Don't be too hard on yourself.. you guys met under an emotinally stressful period of lose in your life and you needed each other then....... Now go find yourself someone who makes your heart sing!

[tasha1133]

I would have to agree with all the advice that has been given above. If he really loved you and he was unhappy with the relationship he was in, he would have left if and committed to you ages ago, bu he hasn't and you have played along as the fool, you need to realize this and move on...

You have allowed him to string you along for long enough. you have to realize that you deserve much better, and leave him for the loser that he is.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, I suspect your reading but not replying yes?

If you want us to say it's okay, he will come across to you eventually, when you entered it was 9 years with this lady of convenience...

Surely, he lives with her?

Perhaps he has children with her....

But he has two women, that is a fact, you and her.

Imagine, if you were able to go out for dinner at a drop of a hat, have him wake up everyday next to you, that is what you want yes?

That is why you keep asking and he keeps denying.

Meanwhile and I don't know how old you are, you are wasting all this time but what has happened is you know nothing different. You have forgotten what it's like to go to the pictures, bring a guy to a family do, go out for dinner when you want, sleep next to a man every night and because you've forgotten, you have MISTAKEN love for your now "his convenience" at his whim, when he wants and you fail to see that..

Now your are his convenience.

She is not, she sleeps with him every night.

Come back and talk to us, we don't know you and it may help you as it has helped others here trust me, after 2 years being here I know....

It's a slow process of change but you need to start doing little things "on your own" independent thinking that your single, not feeling that you are not and riddled with guilt.

I am not talking about sleeping with someone else, I'm talking about being single and telling this man that's it, that is what you are, you will start dating but not sleeping with anyone at this point but you are going to start having A LIFE.

See if he walks to you..

I could place a bet but what for?

Do it, it's the only way you will see for yourself, whilst finding yourself again...

CW