[ladywolf]

It shouldn't hurt--I should be joyful for her--but it DOES hurt. She's 54, I'm 59, and we've been doing EVERYTHING together for about three years now. All of a sudden--pow--there's a man in her life.

I was a psychotherapist (with 18 years of experience), and I should "know better" than to feel jealous and abandoned and totally lost, but I don't. She is trying her very best to continue including me in things....but you know, it's just not the same. I'm stuck in a town in Southern Arizona that I don't like, making about $500 a month as a substitute teacher when I'm lucky, and unable to relocate anywhere, for obvious reasons.

Janice was the only really close friend I had in this town (where I've only lived for 3 years), and we shared EVERYTHING, including our poverty. I know that I take this kind of things especially hard because I have NO living family, but for my dogs. So my friends ARE my family--I have no one else.

Please try to help me to be graceful about this and not suffer too much, and especially not make Janice suffer. She weighs 300 pounds, has hardly ever travelled, so finding a nice, generous, kind man is a real surprise to her. I really AM happy for her, but less happy for myself, because it means much less time for her.

The only silver lining I can see in this situation is that I've been wanting to leave here for two years, and Janice has been the only thing holding me here, except lack of funds to relocate. Now maybe I can find my way clear to make some kind of move--with what money, I know not.

This is my first post here--I am desperate for some new friends!

Hugs from Ladywolf

[sourpuss]

Find comfort in being happy for her and try to find your own happiness is the only advice I can give you.

[GlitterAndStuds]

It shouldn't hurt--I should be joyful for her--but it DOES hurt. She's 54, I'm 59, and we've been doing EVERYTHING together for about three years now. All of a sudden--pow--there's a man in her life.

I was a psychotherapist (with 18 years of experience), and I should "know better" than to feel jealous and abandoned and totally lost, but I don't. She is trying her very best to continue including me in things....but you know, it's just not the same. I'm stuck in a town in Southern Arizona that I don't like, making about $500 a month as a substitute teacher when I'm lucky, and unable to relocate anywhere, for obvious reasons.

Janice was the only really close friend I had in this town (where I've only lived for 3 years), and we shared EVERYTHING, including our poverty. I know that I take this kind of things especially hard because I have NO living family, but for my dogs. So my friends ARE my family--I have no one else.

Please try to help me to be graceful about this and not suffer too much, and especially not make Janice suffer. She weighs 300 pounds, has hardly ever travelled, so finding a nice, generous, kind man is a real surprise to her. I really AM happy for her, but less happy for myself, because it means much less time for her.

The only silver lining I can see in this situation is that I've been wanting to leave here for two years, and Janice has been the only thing holding me here, except lack of funds to relocate. Now maybe I can find my way clear to make some kind of move--with what money, I know not.

This is my first post here--I am desperate for some new friends!

Hugs from Ladywolf

That is always a big adjustment when you're so used to being around someone, then all of a sudden they have someone else to spend their time with. It's hard not to feel a little jealous when someone else is getting their attention, but if she is happy in her relationship then be happy for her. You said yourself this doesn't happen to her very often, so it makes sense that she's enjoying it so much. Plus she's including you in things instead of just blowing you off for this guy, which a lot of people tend to do, unfortunately. Be appreciative of the time you do have with her, maybe set a night or two per week aside for a girl's night. And on nights when she's with her boyfriend, you can go out with friends of yours that are single and have your own fun. Maybe even eventually find a guy for yourself, double dates are always fun. That way you spend time with her without feeling awkward.

[Guest]

I know just how you feel as the same thing has happened to me except i know long have contact with my ex best friend

My ex best friend has always lived afew hours away from me but we used to meet up regular and also texted each other daily and spoken on the phone at least once a week.

Well 2 and a half yrs ago we fixed her up with a friend of DH's they met at ours for the weekend and got on really well the more she got into him the less i heard from her! she cant seem to hold a relationship and a friendship at the same time for some reason well they got married last october and now i no longer have anything to do with her!

Her txts got less and less and when i moaned she said oh ive been busy with steve etc!

It really hurt at the time but ive got over it now even though we was friends for 10 yrs or so have you spoken to your friend about how you feel?

[ladywolf]

Thanks for all your help, ladies. I'm not nearly as upset tonight as I was last night when I wrote--I had been on quite a crying jag. The part I forgot to mention in my "get out the violins" story is that two close long-distance lovers of mine have died in the past four years, and my best male friend died last Christmas.

So I was on the pity pot last night--or was it two nights ago--for sure.

In terms of my own happiness and recreation, I live in a TINY town north of Tucson where there is absolutely nothing to do at night except read and write... There's no "going out with single friends"--I have no other single friends and there's nowhere to go anyway, except for my nightly dog walk. And even if I wanted to get gussied up and go to the local bar to shoot pool, I never have a penny to my name and can't afford to go out. (Oh, for the days when I had a lot of money. Yes, I WAS happier!)

Anyway, Janice and I went to a nearby river to swim yesterday and had a fine day, though I can feel a certainn distance between us. It's mostly my doing and I know it and feel awful about it, but it's hard to bridge, especially because I don't like the man all that much. It's all happening too fast for them--too much like a fairy tale. I guess that's what can happen when you're in your fifties and sixties--there's a sense that there isn't all that much time left--which there ISN'T--so you should go for the gusto before you even know each other. I, on the other hand, haven't felt that way about relationships since the Glorious Sixties!

I can't be here too often or participate too much--I'm only online on my front porch, mostly at night, using neighbor's wireless service, which is unpredictable. But it's nice to tap in to a base of compassionate women. Thanks again for your words of wisdom!

Hugs from Margi

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's normal to feel pain when a close person to you moves on...

She is not dissing your friendship at all, rather she needs to find something other than friendship in her life, as you should and deserve and need to.

Free, internet dating sites? Friendship only chatlines?

I realise your isolated and tapping into your neighbours internet lines but maybe try those as well.

You can't continue to be lonley because your poor...

We all need in life.

At least you tapped in here, and you can make friends worse scenario if you can get the chance to get on here more often.

Take Care.

CW