[nervousforthefuture]

I am a 26 year old woman with a fiance of 3 years who is bisexual. I have always known this but in the last year and a half it's become somewhat of an issue. Last summer he cheated on me with a guy at a club and a friend made him come clean to me. It took a long time but I eventually found my trust him again and things were fine... then last month we were at a party and i fell asleep when i woke up and he wasn't there i went to find him and found him giving a bj to another guy. These things only happen when he is really drunk but do they? I know he loves being with me sexually we have no problems when being intimate but he doesn't have a sex drive like a lot of other guys i know... He keeps porn of men on his phone telling me it helps him keep his fantasies just fantasies.... but I don't feel like i can truly ever let my guard down. I don't even know if i truly believe that bisexuality exists or is it just the middle ground before you except your true self. I have nothing against people being gay or whatever they want to be... but i don't want to end up as that woman who is 45 with 2 kids and a husband who is always "out with the guys". He truly loves me i know that and everyone tells me the same.... but am i just his ideal? what he dreamt of as his perfect ending, what his parents would of been happy with?

I don't know what to do... and i have talked to him about it so much.

help.

[Little]

Cheating is cheating, regardless of the gender. What would you do/feel if he were cheating on you with a woman?
I identify as a bisexual female who prefers males. There's a big spectrum out there, and your fiancé may prefer males as well, but as you mentioned does not feel comfortable with himself. Lots of people throw the idea out there that if a person is bisexual, they can never get "everything they want" out of one person because that person is only ONE gender. Let me tell you, that's a BS excuse.
Forget talking about it with him. You said you've done that enough. Talk about it with YOURSELF. People have to be given a reason to stop cheating, and they have to find that reason themselves. Don't give ultimatums you can't follow up on ... but don't throw your life away with someone who deep down doesn't want you (or JUST you.)

[Joy]

Really I hope you have an open relationship. If he is allowed to sleep with other men I hope you are too. Really this is the only way for this to be balanced. For both of you to have sexual freedom.

If my bf wanted to sleep with other men or give them bj's well then he better be open minded enough that I could sleep with other men on my own time.

Why cheat.... just open the relationship up and throw the rules, mind sets, expectations out the window.

I'd rather me and my bf have an open relationship then cheat on each other.

[Hopeless Dork]

When he cheated on you the first time, I am sure it broke your heart. I am sure you told him this... I am sure he made promises that it would never happen again. A lot of people can't find it in their heart to forgive one transgression, and you did and you should be proud that you were strong enough to give him another chance.

However, when he did it AGAIN, as you said... he knew how much it was going to hurt you, he watched all of that unfold the last time, and STILL....did it again. So either his desire to be with someone else is so strong his love for you can't fight it or he just didn't care how much it could hurt you... his passing desire of the moment mattered more.

Either way.... you are not being treated like you should be treated. When a man gets engaged to a woman, a straight man... his desire , his being attracted to other women doesn't end... but he agrees to give them all up for his love. I don't see why being bi makes that any different. He should be agreeing to give up others to focus on you.

I think marrying him would be a mistake. I'm sorry. I think if you want to wait it out and continue a relationship that its up to you there, but I think marriage should be put on the back burner, indefinitely. Please don't ever think that marrying him will change this behavior, or make him snap into fidelity. It won't.

[LanaBear]

Regardless of the gender, he's now cheated on you twice.

Would you still be with him at this point if he cheated on you with another woman? If you walked in on him going down on another gal, what would you have done? Bottom line is he's unfaithful.

Also, he's not just keeping m/m porn on his phone to keep his fantasies just fantasies. He's obviously now acting out on his fantasies. And besides, if he can do that while you are in the same house, I'd absolutely be questioning how many other times this has happened that you don't know about.

[Ahryin]

go to your nearest sex store...today...purchase a strapable!!!! they have the kind that belt around you or the kind you slip into like underwear....Wake him up and F the Heck out of him!! Take all of your frustrations out!!! If he acts like he doesn't like it, ask you to stop...or looks at men after that..he doesn't want you and is really just gay

The issue you are really facing is he really bi or are you his cover up because he doesn't want to admit to being gay

Can you live with that?

I know you love him and he might even love you but that doesn't mean you have to marry him...honestly he isn't ready for marriage...if he was he wouldn't have cheated on you! Point blank period

[mdraven380]

I'd be afraid of getting a disease if I knew my man was sexually cheating with either men or women.

[OG612]

He's betrayed you. Twice. That you know of! How many more times will he do this? He's already cheated on you two times too many... as far as you know

I know it sucks to hear it, but it's not going to work. He wants it both ways but in a monogamous relationship... that's now how it works.

Break up with him and undergo a heart retrieval (spiritual healing). Otherwise you will be that 45 year old mother of 2 who's husband is always "out with the guys."

OG